Post # 1
I am freaking out. We’ve had our ups and downs, breakups, makeups. Now it’s like we’re roommates, the passion is simply not there, I love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. I’ve told him this because we have an honest relationship and he has been crushed ever since. He was never my type to begin with. Introvert, anti social, looks physically like a man boy, (not masculine type) acts like a boy and thinks like one at times. He doesn’t have friends, doesn’t like to go out but will if forced. I’ve always dated the outgoing type but no one has loved me so unconditionally like he has. I’m no longer sexually attracted to him I constantly fantasize about other men but never go through with it. When we broke up for a few weeks before, I tried to put myself out there for a short period of time by going on match.com dates which sent me running right back to Z. I forgot all about the losers in the world and how hard it is to find a decent guy.
but on the same token he’s got a big heart, generous, thoughtful, loves my family, cares about me and my family. I don’t know how to make myself fall in love with him again. Believe me if I could force myself to love him again I would. I’ve thrown pennies into fountains, blown out candles like they were birthday wishes.
When he touches me or tries to turn me on he acts scared/unsure of himself which is a turnoff to me. I want a MAN man. I’ve always had great partners in bed and great chemistry. With him I don’t even try anymore. He gets emotional and gets sensitive and his feelings get hurt. I’m not used to being with a “female” he gets his period every month.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to find someone who will love me like he will.
1. when do I know to call it off(engagement) OR
2. how do I make it so that i fall in love with him all over again?
I pray all the time that I fall in love with him all over again but it hasn’t happened. I don’t like how he touches me it tickles, not a man that’s in control or a confident man.
I’m used to dating confident men who are outgoing.
I can picture him to be a great dad but I can’t imagine a lackluster husband/partner in bed. He’s not good in bed at all, he uses his finger to check if i’m wet and i’m like i’m not a turkey and your finger is not a turkey baster/thermometer, then i’m like let’s just get this over with. he’s 32 and doesn’t know how to turn on a woman!!
I was a nympho before I met him. I dont know if it’s cuz I put on weight or that I simply am not interested in him that makes my sex drive die. I think partly it’s because he’s disappointed me a few times in our relationship. There were incidents where we got into a car accident and I was badly injured he was literally stunned and retarded, he didn’t know what to do but stand there and ask me if I was ok. HELLO FUCKTARD I’m fucking bleeding all over the place. He doesn’t have the maturity of a man and that’s always been annoying to me. Can I marry this guy? How do I break the news to family? It’s so shameful. What if I can’t do any better than him? I’ll be single till I’m 40?
He’s such a great guy in other ways I don’t want to break his heart again by bringing this up unless I’m SURE. Every time I tell him that I don’t think we’re a good fit or that I don’t like this about him he gets super girly and sensitive and never fully recovers so it’s hard to talk to him about anything. He never lets anything go.
What should I do?
We have vested too much: bought a house, adopted a dog, and announced to everyone we’re engaged.
I am simply too disappointed and unhappy to go through with it. HELP! I am a mess.
I don’t want to marry into a sexless and passionless marriage
I have no one to talk to. My mom will probably tell me to suck it up and marry him because everyone loves him.
*if he was a bad guy, an abusive guy or a loser it would make my decision to leave so much easier, he’s such a nice guy and ag reat guy but I need more.
HELP!! has anyone felt this way? did you go through with it? how did it work out? can we make this work?
my therapist(just started yesterday) said I was trying to force the puzzle piece to fit. we’re just not a good fit it seems.
Post # 3
another incident during a huge snowstorm we had a huge blowout, I walked out and disappeared toa hotel for 3 days he never once called, text to find out where I was, if I was ok. The thing is he didn’t worry. When I asked him why didn’t he show any concern, what if I got stuck in the snow, or abducted/raped, he said that I was walking out on my will, that I was ag rown woman. During those 3 days he didn’t call my parents or bff to find out where I was or to look for me. He instead spent those 3 days on Farmville. Yes he had time to get on facebook and plant/harvest his crops. WHAT KIND OF MAN IS THAT??? He’s so freakin weird. he doesnt’ act like a normal human being sometimes. Who does that? If your gf walked out and disappeared for 3 days and th cops show up and ask you where is she, and you say I don’t know. YOU WOULD BE A HUGE SUSPECT. I told him all signs point to you even though you may not have killed me. you would be framed by yourself as my killer if that day were to happen just because of your lack of concern . he’s that weird.
these incidents have traumatized me where I question his ability as a partner, husband and a man. He never once begged for me back. I just went back cuz he said he missed me. I’m the loser here. I wish I never went back, cuz now it’s been 4 years and it’s harder to leave. I dont want to hurt him but I’m not sure if tbreaking up is the right thing to do.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should get married. Some of the things you have said here are so mean, I’m not sure why you ever got engaged in the first place. You should break it off – he deserves that much.
Post # 5
I think you should walk away. You are clearly not ready to spend your life with this man, and while it will hurt him in the short run, it’s the only fair thing to do for him. You don’t even seem to like him.
Post # 6
You can’t force yourself to love someone because you think they’d be good for you.
If you don’t love him, don’t marry him. It’s not fair to either of you. He deserves to be with someone that loves him, not someone stringing him along because they’re afraid they can’t do better. You deserve to be with someone that makes you happy and satisfies your needs.
Post # 7
It sounds like he’s not what you need or want. I wouldn’t drag things out any longer. Call off the engagement. It’s the hard, but brave thing to do. You will find true happiness when you’re with the right person. Don’t let anyone pressure you into a marriage you know in your gut is not right.
Post # 8
Wow. Please don’t marry him. He doesn’t deserve that. A lot of what you said is very mean and hurtful.
Just leave so you can both find ppl that actually love you.
Post # 9
Honestly, it sounds like you have already made up your mind. I think writing a page essentially bashing the man you agreed to spend the rest of your life with is a pretty telling sign.
I have to say though, I find the whole part about him being framed for your murder both insanely dramatic and somewhat distrubing. I wouldn’t have called either if you walked out and didn’t call for three days. Why is he the bad guy for not calling when you didn’t call him either? It is just as immature to leave a fight (in a snowstorm, nonetheless). If you love someone and care about them you face your problems, not run away from them.
I am in no way trying to bash you. I just feel bad for this poor guy who, by your own words, is nothing but a stand up guy. He isn’t your physical type and has attributes that you do not find attractive so you bash him completely on WB? It sounds like you would be doing both of you a favor to just end it now. Why would you even consider marrying him under false pretenses?
Post # 10
I feel so bad for your fiance. He deserves someone to love him unconditionally
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Seems like you want a typical ‘alpha male’, and your guy doesn’t fit that.
Also, I think it’s pretty messed up that you got mad that he was stunned and disoriented after a car accident and asking if you were okay. What exactly did you expect him to do?
Post # 12
As usual, I think Elvis hit the nail on the head. You both deserve to be with someone that you adore. Right now you’re on this site bashing him because you’re feeling frustrated and trapped, not because you’re mean. This obviously isn’t the right guy for you, and you’re obviously not the right gal for him.
Please end it.
Post # 13
Ditto and if it takes waiting till your 40 to find the right guy, so be it.
Post # 14
@coldfeet81: But what kind of woman walks out without saying where she’s going. You’re just as guilty, if not moreso, of childish behavior in this instance.
You should leave because no one can truly build a life with someone they don’t respect. As for the sexless part – check out Savage Love to see what happens when partners want sex but a marriage is sexless. Save yourself both some heartache and leave now.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t plan a wedding now. It’s good that you are seeing a therapist to put this into perspective for you. If he sounds so opposite to you, I’m curious to know how did you have a relationship that lead to engagement?
Post # 16
“If you don’t love him, don’t marry him. It’s not fair to either of you. He deserves to be with someone that loves him, not someone stringing him along because they’re afraid they can’t do better. You deserve to be with someone that makes you happy and satisfies your needs.“
What she said!!