(Closed) Not part of the family

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@IslandGirl6:  Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you consider yourself family, they have to consider you family. While I hope the brother comes around and accepts you as such without a marriage, if he defines family as married your definition will not change how he views you.

Post # 18
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@subtlebee:  Yes it does.  You made the statement that she’s not family because she’s not the sister-in-law.  That is a legal distinction.  So by that logic, anyone who cannot marry their partners are also not family, simply due to the legal standings of their unions.  This is the same kind of crap gay people go through every day — their partnerships “aren’t real” because they don’t have the force of law.  Their family structures “aren’t real” because their unions are ones of sentiment and choice, rather than tax breaks and religious designations.  So your blanket statement that the OP isn’t family because she isn’t married carries the weight of all that societal discrimination behind it.  

I stand by exactly what I said: family is made by choices.  Biology doesn’t make a parent any more than law makes a family member.  The brother in the OP’s situation doesn’t recognise his brother’s chosen family.  That’s his problem.  He’s not “right” simply because the OP and her SO haven’t gotten a piece of paper to say they’re legally married.  

Post # 19
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

seriously you’re going to have to “deal” with him for the rest of your life… pick your battles ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 20
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@mistress_anne:  The law allows her to be married. Her SO does not want to be married (or does but hasn’t asked). It is NOT the same thing. Or even similar.

Gay couples who want to marry CANNOT legally do it. I am rarely offended but equating the two really gets me close.

Post # 21
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t be upset that he doesn’t consider you family, because technically you’e not. But I would be upset that he prefers it that way, that he would prefer to exclude you.

Post # 23
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
@IslandGirl6:  your last statement that the brother’s wife doesn’t get along with your SO’s parents makes sense now. He’s jealous that you are considered family by his parents when his own wife is not looked at as favorably as you. It’s definitely just jealously so I would completely ignore it. well….I would probably struggle to not be a smart ass bitch back but…

Post # 24
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

View original reply
@IslandGirl6:  and to be honest that was more of a… ZING! than a battle.  You’re a smart woman … you can ZING! right back ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 25
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I can understand how it may have been hurtful to be on the receiving end of a comment like that. I can see how it may have felt personal and deeply insulting. It must have felt like he was happy to exclude you and not wanting you to join the family.

But from an outsider’s perspective, it seems that it may not have been meant to be a personal insult. It likely had nothing to do with you really. Married or not, you are an outsider to his family in some way. Even in the best of circumstances, no matter how much he may like you as an added addition to the family, you are still an addition. I can understand that nostalgic longing to have just the family you grew up with at a family function. Those are the people you grew up with, they are the people who you made so many cherished and lifelong memories with, they are the people who all your life you called your family. As you get older and as new families begin to be created within this family of origin, it can be hard to say goodbye to this old dynamic. And it may be difficult to welcome new people in, no matter how much you like these new people or how wonderful you think they are.

I am not sure that this is the case. Maybe your Future Brother-In-Law is just an ass and jealous of your happy relationship with your SO. But I am just saying that it may not be in any way personal against you, and maybe you shouldn’t take it as personally as you seem to be taking it. 

The topic ‘Not part of the family’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors