(Closed) Not Living Together Till Marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I think you’re my wedding bee soulmate, FYI.

Post # 78
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MrsFutureG: I have a soulmate?! Yay!! We are going to the same location for our weddingmoon/honeymoon and have a lot of the same opinions. Yes, it must be true, we were meant to be friends, lol.

Post # 79
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsPanda99:  Exactly. You have excellent taste and a good head on your shoulders. Every post I see you on I’m nodding and going “yup, she nailed it.”

Post # 80
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think each couple probably has their own best option!

However, I was unwilling to live with someone to whom I wasn’t engaged, but I wouldn’t want to wait until after the wedding to deal with all of the move-in transition stuff!

For me, moving in together after being engaged is the perfect medium 🙂 I lived with my SO briefly (and kind of unofficially) shortly before moving abroad for school, and now I finally get to go back and live with him and I’m SO excited!

My reasons for not wanting to live together first:

1. my momma told me so 😉 

2. I think it really increases the risk of a relationship just coasting…I personally have always wanted to find the person I’d marry, and the purpose of dating FOR ME was to determine whether we’d marry or not. So I didn’t want to ever just get comfortable in a de-facto marriage, and end up waiting a long time to get engaged. Sometimes men just aren’t in any hurry, and while that didn’t actually end up being an issue with my Fiance, I hypothesized that not getting to live together pre-engagement might get a guy to think seriously about where the relationship was going and decide sooner rather than later

3. I’ve seen people break up with their live-in boyfriends and it is just AWFUL. It’s like a mini-divorce! But people don’t necessarily understand what you’re going through the same way as they would if you said “I called off the engagement” or “we’re getting divorced.” Maybe this is morbid or caring too much what people think, but if something awful were to happen (a break-up or a family emergency or something) I’d want the legal/social protection of everyone knowing how serious the relationship is without having to explain it. 

Post # 81
Member
11481 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@ninelives:  Although I cannot speak for everyone else who chooses not to live together prior to marriage, to me, this is a decision that is based on a person’s fundamental belief system and world view, and the logic applied to the decision will differ along with those fundamental beliefs and the world view of the person who is making the decision.

My world view is such that I believe in certain absolute, moral truths that do not change regardless of how I or anyone else may feel or think about them at any given point in time and that, while human beings absolutely have the freedom to choose to not believe them and to discard them, no human being has the ability to negate or to alter them.

I believe that God’s Word is the foundation of that absolute truth and that, if I want to follow Him, I must be willing to believe what He says about a particular topic and to obey His commands.  As a logical and analytical person, I must, therefore, choose to believe what the full counsel of Scripture says regarding an issue instead of applying the justification or rationalization that I, or anyone else, may, at times, wish to apply to a particular situation.

I am an extremely logical and highly analytical person, almost to a fault.  I tend to analyze major decisions (and some minor ones) from every possible angle prior to making them, to the point of even annoying myself and, sometimes, even those around me. That’s why deciding whom to marry was such a major, MAJOR decision for me. I believe that — barring the death of my spouse or one of two Biblical exemptions permitted for divorce — I would have only one chance to make what I believe to be the second most important decision that I would ever make in life. I did not want to get it wrong, and, because of that I sought God’s will intensely about this, and I did not want to move forward and into marriage without knowing I was in His will.

Early on in my walk with God, my obedience was based primarily on a “because He said so” philosophy.  However, now that I have begun my fifth decade in life and have had the opportunity to have been in relationship with God and to follow Him as an adult for 30 years, I have come to understand so much more regarding why His commands are as they are and that He only wants what is best for His children. His logic is my logic now, and that is why even when I consider some of the more practical factors involved, I personally do not think sex outside of a marriage relationship or living together prior to marriage are wise endeavors. Because of that, I was a 47 year old virgin at the time of my wedding.

Of course, I completely understand that the majority of bees do not share these views and why, apart from this Biblically-based belief system and world view, this perspective may not make much, if any, sense to them.

Post # 82
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I could never imagine marrying someone who I didn’t live with first, but I also could never imagine marrying someone who I didn’t have sex with first. I think it’s doing a complete disservice to my happiness, the mentality of no sex before marriage is idiotic.. you’d rather spend all that time and money to find out you’re sexually incompatible? Not to mention, living with someone is how you truly get to know them.

Post # 83
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@barbie86:  If you’re going to sleep together six nights a week, why even pretend? I can see why you think you learned so much… because you cohabitated… while renting another place. My perspective on this is… See how much you learned by living together? (If 6/7 nights together is not living together, how do you define it?)

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