Post # 1
I am very close with my cousins and my Fiance lives very far from his, but has A LOT (50+) cousins. When we first looked at guest list numbers they were around 250 people. We made a lot of cuts, including all of our cousins and are now around 135. We can only hold 120 people in our venue. Future Mother-In-Law told us we could invite all or none of the cousins (on my side and his, to prevent problems) and that is how we got where we are. It sucks but I don’t think we can change that.
Has anyone else cut out all cousins? Did anyone get made at you for your decision? We are concerned about what aunts and uncles may say, but we don’t know what else to do.
Post # 3
I have a friend with 86 first cousins, so their rule is any cousin under age 18 is not invited. It stinks but when you have such a large family cuts need to be made! If anyone asks just be honest, your venue holds 1/2 the amount you wanted to invite.
Post # 4
I am inviting mine, Fiance is not inviting his. Invite the people you want there. If you want your cousins there you should invite them, who cares if Fiance is not inviting his?
Post # 5
Fiance is inviting all of his and I invited a handful of mine. I invited the ones I am closest with. Feelings might be hurt but i think my family is reasonable enough to understand that I cannot afford to finance a family reunion. Plus there are some I barely speak to and MANY my Fiance has not met. I don’t feel bad.
You should do what best works for you. I have 44 family members I have left off due to size and $$ constraints.
Post # 6
This was a HUGE problem for us. We wanted a small wedding (between 70 and 100 people) I have 5 cousins total, 3 of which have spouses. All of which I was close to growing up and could NEVER imagine not inviting them.
He has something like 30 cousins and they all have husbands/wives/kids. He is close to 3 of those cousins. That’s it. He wanted to invite just those 3 that he knows and not bother with ones he barely remembers the names of who live across the country. His father was NOT having any of this. It was all or nothing for his side of the family.
But I note the question never was raised (and I wouldn’t have stood for it) of not inviting MY cousins if we chose not to include his.
Ultimately we decided that the likelihood that his cross-country cousins would actually show was like Nil. And we added a hometown reception (which had the lovely effect of further dissuading the more local cousins to make the journey). Just a thought.
Post # 7
Uh, honestly? We’re doing what everyone says not to do and picking and choosing. We’re inviting some cousins that we’re close to on each side, but we’re not inviting the ones we hardly ever see or talk to. Same goes for aunts & uncles. It was a hard decision for us because we need to keep the guest list under 80 people but we couldn’t cut ALL our extended family – there are some people we really want to share our day with. Anyway, it’s just how we decided to do it. It might cause some hurt feelings but it’s our day and we needed to do what’s right for us. Good luck!
Post # 8
Oh I forgot one thing!! Fiance did not include ONE cousin. He’s the one that’s required police restraint from beating up his father. He’s been left off to avoid any issues.
@iRun2004 – did your Future Father-In-Law foot the bill for any of it? I am curious as to that since he had such a strong opinion about where you all could draw the line with his cousins.
Out of courtesy, i did ask my mother if there is anyone she felt should be included in the celebration. She told me that it’s my party and to do whatever i want.
Post # 9
This was a MAJOR issue for us as well. I have tons of cousin and a LAREGE family that I am super close with, my parents were gifting us the reception so we agreed on the adult cousins, which is more than half of them. My Darling Husband is not very close with his cousins at all, some he has not seen in 20 plus years. We opted to jsut invite Aunts and Uncles on his side. His mother flipped out, however, she didn’t offer to help out with the cost, we informed her we couldn’t afford all the people on her list, and frankly my Darling Husband didn’t want people there he didn’t know and he didn’t want family he hasn’t seen in 20 years to use our wedding as a family reunion. We met in the middle and agreed to invite ADULT cousins, however his mother was still super pissed. We don’t think that it really bothered the family until she put the bug in the ear. With that being said, she got the family to turn on us and no one came. Oh well, we had a great time, and it just left room for us to invite more of our friends.
Post # 10
@FranksMama: FFIL are footing the bill for the rehearsal dinner. Which is pretty much a drop in the bucket compared with the rest of the wedding.
They also insisted on inviting 5 couples they are friends with. Again, this was a big point of contention. We had to explain to them that for everyone they were inviting, that could potentially cost $100-150 per person!! (honestly they did not understand this point until we very clearly spelled it out)
Post # 11
We are only inviting ‘first cousins’ and only the ones over 18. my Fiance is the youngest of all his cousins so all of his will be there, where-as i’m one of the older cousins on my side so unfortunately some of mine won’t be there. i’m bummed about it but i figured once we opened it to my ‘little’ cousins then 2nd cousins and neices and nephews and a lot of kids would just add way too many people for what we can afford. my cousin was married last year and none of the cousins were invited. i wasn’t offended/hurt at all, it’s what they wanted/could afford.
Post # 12
This is sticky ground but I think you should invite the cousins you know and who know you.
My Fiance has a whole bunch of cousins that he hasn’t seen in years and two that we see every year. Future Mother-In-Law said all cousins or none. Fiance and I decided to invite the two we know and none of the other ones. Future Mother-In-Law of course will be pissed since it is her side of the family being shafted but is it my fault that she is feuding with half of her family therefore eliminating her son from spending time with that side of the family? I think no. At this rate we should just invite a stranger off the street and pay $150 for the meal because the end result would be the same!
Post # 13
I’m inviting all of my cousins on my moms side, and none on my dads side.. My dad is much older than my mom so when I was growing up all my cousins on that side were much older & we just weren’t close.. Fiance isn’t inviting any of his, but he didn’t even want to invite his aunts & uncles. I’ve invited most of his family with the help of his mom just because I feel like its rude to not invite the family that lives here that his mom speaks to often.