- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I think it is fine. I am not really looking at it as a rehearsal dinner. It seem more like a group of people getting together to eat and v=be merry after some hard work. Whats wrong with that?
I totally feel ya- we are way over budget for our wedding way it is, and we are not heavy on tradition. There are some things we had to spend money on that we didn’t plan to- that SIGNIFICANTLY added to our bill, but there was literally no way to avoid it.
We are currently figuring out what we are going to do.
If I were you, I would make up little invite that’s playful and fun- and just explains that after rehearsal, whoever wants to come to XXX after rehearsal, we’d love your company and we’re going dutch…..I’m sure there’s a better way to word that, but it can be done well. The people who come will want to be there- and if people aren’t going to come because they aren’t getting a free meal- well then do you really want them there?
It’s just rehearsal dinner.
We’ve contemplated not having one- we can use the venue the night before for a rehearsal, but I think everything is going to be pretty straighforward, we could likely draw up picture and talk with our group. What I was more concerned about was- the rehearsal dinner the night before turning into a long social hour, and then friends staying up/out late and me being a wreck for our wedding lol-
Rehearsal dinners where I’m from aren’t really a thing though, it’s more just to feed everyone who helps to decorate or set up.
@MeadowsBee: Personally I would find it rude to attend a rehearsal dinner only to be expected to pay my own meal. My Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding and while we don’t have much money, we wouldn’t imagine asking our guests to pay for their dinner. Pick a place that’s affordable.
Also, if it is a dinner following a rehersal then it is a rehersal dinner. Calling it something different is not going to change that.
In my little tacky corner of the world most people pay for themselves at the rehearsal. Usually it’s just inviting people to dinner and going over day of coordination. If your too worried about it you can always word it like that. Instead of “we invite you to the rehersal dinner of mr and mrs…” you can ask everyone ” hey we are going out to dinner with everyone, we can talk about whats gonna happen day of… you in?” I can imagine anyone being too overly offended
I do think you should find a way to pay for those helpers and Bridal Party. Even if it is cake and punch over a non meal time you should host your guests.
Having a dinner in the evening after a rehearsal, calling it anything other than a rehearsal dinner, and positioning yourselves as the hosts by issuing invitations (whether written or by word of mouth) is the same as having a dinner after a wedding ceremony, issuing invitations and then doing a collection to finance the meal.
If you invite people to dinner, especially the wedding party and those who are helping to decorate, you pick up the tab. If you can’t afford a restauarant you find an alternative you can afford.
A rose by any other name is still a rose. A rehearsal dinner by any other name is still a rehearsal dinner.
The issue with all this is that you may technically be giving them an out if they don’t want to go or pay for your choice, but I’ll bet that at least one of the bridal party would feel as if they had no real choice but to go along. The threat of facing scorn/judgement/etc. for not coming along will probably be strong enough to compel everyone to go with the flow, even if they rather wouldn’t.
If I were in your bridal party, I would feel a little bit of resentment over something like this. It probably wouldn’t have any lasting effect on the friendship, but it would always be in the back of my mind. To me it would signal that you wanted to “honor” me by giving me the tremendous obligation that comes along with being a member of the bridal party without meeting your own obligation to reciprocate the work I’ve done by accepting your honor.
The topic ‘Not paying for rehersal dinner??’ is closed to new replies.