- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’m incredibly frustrated and annoyed at the moment, my cousin who is my bridesmaid is getting married this May. Her older brother is gay and supposed to be a groomsman in their wedding. His mother chooses not to speak to him, and he has somewhat of a strain relationship with some of our family, other family members ignore my aunt and included him and his partner in our celebrations and houses.
She used to threaten not showing up if her son was invited to something, and eventually some of us stop letting her us hostage. When my cousin got pregnant and didn’t marry her Fi right away, her parents did the same thing they did my cousin and stop talking to her for her whole pregnancy, and most of the first year of her child’s life. Her brother helped her and her Fi out financially, while she finished college. His partner, who works from home, babysat and watched the baby while she went back to school. Eventually my aunt starting coming around, when they decided to baptise the baby she was going to make the partner godfather because all of the time, effort, and money he spent on the baby he loves that little girl so much. Well in order to appease her mother she ended up going back on that, and their relationship was strained but her brother and partner stayed involved in their lives.
We went for dress fittings today and a few other things for the wedding. After we went to dinner with her parents, and another Uncle, her mother brought up the fact that in order to be respectful to the church she doesn’t think her son should stand up at the altar. Seriously I was pissed off. We are well aware of the Catholic Church’s stance on gays, however unless he plans on having sex with his partner at the altar during the ceremony I don’t see what the issue is! My aunt is always rambling on about his lifestyle, umm lets see he put himself through college on his own, has a successful career, is in a loving committed relationship, owns his own home, wtf is she talking about?
I didn’t say anything to my cousin but she didn’t stick up to her mother, and I’m disappointed my Uncle didn’t say anything to his wife. Since he had issues with this health it’s been an open secret that he sees his son, and even goes to their house occasionally. I of coursed opened my big mouth and admonished my aunt and my other uncle who is good natured and I love him despite his homophobia and racism(they are Irish, my mom is half, but we are black) he used to make jokes about us and our dad all the time, he stopped eventually I think because we stood up for ourselves.
I know he loves me, and even my cousin, but he makes inappropriate jokes and comments to my cousin’s face, insinuating that he isn’t a real man the typical rude gender norm bullshit. I’m realizing more and more this is becoming an issue, and I blurted out that perhaps I wouldn’t be inviting them to my wedding for their views and I stormed off. My mom who my relationship is strained with at the moment called me on my way home quite upset that I wasn’t going to invite her family to the wedding and then told me “your not the only one who can issue ultimatums” then ordered me to call and apologize to them and hung up the phone before I could even respond! I have a lot of gay friends, and including my cousin and their spouses I’m going to have about 15 at my wedding, and I’m picturing my uncles getting drunk like they always do, and while they don’t become physically unruly their tongues tend to get looser, I don’t want someone getting harassed because they kissed their wife ,husband, or partner, or if they dance with them. I honestly don’t know if my family will keep their comments to themselves or just my cousin because he is family. I didn’t mean it when I said it, but I’m seriously considering following through on my threat. What do you guys think, should I disinvite those members of my family and some who weren’t even part of the argument? Should I warn them about their behavior?
I’m also at a loss about what to say to both of my cousins, while I know he wants to keep the peace with the family I would like it if for once my cousin stood up for himself and threw the gauntlet down, as I know a some of the cousins and family would back him. I’m also disgusted with his sister and Dad who didn’t utter a peep, and continues to tip toe around my aunt and tolerate her mistreatment of my cousin. I know she is stressed and trying to pull it together for the last few months of her wedding, but after all her brother’s done for her I feel she owes him some amount of loyalty! I just talked to my one of my friends and she told while she admires my position she has the same kind of relationship with her family and sometimes she has to pick her battles, which is what she thinks my cousin(male one) is doing, and I would make his position in the family worse since it’s already strained and fragile. What you guys think? The wedding is over a year away at this moment, but I’m really thinking about sticking to my positions!
Ps: Their childhood parish closed down, but she is getting married by the priest who baptized both her and her brother, did their first communions, and even confirmed her brother! She told me he asked how her brother was, and said he was excited to see him, so even he doesn’t have an issue with it!