(Closed) Not inviting spouses to rehearsal dinner?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be upset if you weren't invited to the rehearsal dinner as a spouse of the wedding party?
    Yes : (122 votes)
    81 %
    No : (24 votes)
    16 %
    Other- see explanation below : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always thought it was expected for spouses to be invited as well.  It wasn’t even a question for us – it seems like it would be very rude to ask the spouse to stay home.  Can your husband ask for you to attend as well and maybe you pay for your own dinner?  I really think it’s odd they wouldn’t include peoples’ SO’s!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t say anything (budgets are budgets) but I’d definitely think it was odd.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would def be upset.  I get budgets are budgets but nobody said it has to be some big fancy thing.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    4150 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would be pretty annoyed. Not only is that bad wedding etiquette, but I just think it’s plain rude. They’re inviting their bridal party, which includes the closest people in their lives but they’re not inviting their spouses, who would help to ensure these people are comfortable and have a good time? Yeah, not cool.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I wouldn’t be bothered.  I didn’t go to my own brother’s rehearsal dinner because I wasn’t in the wedding party.  I figure as long as all the spouses are invited to the wedding then what is the big deal?  At least to me.  I can understand that it would upset others.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @monique1218:  Yeah the situation seems kind of wierd to me.  If they had a budget issue, then I would think that they would maybe try to scale back their menu for the rehersal dinner, kind of like you and your husband did.  Rehersal dinners don’t have to be catered events.  I wouldn’t say anything about it to them, though.  It’ll probably just make an already awkward situation a little more awkward.

    Post # 11
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    that’s similar to when my fiance had a company Christmas party the first year it was really nice we brought our daughter and it was fun and casual the next year it was at a restaurant and you weren’t allowed  to bring anyone so i figured i might just pay my own way nope i wasn’t allowed i thought that was kind of rude why would they do anything then….. but anyway i would just leave it be they probably feel bad already about it…

    Post # 12
    Member
    2601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    As I know it, spouses of the wedding party are supposed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. 

    Disappointing to be snubbed, I know. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    7606 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’d be upset & disappointed, too.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If the spouse lives locally, I don’t see anything wrong with this. Budgets are budgets, as mentioned before, but there’s also a lot of logistics to consider, starting with how many people can fit at the rehearsal dinner and how much food can be prepared there, and who’s paying. Unless you know why they made this decision, I wouldn’t take it personally. For all you know, that was the only way to leave some other spouse out of it (Joe’s wife drinks too much and might cause a scene….)

    FWIW We’re not even having a rehearsal dinner. We’re doing a pre-rehearsal lunch with just those in the wedding— spouses not invited, but if one were to come along, I’d be okay with that. We decided on lunch instead of dinner because it’s a lot cheaper, and most of our bridal party is local; the out-of-towers have already said they were looking forward to museum-hopping, so they are now no longer obligated to spend half the day with us. We’re going to do a cocktail party with anyone and everyone after the rehearsal. The hotel gives free happy hour so it really helps our bleeding checkbooks.

    Post # 15
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    ugh this totally happened to me too when Fiance was in a wedding party a couple of years ago…  i was really annoyed (especially when i found out other SO’s were invited), but i wound up enjoying the wedding.  I never said anything, but now that i am planning our rehearsal dinner, i am a little tempted not to include the wife of said friend.

     

    Can you go out for a dinner with other SO’s??  that would probably be more fun anyway 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If I was in the wedding party and they didn’t invite my husband I would probably just go to the rehearsal and then just go home. Not meant to be bitchy just think that with all the other time spent over a wedding weekend I’d just want to be out of the crowd.

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