Post # 1
Okay this is an odd one, happened to me a year ago – my SO, then Boyfriend or Best Friend bought a house without me even seeing it, less than 6 months before I was due to finish university. I’ve been living in the house for 6 months now but my name isn’t on anything; I don’t want to put my name on anything – I was devastated that he had bought a house and not consulted me, he tried to make it better by letting me choose the wallpaper etc but then his mum and sister took over and bought all the cushions and rugs etc.
He now wants me to concider putting my name on the house but I really don’t want to – I think it was a huge thing that I managed to stay with him at all (figured it was none of my business as it was his money etc but was angry for good 6 months that he expected me just to move in).
Also, his dad wants him to one day take over his granddad’s house (his granddad died 2 years ago). So it’ll be happneing to me again one day in a few years.
I don’t know what’s brought all this up again today of all day (things have been great with us for last few days after months of arguing).
Guess I want to know what you guys think – am I over-reacting? Have I made my own bed?
Post # 3
I would be upset also but maybe a little relieved to not have to go through the stress of looking for a house.
Post # 4
I dont think your overreacting, however dont let the feeling just stay pint up. you need to talk to him about how you feel. Buying a house is HUGE and you should have been including in that decsion. You guys should def sit down and have a conversation reagrding communication and openness.
Post # 5
@Katnisseverdeen: I kinda feel like I was robbed of house hunting, decorating, and making it my home. He’s paid a lot of money into the mortgage so it’s already half his (he’s paid half of it off). Just feel like it’s not mine and worry that that won’t change when I do have my name on it. Also, angry I wasn’t involved in such a big decision – last week he went shopping with his dad for a car for me! I have a car! I don’t want a new car, I don’t have money for a new car and he just didn’t get why I was angry – think I’m worried it’ll become a common occurrance.
Post # 6
@MrsStrawberry24: Do you think I still have a leg to stand on when I’ve been living in the house with him for the last 6 months?
Post # 7
I’d be very upset too. Money is not the deciding factor. Lots of couples have only one income coming in or one supports the other doesn’t mean he isn’t supposed to include you.
How long we’re you two together when he did it?
Id be concerned over what other “big” decisions he may later make that he thinks it’s okay to exclude you on.
Id have a talk and discuss some boundaries. This includes him taking over his grandfathers house. Not sure the details, if it’s a gift or whatever. But your a twosome now and if he doesn’t consider you know I doubt he will later.
Post # 8
@fireNice: Think we’d been together a year and a half at the time – it was more the fact then that I thought we’d be doing it together. No – his granddad’s house would be bought off his parents (I’ve told him I’m not agreeing to anything until I consult a lawyer – I’m not paying into a house for nothing! I know that sounds mean but my parents are going through a divorce (part of the reason why I’m living with SO).
Post # 9
Was it already decided that you were moving in together before he bought the house? Like, 100% definitely no other options you were moving in and this was the plan? Because I think if there was any uncertainty about it at all, you really have no leg to stand on- his money, his mortgage, his house, his choice. Fiance bought our house while we were together but before we decided to take concrete steps to move in together. I went to a couple places with him, but didn’t see this one til after closing. We sort of knew I’d be moving in eventually, but since we didn’t know when, I had absolutely no right to tell him yes or no on buying. For the record, this is not the house I would’ve picked- not the area, not the house, nothing.
Part of moving in together though should’ve been a discussion about where, unless you were like me and perfectly content to move into a ready-made home.
Honestly, I’d be more worried that he went car shopping for you without you. That seems really bizarre unless he’s going to buy you a car and you guys have the money to swing it.
That said, I don’t think you need to put your name on anything. My name is on like utilities and stuff so I can access customer service for the accounts, and he signed a third party authorization for me with the mortgage company, which means the mortgage company can discuss the details of the account with me (I work in mortgage and foreclosure, and I know more about this stuff than he does, so when we had some issues with homeowner’s insurance last year it made more sense for me to talk to them). But my credit is not attached to the house in any way and I’m not on the note or the mortgage as the borrower. I would recommend your doing that kind of stuff- it just makes it easier when both people can talk to customer service in case a problem comes up. But there’s no reason to add your name to the mortgage unless it would make you feel better, and it doesn’t seem like it would. It would only provide more headaches if you ever were to break up.