Not loving my ring

posted 4 days ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

weddingbee0711 :  I realize a regular reset might feel out of the question but maybe you could reset down the road for more finger coverage – like add stones for children if you plan to have them once your family is complete and make it a three stone ring (a stone for you, one for him, and a larger center representing the children). I think if you looked at the reset as a chance to add to the family heirloom nature of the ring people could all get behind it. 

Alternativey a blingy wedding band is a good compromise. I honestly think it’s a lovely ring and I love it’s history as a part of his family – amazing to think it’s been in his family all this time just waiting for him to find you! Not many people can say that about the rings they receive!

Post # 17
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Do a google image search for enhancer bands, I think your ring would look amazing with a pair of vintage style enhancers. 

And when you mention it to your fiance, come from the angle of “I absolutely ADORE my ring! I think a little extra bling would REALLY set it off perfectly!” 

I really love your ring by the way, I have a very similar one but mine’s .30 C so an little smaller. 

Post # 18
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

It’s so hard not to compare to those around you. It doesn’t mean you’re being petty because this (very lovely) heirloom ring might not be exactly what you wanted. Or what you wanted at all! If you have the chance, step back and consider what your thoughts may be if you’d never seen anyone else’s ring. Would you love the sight of yours then? Does the meaning make it more beautiful in your eyes? If so, lean in these facts if/when you’re second guessing things!

Post # 19
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You could do a fancy ring wrap, it will add a lot of sparkle! You could also add a halo or have it set in a different setting with more stones…if you don’t love any of those options then I would be honest, you have to wear it every day, and you don’t want to resent your engagement ring that’s just bad juju! 

If you don’t decide to wear it as an engagement ring you could always have it set into a pendent 

Post # 20
Member
3486 posts
Sugar bee

As someone who has been married 33 years and as someone giving my son and daughter in law a diamond ring to be used for engagement, here are my thoughts.

Don’t buy a blingy wedding ring. Spending money on something you dont really want in the first place is wasting money 

Dont halo it. Again, it’s not what you really want.

BE HONEST WITH YOUR FIANCE

Stop thinking about who will think you’re materialistic. Stop worrying about hurting feelings. 

The family should have checked with you to see if you were amenable to the ring. You were the one who was going to wear it. I did with my son and DIL because I am a direct person and I didnt because I didn’t want her to be disappointed and afraid to say something.i didnt want her to be unhappy because I care about her. What I dont have is the attitude that you have to be elated with the ring just because I’m giving it to you.  Yes, your ring is small. That’s fine for some but not so fine with others. You’re one of the others.

It’s a shame you didnt talk about this with your fiance prior to the proposal. Most women who love their rings had some input in the process. From here on out, most decisions where you are feel good about the outcome will be made as as a couple – together – with input from each of you. 

That’s the way a marriage works, not by stuffing your feelings and pretending they dont exist.

/rant

Post # 21
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Honestly I’d do a bling band that you adore!

Look at Ring concierge Instagram! They have some amazing stacks!! My E ring has to much bling to do a bling band and I’m kind of sad about it! And there’s the cost issue haha 

Post # 22
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

You could always get a moissanite solitaire so swap in an out and wear in the evening but keep the heirloom for day to day? 

You could always add a halo, I don’t really think the family but it depends how you think the family would take that.  

Post # 23
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your disappointment is quite understandable after all it is YOU who will be wearing this ring for the rest of your life, essentially. If they did not bother asking you if you would be okay with an heirloom ring then I don’t see why they would feel offended if you choose to upgrade the ring to something you like more. Communication with your FH should be the first step in this situation. While I agree that adding a blingy wedding band might make it better for you, it still might not satisfy you completely because you would still have to look at your e-ring everyday and soon resentment might build up inside of you. I hope you and your FH could come to an understanding and compromise so you can enjoy your engagement fully. 

Post # 24
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - Inman, SC

 

weddingbee0711 :   I think your ring is beautiful. I too have an heirloom ring, which is nothing over the top, but has so much history behind it which makes it that much more special! (My great grandmother’s ring from Ireland). While I always dreamed of a giant whopper of a diamond, I love my ring. I went with FH to pick out bands, and it adds just enough sparkle and elegance to complement the engagement ring. We chose to use the heirloom ring to save on cost, and FH had it ripped in silver as I dont wear jewelery and had the prongs repaired. We had more $ to spend on bands that we both love. Also, people often upgrade rings after several years of marriage. Both of my sister in laws upgraded after 10 years. My mom didnt get any diamonds until their 25th anni because they couldnt afford until then. I think its wonderful to have an heirloom ring in the family. Find out more of the history of the ring, and you can tell people about it while showing off! 

Post # 25
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You don’t have to wear it once you have the wedding band, put it away because it is a family heirloom and you don’t want anything to happen to it. I mean, yellow gold can be delicate and if if you get a platinum band you don’t want it to cause wear to the gold, right? Pull it out for special occasions, like family events.

But also note that if the size of your diamond matters this much you might neeed to re-evaluate this whole getting marrried thing.

Post # 26
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

Did your fiance discuss this heirloom ring with you before you got engaged? Or did you have no say in the matter? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a ring you like and will love wearing. If you’re not happy with it and want to choose your own discuss it with him. Don’t be made  feel guilty or ungrateful because it’s a family ring. 

 

Post # 27
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

You can have an amazing enhancer band made for it! Something like this! 

Post # 28
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Maybe for the wedding, you could get two bands: something sort of dainty to go with the engagement ring, and then a big/blingy band. You could wear the blingy band alone most days, and break out the engagement ring/daintier band for dates/special occasions, with the excuse of “it’s an heirloom, I want it to last for generations to come”? 

Post # 29
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’d also go down the ‘buy an enhancer wrap/blingy wedding ring’ if you want more bling. I love a ring with a history, and I also think it’s a really nice symbol of your ILs embracing you into the family. 

(Although, I’m a UK bee where most rings are the size of yours).

Post # 30
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I’ve been engaged coming up 2 years and I still think about my ring everyday, even still have people talking about it when they see it.  My partner let me pick mine out myself as he said ‘It’s important you love it because its going to be on your finger for the rest of your life’  

 

I don’t think that you should put others before yourself on this one.  Even Meghan Markle got her engagement ring changed and that was specially designed for her using Diana’s diamond. 

Talk to your fiance,  I see nothing wrong with using the stone to upgrade/ design another ring incorperating the orginal.  Hey, it might even be a nice tradition to start if you have kids and choose to pass your ring down that it has a little bit of each generation in it?   If you aren’t happy, I don’t think it’s something you have to learn to live with. 

 

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