(Closed) Not Moving In Together

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That really sucks. We didn’t *really* live together, but mostly because we were in different states.

I never really got the whole not living together thing if you literally shack up all the time, save for some bills and logistics. You’re more than halfway in the water at that point =P

Have you asked him why he doesn’t want to move in? Surely there is a reason. The women I know all have one!

PS, to this: We both feel very ready to get married except no one close to us is getting married or is already married. I say, “who cares?!??!” haha.

Post # 4
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We don’t live together but that is for religious reasons. He’ll be moving into my place when we get married. It gives us more reason to look forward to the wedding 😉 It isn’t just another day for us.

Post # 5
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We don’t live together, and I agree it is hard.  I just keep thinking about how ready I am to be married and stop all this back and forth between places, scheduling time to spend together, figuring out who is picking up who, etc.  It just gets harder and harder to leave each time we see each other.  But that said, I don’t regret our decision not to live together.  Neither one of us lived with someone before and we really wanted marriage and setting up house together to be the same thing.  I guess we’re traditional in that way.

I think it’s different for every couple.  If he doesn’t want to live together, he must have a reason.  You want moving in together to be a happy occasion, no matter when it happens.  So if there’s something holding him back, even if it’s just that he doesn’t feel ready, then the two of you need to figure out how to address that.  Sorry that you’re stuck dealing with this… I know how frustrating it can be.

Post # 6
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We don’t live together — we’re both students, and for financial reasons we’re both living with our parents. It sucks, but we’ll be in more of a position to be able to afford a decent place when we do move out.

Post # 8
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Mine lived at home hand his reasoning for not wanting to move in with me for the first 2 1/2 years was “why pay rent when I can live home for free?” I had roommate troubles and told him that I refused to live with another roomate when that lease was up, but was upset that I probably couldn’t afford to live on my own. (Not quite an ultimatum because he wanted to live with me, just didn’t want to spend the $$) The compromise is that his parents let us move into an apt in their house after we agreed to fix it up ourselves.


(edited my post because I didn’t see that you responded with his reasons… duh!!)

Post # 9
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Hi Miss Buffalo! I am sorry this is frustrating you. I hope that perhaps my situation can make you feel a bit better.

My Fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years. We dated for 3 years and 9 months before we got engaged, and we will have been together for 6 years by the time we are married. We are not living together until we’re married for personal, moral and religious reasons.

Just because we don’t live together doesn’t mean we don’t have a hugely committed relationship. This choice is right for us.

That said, I’m not suggesting that my choice is right for all. But I don’t want you to feel like you guys can’t be serious and committed without living together, because that just isn’t true.

Good luck, and welcome to WB!

Post # 10
38 posts

That sucks… I was ready to move in before my boyfriend was too.

We both went to university in a different city from where our parents lived, so we “lived” together there even though we had two separate apartments. Since we graduated, we are both living at home with our parents in the same city, living for free and saving money for a house. We are actually going house shopping this spring! But I’m close to going nuts living with our parents right now…

At least you have your own place and you spend every night together anyway – that’s what I miss most about school!

Oh and we’re not engaged yet… sometime this year apparently. 🙂

Post # 11
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nope…I didnt.  We are due to get married in June, have been together for over 4 years and have not lived with each other.   I made the mistake of doing it before ( not that I hold it against anyone else because plenty of my friends have) and I told myself that I would not live with another man before he commited ever again.  This time, it worked.

Post # 12
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I moved in with Fiance after we had been together for just over a year, and he proposed a year later.  He was very nervous about us moving in together (even though we spent almost every night at each other’s places).  I think the issue was that when we were at each other’s houses, we were there to hang out, to spend time together.  Whereas when we were apart, we got to sit around in sweats, be lazy, and not have to talk to anyone.  He was worried that when we moved in, ALL our time would be together time, and he’d never get to just sit around in his boxers not talking.  It took some open conversations and compromises, but he finally got on board with living together, and it was so great for our relationship.  It’s easy to be at 100% when you’re having a date or he’s staying over, but we had to learn to compromise and be understanding even when we didn’t feel like hanging out.

In your situation, @MissBuffalo, it’s different because there are moral and religious reasons to not move in together.  Although my Fiance thought his parents would freak, and they turned out to be supportive, so he might consider talking to them.  I would talk to your SO about his reasons and make sure it’s not related to any of the concerns my Fiance had.  I think living together brought us so much closer, and we wouldn’t be getting married as soon if we hadn’t realized we both could and wanted to be so involved in each other’s lives.  Good luck with whatever happens.

Post # 13
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We didn’t live together before we got married. Towards the latter part of our courtship stayed over at each others places 90% of the time! But after he proposed he STILL didn’t want to move in until we were officially married. His lease was up before our wedding so he rented an new apartment for 4 months. He never unpacked and I think he slept there maybe one or two times during our engagement (we only had a 6 mo engagement). I thought it was a waste of money but he wanted to respect his parents. It all seemed silly.

Hang in there!


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