(Closed) NOT JUST COLD FEET

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely agree with “MissMetro”.

I am very positive nothing good will come out if you stay in such an unhealthy relationship… At this point you are both just hurting each other. On the other hand, your parents and family will get over the breakup at some point, but they are NOT the ones who will marry him, it is YOU, so you have to think of you and him and know that, at this point, you are better off getting out of this relationship.

I hope you make the best desicion….

Post # 78
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This a forum where your thought’s should be able to be posted without a lot of judgement. Clearly OP was looking to get advice not to be judged on how she feels. We all have feelings and most of the time we can’t help how we feel. Sometimes our feeling’s can come across as mean but none the less we feel them. I think you talk about your Fiance that way because you have lost respect for him as a person and a man. I am also a female that needs an alpha male. I’m a strong female so I need an even stronger man. I can’t stand a man that has a lot of insecurities. It’s VERY unattractive and a huge turn off to me. I also don’t like men who cry a lot. (think it’s endearing sometimes) But if he cries more than me, we have a problem. lol! So I completely understand your train of thought.  However, if you are feeling this way then you probably should call it quits. I don’t think those feelings go away that easily. And marriage is not the answer. You made it very clear you wish you could make it work and fall back in love with him. However you can’t force feeling’s that are just not there. If the relationship is right then you’ll fit naturally without having to force it. Try not to be afraid of being alone. There are men out there that have the quailities your looking for. You gotta kiss a few toads to get your prince.Wink

Post # 79
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I guess I just have to ask: if you knew he felt similarly about you (i.e. that you’re not sexually attractive, that you don’t turn him on, that you’re not the type of girl he would ever go out with, that you’re immature, that he doesn’t even really like you), would you still want him to marry you? For me, I know the answer would be a resounding “No.” If it’s the same answer for you, then I think you owe it to your Fiance to break things off. He probably doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who thinks so little of him.”

 

+1 Perfectly stated by @parasol

Post # 80
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’VE BEEN THERE. My previous relationship was with the EXACT same “type” of guy…even down to the small, unsure hands that just annoyed and tickled when he touched me…..I GET IT. I GET IT I GET IT.

 

You need to break up with him. It doesn’t get better and BOTH of you need to be happy.

 

 

Post # 81
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

You shoudn’t marry him. Alot of your comments are (in my opinion) mean / hurtful. Though I dont think it will be easy I think he would be better off if you ended it

Post # 82
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I second what SandyDollHair said. I GET IT too.  I was with someone very much like this.  In fact, I was the girl that went through with the marriage.  It didn’t end well.  Trust me.  In the end, it hurt a lot more when I had to tell him, and our families, that it was over.

On the bright side, here I am, a few years later, with the greatest man alive.  Walk away from this relationship.  Save both of you the time and heartbreak.  If your heart isn’t in it (and it clearly isn’t), then end it now.

Post # 83
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Umm…I want to know why you, and others that have the same scenario, even said “Yes, I will marry you”…marriage wil make this situation worse, not better. I’m not trying to be mean, but it just seems odd to me that girls even say yes when they are really not happy.

Post # 84
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Annebanan: I said yes to getting married because I was happy at the time.  Unfortunately, after being together for years, I realized that HE was with ME for reasons similar to what the OP was talking about.  He didn’t think he would find anyone else essentially.  Unlike the OP, I loved him, but soon after we were married and realizing that he had feelings like that, I felt that I deserved better than someone “settling” for me.  So…obviously every situation is different, but I can see where the OP is coming from (but not the bashing of her man).  Hopefully, that made sense?

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