Post # 1
Pretty sure I already know the answer but I want to ask anyway.
When Fiance and I were doing up our guest list, it was looking like Fiance was going to be inviting more friends than I was. Not wanting to look like a friendless loser at our wedding, I decided to invitie some of my semi-friends from work.
I didn’t invite everyone that I work with, and I know this is usually a big no-no, but I know my coworkers, and they aren’t the sort of people that care or take offense to this.
The only thing is that one of the coworkers I wanted to invite lived with a coworker that I didn’t really want to invite. I knew it would be rude to mail out my STD addressed to only one of them, so I just decided to invite both.
STD’s were sent out in March.
NOW, they no longer live together. The coworker I wanted to invite has moved to a different city (but she’s still coming.) and the other coworker has moved in with her boyfriend. Other coworker has assumed that her boyfriend is also invited to the wedding.
My Fiance just got a new job and there is a high chance that we will be moving cities before mailing out our invitations now.
So my question is… can I just not mail the other coworker an invitation and hope she’ll forget about the wedding?
(I’m pretty sure you’ll all tell me that I have to invite her) If this is the case, can I tell her that her boyfriend isn’t invited? Or do I have to invite him too? They’ve been together for about a year and a half.
I’m really disappointed in myself for being so stupid in the first place that I wanted to invite people just so that it looked like I had more of my own friends at the wedding, even though most of FI’s friends are my friends now too. I realise now that the most important thing is sharing the day with people I care about and have a future with.
Post # 3
@jothecatlady: Don’t invite her then! Call her up and say something like there’s been a change to the venue/numbers/budget etc and that unfortunately you have to cut back, apologise, etc and just move on.
Post # 4
You dont HAVE to invite her, it is your wedding..BUT…it would be in extrememly poor taste not to. Unfortunately you might have to bite the bullet and invite her, HOWEVER you do not have to invite her boyfriend and then she might not come anyways. Problem solved 🙂
Post # 5
You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to.
Post # 6
I agree with MsLouella. You don’t have to invite anyone, but it’s incredibly rude to not invite someone once you’ve sent them a save the date. She seems excited enough to come, since she’s told you she’s coming and bringing a date. You could mention that due to space restrictions/budget/some other reason you can’t permit a +1, but even that is a little fuzzy on the politeness scale.
Post # 7
I’m really shocked that all of your comments so far have been so supportive! I was expecting abuse for even suggesting it.
Post # 8
Are you still working with her? If no, then I say go ahead and be rude because you have no plans to see her in the future.
If you are, recognize this could negatively affect your work environment and relationship.
Also depending on the industry you are in and the level of employee, industries get to be really small and slighting someone could come back at a later time when you are looking for a new job (different city or not)
Post # 9
If you still work with her and might into the future, I would invite her. Really you should invite her in any circumstance since you already told her an invitation is forthcoming by sending the STD. Not just so you stay in etiquette’s good graces but also because I think it could hurt her feelings to get an STD and then no invitation, and even if you don’t particularly like her, you probably don’t want to hurt her feelings. But you don’t have to invite her boyfriend! Plead space issues or whatever, or just plain don’t invite him, and maybe she won’t come anyway.
Post # 10
It is extremely rude to give someone a save the date and then not invite them because you don’t want to anymore. You erred in sending the save the date in the first place. Just because you moved is not license to be rude. Invite everyone that you sent a save the date to and their boyfriends.
Post # 11
@MrsBroccoli: I agree w you 100% Im surprised about all these responses actually. I get that yeah as the bride there is the whole do whatever you want its your wedding type attitude but i think in this case, that rule does not apply. If you sent the std you should definitely send the invite! thats rude not to.. you should have just not sent her a std in the first place even if they lived together..I think that is less rude then sending a std andnot sending invite.
Post # 12
I agree with PP. it’s rude and poor etiquette… But it’s your wedding! She’ll probably think you are a b*tch if you don’t send her an invite, but if you’re okay with that, then don’t send her one! The etiquette police will not hunt you down and burn you at the stake (although they might talk about you behind your back)!
Post # 13
Barring a complete end of the relationship, I think STD recipients should always get an invite. In your case, you could say you don’t have room for her +1, especially since it sounds like a new-ish relationship. She does sound excited to come and it would be rude to not send an invite.
Post # 14
For others planning to do Save-The-Date Cards, sometimes it’s good to just send them to the VIP people (this is not rude at all). Not all guests have to get an STD, but all people who got an STD must get an invitation. So that could be one way around this sticky situation it for future brides!
Post # 15
I do hope that other brides learn from your experiences, that STD’s are certainly not a required part of an invitation suite, and are more times then not problem causing.
I also hate the question “do I have to invite them” you already did. You just haven’t followed up with the details.
Also live in boyfriends must always be invited, as they are a social unit and social units cannot be split.
Post # 16
Based on the principle of the situation I would say you have to invite her. Its not about if she’s really your friend or not, you did send her a STD which mean she already assumes she is invited to the wedding and will just be waiting for further details to be sent to her. As for the boyfriend thats up to you . I would just invite her if you were really pressed for numbers