Kld37: I so agree with everything you wrote, your post is like a page from my diary.
DH and I dated for exactly two years before getting married. We did not live together until we got married.
We had no problems learning how to be under a roof together. We had a wonderful, romantic, traditional honeymoon period of being legally married newlyweds. I loved it because that was just what I had always pictured and wanted. In my mind, and in my relationship, it wouldn’t have been as exciting or romantic if we were just living together. I wanted the ring and the Mrs. in front of my name, the old fashioned way.
My feeling was always that we didn’t need to do a test run to see how things would work out — because if we ever ran into any problems, we would simply work it out or get counseling or whatever.
I think too it worked out well for us because we are very compatible in our communication styles. We don’t jump to conclusions or use verbally abusive, name-calling language towards each other. We don’t yell. If we have a difference of opinion about something, we give each other the benefit of the doubt and talk it over and work it out
We’re coming up on our third wedding anniversary — five years together as a couple — and we’ve never had a knock down, drag out fight about anything.
The other reason I didn’t want to live together first is because I know myself and my insecurities well. And if we had lived together first, I would have driven myself and him crazy with anxiety about when the proposal was coming. By maintaining my own apartment and having that boundary between us, I felt like I maintained my power, if you will. Even on a week to week basis, we both worked hard to keep the romance going.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder — in my relationship, that was true. Because of his busy work schedule, we didn’t get together much during the week, but every Saturday, it was fireworks! I have a lot of happy memories of those times!