Post # 17
“There were incidents where we got into a car accident and I was badly injured he was literally stunned and retarded, he didn’t know what to do but stand there and ask me if I was ok. HELLO FUCKTARD I’m fucking bleeding all over the place. He doesn’t have the maturity of a man and that’s always been annoying to me. Can I marry this guy?”
The paragraph above is a HUGE red flag. If you feel this way, you cannot marry him. You should not be together. Please break it off before you get married and before anything else happens. If he responds that way to a car crash (and it’s not the way YOU had hoped he would respond); think about what will happen when you are in labor, if there is another accident, if there is a fire, etc. He is certainly not going to respond in a way that you deem appropriate.
Do not continue to stay with someone just because they have some good qualities. If you are not sexually or emotionally attracted or attached to someone you should not expect to fall in love with them.
Post # 18
Couldn’t have said it better!!
Please break it off. You can’t force yourself to love someone, and it isn’t fair for him to go ahead and marry someone who basically cringes at his touch. I’m just trying to put myself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed, and my husband had written something like this about me before the wedding…well, needless to say I’d be more than devastated. 🙁
Post # 19
Nevermind. I don’t think I can say what I’m trying to say nicely.
Post # 20
It doesn’t sound like you will be any more happy once your married. If anything it will probably stress you out more. Don’t worry about pleasing anyone else by staying with him. It is your life and it’s not fair to you or him to have the feelings you have toward him. I don’t think this makes you a bad person, It just sounds like you guys have no true chemistry. I know what your going through can’t be easy but you have the chance to change your life and in the future be in a passionate, loving , happy relationship. I’ve dated a few guys where this was the situation…super sweet/nice guys that liked me a lot more than I liked them and it didn’t last long because I wasn’t going to pretend something was there when it wasn’t. I wish you luck and hope you come to a decision you can be at peace with.
Post # 21
End it now, yeah it may hurt him but in the long run it’ll be better for the both of you. The last thing ud want is to see yourselfs down the line totally unhappy with kids, get divorced and so on. Spare yourselves the heart ache and stress now if you dont love him for who he is then its best to part ways, starting a marriage with so much resentment is not healthy. Just dont go back to him again, if you do break up because you can’t find Mr Right straight away, it’s ok to be alone for a while.
Post # 22
There are worse things than being single, even forever. One of them is most definitely being in a bad marriage. Respect should be huge. If you do not respect him, then absolutely do not marry him.
Post # 23
@coldfeet81: Time to pack up and walk away
Post # 24
I don’t think you should marry him… It doesn’t even sound like you like him. :-/
Post # 25
I can’t think of a nicer way to say this…if you talk to him the way you wrote this post, he is a victim of verbal and emotional abuse. Therapy for both of you would be a great idea.
Post # 27
don’t settle – there are tons of good guys out there, one that will fit your needs better. if you feel this way now you will feel worse later and begin to resent the relationship you are in. It will be painful and difficult but it would be 100 times harder the longer you wait. Give yourself the opportunity to find that special someone, someone who will not make you second guess your relationship. Good Luck! I know its not an easy situation.
another thing: soooo many people stay in relationships because they are scared to be alone – but if you arent alone you wont have the opportunity to meet the right person…
I was dating a guy for 3 years when he broke up with me, i saw i coming but none the less i was devestated – looking back i couldnt be more thankful and happy that he had the nerve to end it because i met my husband less than a month later and had i held on like i wanted who knows what would have happened…i might not be happily married.
Post # 28
when did you start feeling this way? After the house, the dog, the engagement? Marriage does not fix things, its a step and a commitment two people take together. I’m sorry but I can’t even believe the things you said about him, OBVIOUSLY you should not marry him. If you talk to him the way you wrote about him, no wonder he is insecure. Like PP said it would be verbal abuse. Why don’t you stop complaining about the fact he’s not the kind of man you want – hello, if he’s not the man you want LEAVE, it’s really not that complicated.
Post # 29
HOnestly, I am pretty upset about the way you are taking about your Fiance.
YOu need to leave asap. Your attitude toward him is honestly AWFUL. It seems like you hate this man. like he is replusive to you. please dont tell him any of the things you said above. they are hurtful and rude and there is no need to tell him this. just tell him that do you love him and cannot marry him. you need to leave a find you a “manly man” like it seems you want.
Although I am frustrated with your attitude, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find what you are looking for. I also hope that your Fiance finds a woman that appreciates and loves him for him.
Post # 30
I’m sorry you are so frustrated, but I think the fact that you wrote not one but two posts stating everything you dislike about your Fiance is a tell-tale sign. And I agree with @mandypop
, your words were more than a little harsh and you both would really benefit from some therapy and I am happy you’ve taken that step.
Please do yourself and him a favor and get out now. Be strong and know that it is ultimately the best decision, if a hard one. Better now than in a year when you find yourself regretful and even more upset. Best of luck to you. You will find the right man.
Post # 31
It sounds like your mind has been made.
I don’t think you deserve him.