(Closed) Not loved but love him too much to leave

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll:
  • Post # 16
    Member
    5891 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You can love him, but you have to love yourself more. There was a man in my 20s that I loved dearly but we were not good for each other. After 2 years of on-off crazy stuff I had to walk away. But I still loved him. Probably did for another 7 years or so. It hurt my heart, but my head told me I deserved better. 

    Now I thank God everyday that things didn’t work out with him. Darling Husband is a 1,000 times better and I love him 1,000 times more.

    Post # 18
    Member
    865 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I am so sorry you are suffering like this! As terrible as it might be to face a life without him, you can’t live like this; if he is unwilling to go to therapy or counseling and really and truly does not want to try to make it work, you need to begin trying to emotionally and physically prepare yourself for a separation. As other Bees have suggested, make sure your finances are separate, find a safe place to go, and lean on family and friends for support. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    11109 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Oh, honey.  I feel so badly for you.  The Bees have given you very sound advice.  Please take care of yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually & financially.  Don’t let this guy keep using you.  It’s keeping you from healing.

    It’s time to let go now, sweetie.  As much as it hurts, the pain is temporary.

    Gentle cyber hugs coming your way.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My heart is absolutely breaking for you. This sounds miserable and comparable to torture. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any advice, but a big internet HUG!!!!!

    Post # 22
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee

    He’s left you for someone else and he’s already moved his important papers and laptop there. Get a lawyer, don’t take him back, don’t sleep with him. Start taking better care of yourself and seek support from your friends and family. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee

    I totally understand. I’m so sorry, lots of hugs!

    Post # 24
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee

    To summarize: 1) he told you he wants a divorce via *text msg* 2) he flat out tells you he doesn’t love you 3) leaves for days w/ no contact, in total disregard for your feelings 4) already has divorce papers drawn up and 5) he’s still trying to have sex with you.  And you still love him.  Wow.  The guy is clearly a douche who’s cheating on you.  Before you sign anything, you should be running to a good divorce attorney of your own.  Personally, I’d be looking for proof that he’s cheating.  How convenient that he “lost” his laptop!  I’d be suing that guy for everything he has and then some.  Do yourself a favor and pull all of the money out of any joint financial accounts you have, close them, and move on.  Then you can return the favor by ignoring his frantic calls about where his money is.  

    Post # 25
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

    I’ll give you the same advice I’ve given many women here. I left my ex fiancé after 7 years. We were not married but we shared finances and a mortgage. I held on for wayyyyy too long because “I still love him.” I left because I realized a few things.  1) love is not enough to keep a relationship together. What about mutual respect and admiration? And 2) I would have rather spent the rest of my live alone than one more day with someone whom treated me like he did. 

    Get up, get a plan, and stay strong. Good luck. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee

    “His name, I’ve loved you for so long, and I don’t even know how I’ll ever live without you, but you’ve told me several times that you don’t love me anymore. If that’s true, then I think it’s time we end this; not just for your sake, but for mine. 

    I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me, no matter how much I love him. And I don’t want to hold either of us back from finding someone who will truly love us and we can love, the way each of us deserves. 

    I don’t know how to do this, because I never thought this day would come, but if it’s true that you don’t love me…I think it’s time we both go our separate ways. If you loved me, I would know it. I would know it by the things you do, and the things you say, and lately, all I feel is you pushing me away. Is that really what you want?” 

    Or something like that. I’m so sorry, but it really isn’t fair to either of you to try to keep this relationship going. Someday, someone will love you completely, and you will realize how little this man gave to you. (and you’ll be thankful for it!) 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Clear out the accounts, if there is anything left.  That will bring him running.

    Post # 29
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee

    heartbrokebee:  Some tough love here……STOP TRYING! You just admitted to BEGGING him to stay. You’re not a dog. Never beg someone to love you. If it doesn’t come freely it isn’t worthy having. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have asked for a divorce! If he loved you, he’d show it and say it. If he valued you, you’d know. If he respected you, you wouldn’t question it. I know that seems so harsh, but I’m trying shake you back into reality.

    You say, “I know. I know I should walk away and never look back, but…” You already know what you SHOULD do, but if you’re going to do what you want anyway even if it’s wrong and even if it will continue to hurt you, why bother asking for advice? You’re the only one who can walk away. We can’t take your pain away for you. We’ve given you advice, but it’s not what you want to hear, so you’re ignoring all these bees who want the best for you.

    These are your options:

    Stay and continue to get hurt OR leave and gain back some self respect and confidence and get a fresh start!

    If you stay, just know that YOU’RE choosing and accepting a life filled with pain. Do you want that? I know it’s hard. Get some courage and tell yourself you DESERVE better and you won’t accept anything less than a relationship filled with love and respect. You can have that, but that means leaving this jerk face behind. There’s more to life than being this miserable, but you have to believe you’re worthy of being happy first.

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