(Closed) Not inviting co-workers- but what about a dinner?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
47277 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Kimbalina81:  Although your intentions are good, it might be perceived that you are hosting the dinner so they will feel obligated to bring gifts.


Post # 3
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes. It is weird/rude to invite them to celebrate something they are not invited to celebrate. They should understand, I’d let it go. 

Post # 5
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

No that’s wierd. There’s no need for a consolation dinner. 

Post # 6
8957 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Kimbalina81:  Inviting them to anything other than the wedding will be seen as a gift grab, and saying “you don’t have to bring a gift” doesn’t make it better.

I promise you, they do not care as much as you think they do.

Post # 7
12656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It is inappropriate to throw a pre-wedding event for anyone not invited to the wedding. What would not be inappropriate is if these co-workers got together and took it upon themselves to throw a shower or a dinner in your honor, even though they know they are not invited. But definitely not the other way around. 

Post # 8
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s basically throwing yourself a shower. Do not do that.

Post # 9
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think you really do mean well, but I just don’t think there is any spin you could put on this so that it works. Let it go. You can’t invite everyone and trying to *make it up* to people almost makes it seem like you think you did something wrong by not inviting them…. Which you didn’t.

Post # 10
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I wouldn’t invite them to anything before the wedding, and I probably wouldn’t go for a dinner. Instead, what one of my colleagues did was invite everyone to have a drink to toast her and her new husband at the end of the work day once she was back in the office. She brought it a cake and some chips/peanuts and a couple of bottles of cava and we all gathered in the conference room for a nice chat. She even brought in some pictures for people to see. It was all very casual and fun, no pressure for gifts or anything (though our office banded together and did get her a giftcard or something).

This won’t work in all offices, so you have to know if it’s appropriate for your office culture. We’ve also celebrated birthdays, retirements and births this way as well, so there was a standard for doing these types of gatherings.

Post # 11
1261 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with PPs that your intentions are good but that you should not do it. I understand you feel bad, but imagine the shoe on the other foot. Most people will really not care too much about not being invited to a coworker’s wedding. It’s an obligation to begin with, unless you are especially close. People have lives, families, and busy schedules. I bet some of them will be relieved not to go.

I would think it was very strange to be invited to a dinner in celebration of the wedding, but not the wedding. I would also assume gifts were desired. And I would probably not go. A coworker’s wedding is something I’d work into my schedule, but a dinner wouldn’t make the cut.

Post # 12
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think the best idea is to just do nothing – assuming you work with adults they know that weddings are expensive and not everyone can be invited etc

Maybe if there is a core group of girls who really cares you could bring in some pictures and buy a round or two one night after work (or for lunch!) and gab about the event

Post # 13
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Kimbalina81:  If your co-workers are so intent on celebrating your wedding they would be the ones hosting a dinner in your honor. Throwing yourself a party will absolutely be perceived as gift grabby. 

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