(Closed) Not inviting one's husband to our wedding. How to handle this situation?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you have to suck it up and invite him, or else not invite her either. Some of my guests are only going to be there for the sake of my other guests’ happiness…not because I like them at all.

Post # 4
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@echolove:  Does your friend know how you feel?

Post # 5
Member
541 posts
Busy bee

My opinion is that this is not an exception. Invite them both or skip them both. Since you and your friend talk about everything, I’m sure she is aware that you don’t like her husband, so I think she will understand when they don’t get an invitation. 

Post # 7
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think there’s ever an exception to inviting someone’s spouse to a formal event. I can understand why you don’t like him but he’s your bf’s husband. You’re kind of stuck. 

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@echolove:  If it were me I would talk to my friend and ask her what she thinks. If she is OK coming without him (sounds like in THIS situation it might be ok) then go for it. If she is offended than I wouldn’t invite either of them.

Post # 10
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Would doing this maybe turn him against his wife? I’m just worried if you don’t invite him, he may turn around and blame it on her – accusing her of telling you things about him he would obviously not want you knowing, that would lead to you not wanting him at your wedding.

There are so many things to look at in this situation, her safety was the first thing I thought of. 

Do you think he will make a scene at the wedding? If not, just invite him – it will make you not feel uncomfortable for not inviting him and it will be one less fight they have. If he’s so against your relationship he may not come anyway, maybe your friend can talk him into babysitting while she has a nice night out. 

Post # 11
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Invite both or neither.  Inviting only her will only cause her more problems with the relationship she has with her husband.

Post # 12
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agree with the others, you can either invite both or neither. Weather you like her husband or not, they are a package deal. 

Post # 13
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@echolove:  There is no polite way to exclude the husband except by excluding both of them.  Social units must be invited together.

If you don’t want to exclude her, then the only way to remain polite is to invite him as well.  You will not have to interact with him for more then 2 minutes.

Inviting him is a courtesy to her. 

Post # 14
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

@echolove:  Did your friend tell you her husband said all those ugly things about your Fiance or were you still there? And if you were, what did you do? Did you defend him?

Post # 15
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Personally a friend who let’s her husband sit there and bash me and my relationship wouldn’t be that close of a friend after that. It’s one thing to have an opinion it’s another thing to be judgy mcjudgerson and come off like an asshole. Especially given the circumstances. Normally im into the whole proper etiquette thing but given some of what has come up in planning, especially in regards to the guest list, I threw etiquette out the window a long time ago and invited who I wanted at our wedding not who I was “supposed” to invite. If someone ridiculed my weddingrelationship they surely wouldn’t be getting an invite, but I would invite the friend and if she came, great, if not, thats ok too. But this person who had so much negative to say about the person I was about to marry would not be welcome at my wedding, period. Think of it this way, your friend would be offended if you didn’t invite her husband because anything “disrespectful” to their marriage or her husband wouldn’t be taken well. But yet you should just sit back and deal with his attitude towards your relationship and marriage? Nope, not for me. That just wouldn’t work. Ill be in the minority in my opinion and this doesnt exactly go along with proper etiquette but for me, respect for my future husband and my relationship would come before etiquette.

Post # 16
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@echolove:  So if you were insulted, your Fiance and your relationship, you would still want and let that person be at your wedding?

I wouldn’t want them there, no.  But I would accept that this is the person my friend has chosen to tie herself to (for good or bad), and accept that if I want her there, that they are a package deal.

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