(Closed) Not inviting my sister to the wedding, but want my nephews to be ringbearers

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I doubt she would allow her sons to be in your wedding party.  You could ask her, but it doesn’t sound like that’s something she would be happy about even if she was there, and then you wouldn’t want her bad mood to ruin your day.

Post # 4
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you want them there, she needs to be there. Sorry. If I had kids and a family member I didn’t get along with wanted them to be a part of their wedding but didn’t want me there, sorry to say I wouldn’t allow them to be a part. That is probably the biggest insult I could get and I would not be okay with it. Sorry to hear you and your sister don’t get along. I am sure that has to be tough. But, in this case, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Even if it is wedding cake.

Post # 5
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Is there anyone that can be designated as her ‘handler’? We had my Mother-In-Law watch DH’s cousin and when she started getting beligerent, Mother-In-Law put her in a taxi 😉

Post # 6
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you want your nephews to be in the wedding, I think you definitely need to invite your sister.   She may not come, based on the description of your relationship with her, but I feel as though asking her if you can have her children in your wedding without extending an invitation to her is only going to throw fuel on the fire.   Not a pleasant situation to be in but honestly, I would be the bigger person and invite her.

Post # 7
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yea, if you want them to be your ringbearers I say you have no choice but to invite her. Also, I know you don’t get along with her but she is your sister and really should be invited to the wedding. Like PP said, be the bigger person. 

Post # 8
278 posts
Helper bee

I have to agree with the pp’s.. If you want them as ringbearers on your day, you will have to invite your sister. She is the mom of the kids, and your sister.. even though your relationship is strained. Sorry for your situation!

Post # 9
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Do any of your friends have sweet boys that you can use instead? Cause I really think your sister and her sons are a package deal.

I understand that you would only want to be around people that love and support you on your wedding day, so you have every right not to invite her. But if you two are able to stand each other at family functions, it might be okay for your wedding too. Also, is there any chance not inviting her might cause even more trouble between the two of you?

Post # 10
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@srpierson2012: Sorry to say but I agree with everyone… Your sister will more than likely have to be at the wedding with your nephews.


Post # 11
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m a parent, so this comes AS a parent.

The kids and I are a package deal (as is my FI).  You want one of us?  You get ALL of us.  (Okay, well, we DID leave our kids home for a wedding, but we were guests, soooo, kinda different there).

You can’t say “let me have the kids as ringbearers but you stay home” to a parent.  Just doesn’t work.  Plus, it’ll only up the problems between you both.

Either invite the family, and ask to have the kids as ring bearers, or don’t invite any.  

Sucky situation, but… that’s life. 

Post # 12
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You have to invite all of them. Honestly, if you want to continue to have a good relationship with the nephews you should probably invite all of them anyway. 

Post # 13
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the PPs that the kids and your sister are a package deal.  If you want your nephews as ringbearers, you have to invite you sister as well.

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