Post # 1
I have a good friend that I talk to everyday. A type of friend that we talk about anything and everything. Her and her husband met my bf, at the time, when we were 3 months into dating. My bf didn’t stay too long because he had a business meeting to go to so they didn’t really get to talk to him or get to know him. He’s pretty quiet when you first meet him, unless you start talking to him and then he opens up more easily.
After my bf left, my friend’s husband didn’t have anything nice to say about him. He started saying that we’re just in our honeymoon stage, we’re not in love because its way too soon and we don’t know what it is to be in love. He looks older, we’ll he is 38, duh! and I’m 28. And because of him being older he’s just with me because of my looks and I’m younger. He said my bf is not getting any younger so of course he’s going to settle down with a young pretty girl. He also said that we don’t have real love likehim and his wife. They have real love and no one has love like they do. And that all my bf wants is one thing and all guys just have one thing on their mind. That all guys think with their d***. This conversation went on for about an hour. This guy just met my bf and knew nothing about him or our relationship.
My friend and her husband have been together for 10 yrs, pregnant at 17, married at 18 and 3 kids later. They both cheat on each other, he’s abusive, too busy playing video games to spend time with his kids, high school graduate and works at Home Depot no further education. His wife had cancer that went into remission and he never took care of her. And he’s 30.
Yes my, now Fiance after a year, is 10 yrs older than me. Treats me lIke the most important person in his life. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 yrs prior and my Fiance is the best thing that has came into my life. He’ an ex marine of 5 yrs, college graduate in microbiology, ex jui jitsu fighter and the most honest, honorable man I know. Who is he to talk so much shit about my Fiance and judge him or our relationship.
So now I don’t want him around, my Fiance most definitely don’t want him around even more so because he abuses his wife and my Fiance would never be okay with someone like that. But how do I handle inviting her to my events for our engagement, wedding without inviting him? I know it’s not proper etiquette to invite one spouse and not the other, but I think there’s always exceptions.
What would you do in this situation? You’re good friends with the wife but the husband can not be invited to any of your events.
Post # 3
I think you have to suck it up and invite him, or else not invite her either. Some of my guests are only going to be there for the sake of my other guests’ happiness…not because I like them at all.
Post # 4
@echolove: Does your friend know how you feel?
Post # 5
My opinion is that this is not an exception. Invite them both or skip them both. Since you and your friend talk about everything, I’m sure she is aware that you don’t like her husband, so I think she will understand when they don’t get an invitation.
Post # 6
@mjwyatt84: yes. she knows that I don’t like her husband. She understands and says that she’ll never be mad at me for how I feel. Her husband now is stealing money from her and gambling it away and blaming her that she must be spending the money or losing it. They have 3 kids and he used $6,000 from their taxes on who knows what. She has no idea what happened to that money. She is now cheating on him again. Which I don’t agree with either, but its her life. But I don’t have to like him or be his friend just because she’s one off my closes friends. Its their life and her choice to stay with him but he also insulted me and my Fiance.
Post # 7
I don’t think there’s ever an exception to inviting someone’s spouse to a formal event. I can understand why you don’t like him but he’s your bf’s husband. You’re kind of stuck.
Post # 8
@echolove: If it were me I would talk to my friend and ask her what she thinks. If she is OK coming without him (sounds like in THIS situation it might be ok) then go for it. If she is offended than I wouldn’t invite either of them.
Post # 9
So if you were insulted, your Fiance and your relationship, you would still want and let that person be at your wedding?
Post # 10
Would doing this maybe turn him against his wife? I’m just worried if you don’t invite him, he may turn around and blame it on her – accusing her of telling you things about him he would obviously not want you knowing, that would lead to you not wanting him at your wedding.
There are so many things to look at in this situation, her safety was the first thing I thought of.
Do you think he will make a scene at the wedding? If not, just invite him – it will make you not feel uncomfortable for not inviting him and it will be one less fight they have. If he’s so against your relationship he may not come anyway, maybe your friend can talk him into babysitting while she has a nice night out.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Invite both or neither. Inviting only her will only cause her more problems with the relationship she has with her husband.
Post # 12
Agree with the others, you can either invite both or neither. Weather you like her husband or not, they are a package deal.
Post # 13
@echolove: There is no polite way to exclude the husband except by excluding both of them. Social units must be invited together.
If you don’t want to exclude her, then the only way to remain polite is to invite him as well. You will not have to interact with him for more then 2 minutes.
Inviting him is a courtesy to her.
Post # 14
@echolove: Did your friend tell you her husband said all those ugly things about your Fiance or were you still there? And if you were, what did you do? Did you defend him?
Post # 15
Personally a friend who let’s her husband sit there and bash me and my relationship wouldn’t be that close of a friend after that. It’s one thing to have an opinion it’s another thing to be judgy mcjudgerson and come off like an asshole. Especially given the circumstances. Normally im into the whole proper etiquette thing but given some of what has come up in planning, especially in regards to the guest list, I threw etiquette out the window a long time ago and invited who I wanted at our wedding not who I was “supposed” to invite. If someone ridiculed my weddingrelationship they surely wouldn’t be getting an invite, but I would invite the friend and if she came, great, if not, thats ok too. But this person who had so much negative to say about the person I was about to marry would not be welcome at my wedding, period. Think of it this way, your friend would be offended if you didn’t invite her husband because anything “disrespectful” to their marriage or her husband wouldn’t be taken well. But yet you should just sit back and deal with his attitude towards your relationship and marriage? Nope, not for me. That just wouldn’t work. Ill be in the minority in my opinion and this doesnt exactly go along with proper etiquette but for me, respect for my future husband and my relationship would come before etiquette.
Post # 16
@echolove: So if you were insulted, your Fiance and your relationship, you would still want and let that person be at your wedding?
I wouldn’t want them there, no. But I would accept that this is the person my friend has chosen to tie herself to (for good or bad), and accept that if I want her there, that they are a package deal.