(Closed) Not inviting my father's fiance (VERY LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You never mentioned any kind of punishment her son received. Were the police involved at all? Was the boy definitely convicted of rape? Sorry it’s just that if something is only alleged it doesn’t necessarily mean that it happened and I found it rather strange when you said your aunt wanted the two ( alleged rapist and alleged victim) to get along in the small town? How can a rape victim be expected to get along with her attacker exactly?

Post # 4
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand all your feelings, and I would probably really dislike this woman, but you should invite her. Your dad has asked her to marry him — he’s decided that he wants her in his life. That’s his call, and all you can do is accept it.

Post # 5
Member
3507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsginmay:  She is going to be your dads wife. You have to invite her if you are inviting ther rest of your dads family. Your mum’s side of the family is going to have to just deal with this situation. I know that is not what you probably want to hear…but it is what is going to happen if you want to keep being on speaking terms with your dad.

Asking your future step mom not to come is going to open up a bigger can of worms. Do you really want to do that??

Hugs to you….. because it sounds like a pretty crappy situation for you to have to deal with. I hope everyone can be an adult and remember it is you and FI’s special day.

 

Post # 7
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

Man, that’s really tough. Do you care if your dad doesn’t show up at the wedding, if this means you will probably harm your relationship a lot?

Post # 8
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’m sorry you are in this situation, but you really do have to invite her. She’s a part of the family whether you like it or not.

Post # 9
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i know that it’s going to be uncomfortable but i think you need to tell your dad that you do not want her there. 

look at it this way, if she is not invited the only people who will be upset will be your dad and her.  if she does come, there will be a room of people at your wedding that will be upset.

it’s a no-brainer for me.

Post # 10
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think this is really tough, but if she comes you can make the seating chart so that they won’t be near your aunt or other family members.  I hope that both sides can be mature enough to understand that the day is about YOU and Fiance and just avoid and ignore each other without causing a scene.

Post # 13
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

@mrsginmay:  Then I would say don’t invite the fiance, let him decide for himself if he wants to come, and protect those people that you hold close (your mom’s side of the family, aunt and cousin).

Post # 14
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The police decided not to charge him? 

. A fight could flare up between herself and another family member. I wouldn’t be comfortable going to a wedding had my daughter been raped by a fellow guests son, nor would I want to be invited to a wedding knowing that the mother of the girl who accused my son of rape would be there, let alone her entire family. Whether the attack took place or not has absolutely everything to do with your family’s present situation and it would be irresponsible of anyone to just reply “yeah invite her”.

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