Post # 1
Five years ago, my best friend (now MOH) and I joined a women’s prayer group. I instantly grew very close with the leader/facilitator. As an extension of her awesomeness, I got fairly friendly with the other women in the group. They are all wonderful. Outside of our monthly gatherings, I only interact with my bff and the facilitator of the group. Whenever anyone got engaged, they invited me to their weddings. I would send a gift, but always declined appearing. Now that I’m getting married, I am only inviting the facilitator, who is now a close friend. The more I think about it, as much as I like the other women, it would almost feel like they’re “close aquaintances” rather than close friends. I’m having a wedding of 90 people anyway.
Should I tell them all at our next meeting that I won’t be inviting them? I don’t have a good reason not to invite them aside from the fact that I don’t really feel that close to them. Or should I tell the facilitator friend that I love her & am only inviting her, but “please don’t tell the other ladies”?
Post # 3
I would say just invite them. Some of them probably won’t come anyways then u won’t feel bad and they won’t be angry
Post # 4
@IreneG: what if they show up with their husbands that i never met? it will definitely make for awkward atmosphere at the wedding. but you definitely have a point. I don’t want my prayer group to be tense & uncomfortable forever :-/
Post # 5
It’s not really polite (in my opinion) to invite guests that you would rather didn’t attend your event!
It’s also pretty rude – in general – to tell people “You aren’t invited to my party.” These women are probably aware of the relationship you have with them – they KNOW that you don’t have lunch with them or watch movies with them, or see them in between your monthly prayer meetings. It would be far more awkward to make an announcement “I’m having a wedding, but I won’t be inviting you. Sorry…” than to just invite the group leader and mention to her that you’re having a smaller, more intimate wedding, and your guest list doesn’t include the entire prayer group.
If these ladies have planned any events recently they’ll be aware of the tough choices that are made with guest lists. It’s unlikely you’ll offend them by not inviting them. Just continue to be friendly and polite when you see them, and try not to gush too much about an event to which you aren’t inviting them.
Post # 6
I definitely wouldn’t announce that you aren’t inviting them. If anyone asks if they are invited, I would treat it like any other non-invited guest. You could also be frank about it – meaning – if it comes up in your prayer group how wedding planning is going – say something about how excited you are to have a very small, intimate wedding – or something to that affect (so it’s obvious that aquaintences aren’t invited).
As for the facilitator – after (or close to) when you mail your invites or STD’s, I’d mention to her that you only are inviting her and to keep it on the DL from the other ladies (unless it comes up in conversation before then).
Post # 7
I have a group of friends that only some will be invited as well. I am not going to say anything to those not on the list, I think they will figure it out. Honestly I think it would be more awkward to say anything. I’m sure they understand that you are closer to certain people over others.
Post # 8
@UmbrellaMoon: great points. thanks!