(Closed) NOT Inviting people to my wedding that didn’t invite me to theirs?!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you invite someone to your wedding that didn't invite you to theirs?
    Yes. : (35 votes)
    34 %
    No. : (68 votes)
    66 %
  • Post # 3
    1473 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’d say to hell with them all and would NOT invite them. For one, if you are paying which it sounds as though you are, you need to stand your ground with your mother and say that if she wants to pay for them, then fine but you are not. And why on EARTH are the people who CHOSE not to invite you demanding an invitation to your wedding? That makes me mad on your behalf. Let them be angry and just ignore them. It’s your day, you shouldn’t be forced to have anyone there you don’t want there!

    Post # 4
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    In my mind it IS very hipocritical of them to demand to go to your wedding when thay didn’t invite you to theirs.

    A similar situation happened in my family last year. We’re a close family and there’s this uncle whose family has always looked down on us, well the daughter got married and only invited the parents of each family cause it was the “proper thing to do” meaning she didn’t really wanted to invite them but etiquette told her to. I’d love not to invite her to my wedding but since I’m inviting the WHOLE family I’m going to be the bigger person here and I hate doing this cause our budget’s not that big so it’s annoying to invite someone you don’t want there, but’s only 2-5 persons.

    You mention they’re extended family, say it’s an immediate family affair, you should not hve that many people you don’t want at your wedding. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with these people but with my cousins situation my idea is: “I wasn’t important enough to attend her wedding, she’s not important enough to come to mine”, I’m secretly waiting I’m not important enough for her to show up.

    Post # 5
    7311 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Invite people that you actually want to share the day with, regardless of whether or not you were invited to their wedding.

    Post # 6
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I voted yes – HOWEVER, I would only invite them if you want to. You don’t, so case closed, they aren’t invited. I can’t believe they’d have the nerve to call and ask! I would just say that due to budgetary restricitons you’re unable to include everyone, and that you’re sure they’ll understand since you know cousin X, aunt Y, whoever, had to make similar cuts with their wedding. If they protest, throw niceness aside and remind them you weren’t invited to others so they have no right to expect to be invited to yours, they should be the ones who understand!

    Post # 7
    2459 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Hell no, do not invite them, I cant believe they have the nerve to even ask where their invites are when they didn’t invite you!

    Post # 8
    23 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I voted yes, though in your particular situation I think I wouldn’t invite them.

    My friend from college got married and had a very low budget. I didn’t make the list. I tease her about it, but she is totally invited to my wedding.

    Post # 9
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    it’s not a cut and dry situation.

    what if our budget is bigger than theirs?

    what if we have become much better friends since their wedding?

    what if it was because someone pressured them 1 way or another not to invite us and threatened the couple?

    … what if……..? I’m not voting there isn’t an acceptable answer in the poll. which would be “it depends”

    Post # 10
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Is your mom paying for this wedding?

    If not, she has no right to put in her say so and you should do as you please.  If I were you, I would not invite them and never look back.  It’s not like these are close relatives.  They didn’t invite you to their weddings, but they expect to be invited to drink and dine on your dime?  HELL NO!

    Post # 11
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I just wanted to add, the fact that they’re angry at the situation… I don’t know if they’re being demanding or not, but it’s plain rude. Even if you were invited to their events you might be not inviting them to yours for X reason… DEMANDING an invitation is rude in every level.

    Post # 12
    879 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I WAS invited to my Cousins Wedding.  The I was UNINVITED after already paying for flights and accomodation.  They had some excuse about having to cut the guest list.  I was pissed because I had forked out 2 grand so my kids, Fiance and myself could attend.

    So now she and her mother and siblings are not invited to mine.  I figure I am actually extending them more courtesy then they gave me.  They will not be pressured to travel interstate and be out of pocket just for my nuptuals.

    In my opinion, I treat others the same way they treat me.  I’m not good enough for their special moments, then there is noway they are special enough for mine.

    Post # 13
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @GoldenBeauty2012: I had the exact same situation. I have extended family that have had weddings and babyshowers without inviting my family. My mom’s brothers and their families were invited, but we were not. They would brag about their get together to us and then not invite us.

    So when my wedding came, I did not invite them. I too was on a strict budget. Were they angry? Yep. The called my MOTHER asking for invites. My mom got upset with me. I told her firmly that I was NOT paying for people that do not care enough for me to come eat and drink on my dime and then fade into oblivion.

    Our wedding wasgreat. IGNORE THEM. I’m snarky enough to ask them why they are demanding an invite to yours without every inviting you. You do not own them an explanation. I would just say “the guest list has been decided” and then hang up.

    Post # 14
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If you’re paying for the wedding, don’t do it. It’s not fair for your Mom to ask you to invite people that you clearly don’t want there. I have 3 Aunts that I rarely speak too and they will not be invited – will they be mad? Probably. Do I care? Nope.  

    Post # 15
    2254 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I vote no. It seems that it would disturb you if they actually attended. If thats the case, why even put yourself in that situation? At the end of the day, people’s expectations aside, the day should be about what you and your fiance are comfortable with.

    Post # 16
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Yes, though it depends on the situation. Not getting an invite to a low key family wedding? No problem. Not getting an invite to a 300 person blowout? Probably wouldn’t bother inviting them to mine.

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