Post # 1
My fiance is not very close to his dad, or anyone on his dad’s side of the family. He used to be, then they had a falling out over a year ago. He hasn’t talked to them since. They are very judgemental. Part of me thinks he should invite them to our wedding. I think as a man, he should apologize (even though I don’t think they will, that’s just how they are), and he should invite them because that is his dad and grandparents. As much as I believe it’s the mature and correct thing to do, I also am concerned about inviting them. The last time his dad’s side of the family and his mom’s side got together (at his high school graduation) there was a fight and the cops were almost called. What bride wants that on her wedding day?! It’s somewhat a lose lose situation. We don’t invite them, we will hurt them deeply. We do invite them, what if they get into a fight? I don’t want cops at my wedding. We won’t be able to keep them away from each other because we will only have around 50 guests.
Post # 3
You can’t control ones behavior, only the way you react to it.
I think it should be his call. I’m not inviting a close family member because of a falling out of sorts (she chose not be in my life for the 3rd time) so I feel why should I invite her? She only seems to be around for the fun times but when she doesn’t need something- she’s gone in a flash. It’s impossible to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.
I don’t know what your date is but he has time and who knows, maybe their relationship will change between now and then.
Post # 4
That’s a tough one. You posted this in etiquette, so etiquette says you need to invite them. However, with it being such a volitile situation, I don’t know if I’d want that going on. When my FH’s sister was married, she didn’t invite anyone from her dad’s side of the family. They were hurt, but were also okay since it had been about 10 years since she had seen any of them. For our wedding we invited both sides and unfortunately FH’s mom declined the wedding. She just couldn’t handle being with the otherside of the family. Maybe if you invite them they’ll decline, yet then again, maybe they’ll come and not control themselves. I’d follow your FH’s lead, do what he’s comfortable with.
Post # 5
Wow, your fiance is really in a bind. I think your job as his bride-to-be is to support him, whatever he chooses. It doesn’t sound like his Dad’s family is very mature. However, I hate to tell you this but this is going to be a longer term issue in your life together. I think you may want to encourage your fiance to consider the fact that this will crop up again when you have babies, at children’s bdays, etc. Also some day inevitably his parents – both of them will get old and sick. He’ll have to cope with that too. Many people have issues with one or more parents. Its generally good not to spend their whole lives being angry or avoiding them, no matter what they did.
My parents are divorced and a few years back I went to see a therapist to figure out how to deal with the situations that came up and with my Mom especially. I’m so glad I did because now that I’m getting married, I knew how to address these problems, make my decisions, and not feel guilty about them. I’m not saying therapy necessarily is the answer for your fiance. More generally I’m just saying that for him and thus for you, this won’t just be a one time decision. He’ll need your support as he figures out how to navigate this.
I hope it doesn’t put too much stress on your wedding. Remember the day is really about the both of you.