(Closed) not inviting husbands/wives as +1’s?

posted 13 years ago in Reception
Post # 62
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have to agree with the consesus here. You need to invite the significant others of your friends. How would you feel if your Fiance was invited to a wedding but you specifically were not invited? If you can’t afford the per head cost, you need to go with a less expensive meal or cut back on your budget somewhere else. You don’t want to start off as a married couple, pissing off everyone you know.

Post # 63
47 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with cupcake and others. I feel you made a mistake. You will lose those friends that take offese. You need to make room in your budget buy cutting from somewhere, or finding a way to get money. I think its too late for you to go over that guestlist one more time and start cutting, so it will be hard.. but you will ruin your friendships if you don’t invite their husbands/wives or long terms gfs/bfs. Ive had this done to me and ive seen it with several ppl I know, and we were all offended and very confused.

Post # 63
1 posts

I’m sorry, I know this is a really old post and no longer relevant for you but I was searching for the answer to this question myselt and was stunned by such a dramatic reaction! I am also a teacher and was wondering about co-workers. I have been to two weddings of co-workers over the last year and although my other half was invited to these (because he also knew the bride), lots of LSAs were also invited and their other halves were no- to either wedding. I was planning on doing the same. Nobody raised any eyebrows and actually I believe these women would have enjoyed the event less had their husbands/partners been there as they are a close bunch of women and love to party and get a bit rowdy together; I do not believe they would act the same if they were all standing around looking out for their other half who knew no one else there but their wives.

I find it surprising that there are so many people out there that find offensive not to get an invite; you may be married but you are still two separate peopl with different friends, at least I would say so in a healthy relationship anyway.

Post # 64
1 posts

Midd, I completely agree with you! And yes, I know this is an old post, but I too was wondering the same thing for our upcoming wedding. And I’m surprised by how everyone has reacted so strongly, and been so offended by the prospect of spending one evening apart from their partner.

We have chosen not to invite the partners of several of our friends and family to our wedding. In fact, when I mentioned this to my cousin who is also getting married soon, they were quite pleased, as this meant that they didn’t have to invite my partner (as they’ve never met him, and I’ve never met my cousin’s partner) – and by not inviting my partner, they can now invite another of their friends who would not have been on the guestlist otherwise.

Why should any couple have to pay for the presence of someone whom they do not know well? And in doing so, miss out on spending the day with someone they wish they could have invited!

I am totally for inviting the partners of people who quite literally won’t know anyone else there, you certainly want your guests to be comfortable. But when it comes to friends, family, and coworkers who know several other guests (so they’ll have a wonderful time even without their partner there) why is it such a big issue?! None of my friends ever offered for me to have a +1 at their weddings, whether or not I was dating someone at the time.

Just because someone is married should not mean they have to be joined at the hip to their partner for every event for the rest of their lives. While my fiance and I enjoy spending the vast majority of our days together, we are also very happy doing things with our own groups of friends seperately. We are two individuals after all.

Post # 65
55 posts
Worker bee

Yes, i would def not go if my hub was not invited.

Post # 66
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

wis46: I also am not a person who believes I have to attend everything with my Fiance. We have separate friend groups and do things apart all the time. However, I agree with many of the PP that it is rude not to invite a friend or family member’s spouse to your wedding. I get the coworker argument and think that’s fine depending on the circumstances, but your own friends’ and family members’ spouses? Seriously? That’s ridiculous. I haven’t met all of my cousins’ spouses either but they’re my family and if they are celebrating mine and my FI’s marriage, I should respect their marriage and invite them both. Someone who is married to your family member is your family too now.  A +1 is allowing a guest to bring whomever they want when they are single/unattached. Spouses, Fiances, SOs are not +1s and should be invited by name with their partner.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by missinthecity.
Post # 67
924 posts
Busy bee

I guess I am just different than the norm. If my SO was invited to a wedding, and he was the only one I was going to know, I’d be glad to not be invited so I wouldn’t have to worry about coming up with a reason NOT to go. The ONLY time I would be insulted is if it were someone we both knew equally. He has friends I don’t know. I have friends he doesn’t know. So if he’s invited and I’m not, I tell him to have a good time and plan some time to just be alone. 

And I see where people come from when they say “I haven’t met my cousins spouses but they’re family”. Um… what if I don’t even know their names? Yeah, I have cousins like that. I think it would be even ruder to call and say “hey cousin…. I haven’t seen you in 20 years, but are you married now? If so what is your husband/wifes name?” I have several cousins who two weeks ago I saw for the first time in 20 years (we all spent holidays together when we were younger, but as the matriarchs of the family passed, slowly we stopped going there and just fell out of touch.) They’re married, with kids, but until then I had never met any of them and I really don’t think they’d be all bent out of shape of not being invited (in fact, the siblings would probably travel together and leave their kids with the spouse). 

But I understand I’m in the minority on that, and that is ok. Just sharing MY opinon, and everyone’s is going to be different, just depending on their situation. 

Post # 68
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Edit, I just realized how old this post is lol

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by aushi.
Post # 69
339 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, I’m sorry, but I agree with those who say it is a mistake not to invite the spouses.  I personally will not go to a wedding if my husband is not invited with me. It’s fine if he chooses not to come because he’s busy, out of town, or sick or something but was invited, but to not be included at all in the invitation, that is kind of a slap in the face for the couple, regardless of what the excuse is for wedding budget.  I can understand not including a +1 for single people and not allowing people to bring their kids, but to exclude someone’s wife/husband is not a good idea.  I think if you do this, you’re going to get a lot of people RSVPing that they are not attending.

Post # 70
38 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

I didn’t included my sisters boyfriend, she wasn’t happy but I’ve met him once in just over a year! we invited who we wanted to our very small wedding and I’m so happy we stuck with our choice.

Post # 71
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Why don’t threads automatically close after a year?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by hellohedwig.
Post # 72
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Because maybe people who are searching for a topic can still find it relevant…

The topic ‘not inviting husbands/wives as +1’s?’ is closed to new replies.

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