(Closed) Not looking forward to a wedding, need advice

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@realtreegal:  I can sort of relate. I too don’t have my father to walk me down the aisle (have never had him in my life.) so I will be having one of my uncles, if not both do it ๐Ÿ™‚ I also only have about 5 friends! and the other 30 or so people going are on my FI’s side of the fam and friends lol. My family isn’t really that involved in my wedding plans either when I bring anything up about my wedding, they act like they’re not interested. and my grandmother (who is pretty much like my mother) has told me a few times she wasn’t really into going. Which DEFINITELY hurt my feelings when she said it. I have no idea why she would say it, but she has. The only reason I can think of is that I’m the FIRST person out of my mom and my uncles, to get married. Even my grandmother had a shotgun courthouse wedding. So she’s always telling me “I didn’t have to deal with this crap for my wedding so I have no idea.” I feel like it stems from some jealousy or something since I’m the first to have a real wedding. She also tells me weddings are like funerals. Thanks grandma. Anyways, finally I stopped letting it hurt my feelings and told them all one day “well I don’t really care who goes. If Fiance is there, then I’m happy and NOTHING is going to ruin that.” Since I stood my ground a little they’ve been involved a little more. And I know they will go. They already stated they won’t be sticking around for my reception though and have already complained about the time I’m getting married. But whatever. DON’T LET ANYONE DRAG YOU DOWN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! If they don’t show, they don’t show. They have to live with it, you don’t. And btw, my Maid/Matron of Honor will be my FI’s sister. It will all work out ๐Ÿ™‚ keep your head up!!

Post # 5
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If I wasn’t excited about my wedding I would most certainly elope. At the end of the day it is about you and your Fiance and you both should be happy and excited about it.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow, this kind of makes me feel better too. I have a lot of friends who have let me down over the years, and I feel weird about not inviting them because they still act like we’re friends, but really I don’t think I want them to be there, so I really only have a few friends coming too. I guess only having a few friends is pretty normal! 

I’m really sorry your families are not into weddings. @realtreegal , if your parents aren’t going to be there, maybe there is a family member who you can honor with duties that are typically for parents, such as walking you down the aisle, etc. I know that can’t fill your parents shoes but maybe it could help you to have a great day. 

Post # 7
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Let me get this straight: You’re not asking her to pay, and you’re not asking her to help plan.

She won’t even SHOW UP?! WTF?

If she’s handicapped or bedridden, that’s one thing, but if not, I’d be tempted to make a similar vow about Christmas, Thanksgiving and Mother’s Day. That’s just not right.

I don’t know too much about Arizona, but I know there are some beautiful places to get married in Santa Fe if you do decide to elope.

Post # 8
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t really understand why she just won’t go? That’s really odd.

Sorry you have to deal with this, you never know, maybe your friends who are out of state will be able to make it…it is a year away! 

Post # 9
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ok, before everyone goes crazy on OP’s mother, take a step back.  She made the statement years ago, and it may have been made out of frustration – as in after dealing with a crazy stressful wedding situation, “I’m never going to go to my kid’s wedding again!”. 

Ask her about it, unless you have a bad/strained relationship with her, which doesn’t really seem to be the case.  I’m willing to bet she doesn’t even remember making that comment.  Think about it, how many stupid comments have you made years ago that you still remember? 

Talk to your fiance and see what he wants.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with a courthouse ceremony and a reception at home, or at a restaurant if you want to keep things low key.  But don’t cheat yourself out of a wedding that you DO want.

Post # 10
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am in a somewhat similar sitch…although my mom on the flip side is excited about coming and this is my second marriage (first wedding, never had one first time it was JOP)

 

I do have siblings though that are choosing not to come…I have been given reasons why but I firmly believe it has more to do with them not agreeing with it (as I have been told they have flat out said this) versus the reason I was given.

 

With this in mind my advice is, HAVE your day,…I know its your mom, but honestly if she chooses to miss out thats her loss, and shame on her. Its one day, whats the big deal? and its a very important day regardless of this being your first time around or not.

 

Focus on what the days means to you and Fiance, nothing else truly matters.

 

FTR…wedding planning stinks, I personally wish we had gone to Vegas lol we coul dhave had a great time with the $ we have spent ot have it here at home, but I wanted my kids there so thats why we made that choice.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

@realtreegal:  I am another one in a somewhat similar situation as you. I had a few close relatives who were supposed to be close to me complain about the inconvenience of my wedding and I grew apart from my friends and didn’t have many people to invite. Have you considered doing a fancy elopement? You can still have a dress, bouquet, champagne and a photographer, just for the two of you. This is what we’re doing and it does still make me upset sometimes that I’m missing out on the big wedding experience but it really is the next best thing and the upside is that you don’t need to worry about anyone but yourselves, it can let you have all of the little extras that you otherwise thought you couldnt afford. Good luck, hope everything works out for you and welcome to the hive ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@realtreegal:  Ask your groom to be to wear some jewellery of his – cufflinks, a watch, a tie clip or pin, perhaps?  My grandfather won’t be there, but I will be wearing his cufflinks, and I might lend three other pairs of them to my best man and ushers to wear for the ceremony.

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had a really hard time accepting that that many people wouldn’t show up to my wedding. I had to force myself to have the mentality “it is going to be a beautiful and special day no matter who attends”. The people that show up are the people that were meant to be there, who want to honor and celebrate your love. It will be amazing no matter what.

Post # 16
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You don’t have to have a wedding to get married. And you can always have a destination wedding with a few close people if anybody at all where you can go straight to the honeymoon. Or you could just go to the courthouse.

My situation is the opposite. I don’t want to get married at all (but because I love my fiance, and that’s what he wants), but if I’m going to get married then I want a wedding. It’s the only time people will pay attention to me! (I love attention, and noone has ever paid any attention to me). And to me marriage is about making a relationship official to the family and everyone else and to the government. If it’s just about the couple, I don’t see the purpose of getting married, but anyways….

 

I say if you don’t want a wedding, then don’t have one. Noone says you have to have a wedding just because you want to be legally married. Or have a small ceremony in some awesome destination.

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