(Closed) Not Inviting Certain Family Members….

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Here’s the problem.  If you don’t invite them, the ones you want there might get upset and not come.  That happened to my parents.

Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

View original reply
simplylo:  I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot 🙁

 

If it were me, I would invite the family that I want there and stick to your guns about not inviting those certain family members. From there, you have two options.

You can hope they aren’t offended by you leaving out certain family

Or you can invite them and phone the family member you’re closest to, explaining your decision. I know you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but they may feel entitled to one since you left certain family members out.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

My 1st daughter to marry and her husband invited all their aunts and uncles. 1 uncle (my BIL) didn’t bother to RSVP- the only guests who didn’t (2 of 250 invited).

When it came time for my 2nd daughter to marry, we didn’t bother to invite him. There was also an uncle on the groom’s side, that he has no contact with, either. 6 of 8 aunt/uncle couples were invited and only 2 attended. 2 uncles didn’t even bother to send a congratulatory e-mail or card. I guess you can’t force people to have a relationship with you?

Don’t invite people you don’t have a relationship with or are toxic. Your aunt should realize this – the guestlist is no one else’s business but your own. You don’t owe anyone an excuse. As my husband always says “No pay, no say!”

Post # 5
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

we didn’t invite one couple because there was a HORRIBLE family fight (we weren’t involved) and the parties have never spoken to anyone in the family ever again, not a phone call, email etc. we a) barely knew them to begin with and b) weren’t inviting that drama etc to our wedding. we simply said ‘they’ve made it very clear with their actions that they aren’t interested in being in contact with the family, we’re going to abide by that.’ when pressed we said that we were not comfortable inviting them and we hoped people understood. no problems so far. 

we also aren’t inviting another couple in the family – they are currently suing another family member, and i feel like when you do that, you opt out of certain family functions. we haven’t gotten any pushback on that either. 

just stay calm, repeat your reasons and stick to your guns. let them know that it’s a comfort issue for you, and then change the subject. 

Post # 6
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Do not invite Uncles A& B! Only invite who you want. Invite Uncle C, and whether Aunt D’s feelings are hurt are of no importance.

It is one day, your day, and she can see them all the other days of their lives. I would not advise you to do anything rude, but that is not rude. If anyone asks, “why didn’t you invite so and so”, give a very sketchy non answer. Like “it didn’t work out” and pretend you don’t hear them if they keep on asking. I am serious.

Do not initiate any conversations with anyone over who is uninvited. They don’t need a heads up. You will invite who you want to be there, and that’s the end of it.

 

Post # 7
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I left certain people in my family off the guest list.  Everyone still came that was invited and no one was offended.  You aunt probably knows you don’t have relationships with these people and quite possibly won’t even question it.  

In my case I didn’t explain it to people and no one brought it up, to me anyway.  If they had I would have just said that we weren’t inviting people that had never met my husband or that we hadn’t seen in over so many years….aka wouldn’t be able to say five things about my life that they knew. Good Luck. 

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
simplylo:  Stick to your guns.  If you want, tell the closest family member why you don’t want the drama, but leave it at that– word will definitely spread.  I did the same thing on my end.  There’s an aunt I’m definitely not inviting and honestly no one batted an eye.  She’s threatened to sue other people (myself included) and I don’t need any heckling at my wedding.  (There are one or two that are trying to do the whole “But it’s family” thing— I told them to pound sand.  They’re coming to the wedding anyway). 

The way I look at this is that this is one of the biggest times in your life where you let people know what’s acceptable and not acceptable behavoir to you and what you plan to allow in your space on such a special and intimate occassion.  People can make the decision whether or not to attend based on your values— that’s them.  But don’t change your values to make someone happy for one day when you potentially won’t be happy on probably one of the most important days of your life. 

Post # 9
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I invited three of my 8 aunts and uncles.  I told the ones I invited that the others were not getting invites and they already understood why.  My Fiance is not inviting any of his because he says he cannot invite the two he talks to without inviting the other 18 that he doesnt.  That seems strange to me but we are having a 60 person wedding so he cannot invite them all anway.  I figure people will be mad but they will get over it and they should understand that its not about them and if they dont get over it, it is their own issue they need to deal with!

Post # 10
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It is your wedding invite who you want to. I have the same problem, but with cousins. I’m going to invite the ones I know well and who are close with my family. I have over 100 cousins, so obviously I can’t invite them all. Weddings are not cheap, so you have to cut somewhere and I think people should understand that. If you are not close with some of your family and haven’t seen them in years, I don’t think it would be a problem to not invite them.

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