(Closed) Not Inviting a Mutual “Friend”

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you need to be honest with her and let her know straight up that she’s not invited.  Message her in private so that it’s not on her wall and let her know that due to space limitations you’re not able to include everyone you want at the wedding, and unfortunately she will not be invited.  You don’t have to get into high school drama, and a little white lie never hurt anyone.  She’s obviously not getting the hint, so you need to tell her.

Post # 4
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Maybe she’s the type that like makes quilts or something for wedding gifts. For everyone. Lol. I would honestly say to her that you’re having a small guest list etc etc, but you’d love to get together for lunch and catch up sometime soon (probably wont happen). I just think you need to say something before she spends all that time making a gift, because if she does do that, you’ll feel even more guilty. 

Post # 5
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Many people send gifts even when they aren’t invited to a wedding. I wouldn’t treat this situation as her fishing for an invitation (even if that’s what you suspect is happening).

Post # 6
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You shouldn’t lead her on with a vague answer. Just be honest that she is not invited. You can say something along the lines of: we’re having a small wedding around labor day with just family and close friends. And then if she still wants to make you a gift she can.

Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just tell her that you’re keeping the guest list small, very close friends and family only.  Phrase it like that, rather than “Sorry, you’re not invited.”  And I agree with PPs, some people like to send a gift even if they aren’t invited.

Post # 9
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Since she just wrote on your wall, I’d just message her and say “Hey, I saw your wall post about our wedding date.  You are so sweet to want to make us a present, but…”  Hopefully you don’t have to see her in person too much?

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