(Closed) not invitinng family memebers to the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Ouch – rough situation.  I would leave it up to your son and his finace to make the call.  It’s their wedding, after all.  They should get the final say as to who gets invited regardless of who is paying the bill.  That’s my two cents. 

Post # 4
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, you didn’t give us many details about why you don’t talk, but usually in these circumstances I always lean towards the “forget about it, stop holding your grudge and invite them”.  Weddings are about uniting with friends and family, wouldn’t it be great if you and your brother were able to reconcile at your son’s wedding? 

Life’s too short…invite them.

Post # 5
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Looks like I’m going to be in the minority on this one.

This is very similar to what happened at my wedding.  My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law were not speaking to FIL’s brother and sister, and Mother-In-Law was not speaking to any of her brothers.  We all sat down and talked about it.  My husband and I understood why they were not speaking to all of them and why they didn’t want any of them at the wedding.  We backed them up on the decision NOT to invite them to the wedding.  We felt that it was more important for our parents to be happy and relaxed and enjoy the day, rather than just invite them “because they are family”. We all knew that everyone would be fake so what was the point?  I am happy with our decision and it’s been a year and a half since the wedding.  If the reason you are not speaking to them is valid, then sit down and have a talk with your son to see his feelings on the issue.  If the reason is something petty, then maybe you should let it go.  But I am a firm believer that you should NOT have to invite someone to a wedding that you would not welcome in your home “just because they are family”.

PS – FIL’s brother has 2 sons.  We invited ONE son, not the other and not the parents.  The one son came and sat with other family members that were invited.  So don’t anyone tell me that you have to invite everyone!

Post # 6
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Speaking as a former bride, we invited people to our wedding that we truly did not like. We did it to be nice, extend an olive branch and put the past behind us and move on. They did not come, but if they had, it would have been fine.

I’m assuming that if you’re not speaking to your own brother, something really bad happened. But, who this will truly affect the most is the bride and groom. I say let them decide and whatever they want, just go with it. Everyone should be able to be an adult for the sake of someone else’s wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

It’s a tough situation. We’re going through a similar sit. too in my family. My father doesn’t want to invite his brother, I don’t really want my Uncle there either but my mom thinks we should. I haven’t seen my Uncle in about 8yrs (since my grandmother’s funeral) – he lives 1/2 way across the country, he’s never been part of my life, and he’s an enormous jerk.

The Q you also have to ask yourself is – if you DO decide to invite them… where do you sit them?

Dad & I kinda won Mom over with that argument. Obv. my parents don’t want my Uncle (& his wacky wife) at their table & they don’t want to saddle any other family members or friends with putting him at another table, so he’s out. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you don’t get along with them, but it is your son’s wedding, so if he wants to invite them, they should be invited. You don’t have to talk to them.

Post # 9
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I also agree that your son and future daughter in law should make this call. They may have a different realtionship with these people then you do. I would just talk to then about it and leave it up to them

Post # 10
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Obviously we are not sure of all the details but honestly, I don’t think it’s your place to invite or not invite people, I think that is up to your son and his soon to be wife, it’s their day, their wedding and should be their decision. Even if your Brother does end up coming I think you should be civil (and your Brother), your son and his Fiancee do not need the drama.

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