(Closed) Not involved in decision

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be upset also but maybe a little relieved to not have to go through the stress of looking for a house.

Post # 4
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I dont think your overreacting, however dont let the feeling just stay pint up. you need to talk to him about how you feel. Buying a house is HUGE and you should have been including in that decsion. You guys should def sit down and have a conversation reagrding communication and openness.

Good luck!

Post # 7
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be very  upset too. Money is not the deciding factor. Lots of couples have only one income coming in or one supports the other  doesn’t mean he isn’t supposed to include you.

How long we’re you two together when he did it? 

Id be concerned over what other “big” decisions he may later make that he thinks it’s okay to exclude you on.

Id have a talk and discuss some boundaries. This includes him taking over his grandfathers house. Not sure the details, if it’s a gift or whatever. But your a twosome now and if he doesn’t consider you know I doubt he will later. 

Post # 9
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Was it already decided that you were moving in together before he bought the house?  Like, 100% definitely no other options you were moving in and this was the plan? Because I think if there was any uncertainty about it at all, you really have no leg to stand on- his money, his mortgage, his house, his choice.  Fiance bought our house while we were together but before we decided to take concrete steps to move in together. I went to a couple places with him, but didn’t see this one til after closing.  We sort of knew I’d be moving in eventually, but since we didn’t know when, I had absolutely no right to tell him yes or no on buying.  For the record, this is not the house I would’ve picked- not the area, not the house, nothing.

Part of moving in together though should’ve been a discussion about where, unless you were like me and perfectly content to move into a ready-made home.

Honestly, I’d be more worried that he went car shopping for you without you.  That seems really bizarre unless he’s going to buy you a car and you guys have the money to swing it.

That said, I don’t think you need to put your name on anything.  My name is on like utilities and stuff so I can access customer service for the accounts, and he signed a third party authorization for me with the mortgage company, which means the mortgage company can discuss the details of the account with me (I work in mortgage and foreclosure, and I know more about this stuff than he does, so when we had some issues with homeowner’s insurance last year it made more sense for me to talk to them).  But my credit is not attached to the house in any way and I’m not on the note or the mortgage as the borrower.  I would recommend your doing that kind of stuff- it just makes it easier when both people can talk to customer service in case a problem comes up.  But there’s no reason to add your name to the mortgage unless it would make you feel better, and it doesn’t seem like it would.  It would only provide more headaches if you ever were to break up.

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