(Closed) Not paying for rehersal dinner??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think if that’s how you want to host it that’s totally fine.  I know everyone is different, and it’s not exactly what I would do, but I think maybe if you don’t call it a rehearsal dinner and just tell your family or have a little note waiting for your Out of Town guests in their room telling them – “this is where we’ll be tonight between 5-8, please feel free to drop in for dinner or drink”.  I will say, I was in a wedding party last year and there was no formal rehearsal dinner planned – rehearsal was at 4pm, lasted about an hour and 30mins or so, we were staying with the bride all night and there WAS NO FOOD.  I didn’t have a car, so then just sorta off the cuff the wedding party decides we should grab a bite to eat at a restaurant, and was a little miffed that I had to pay for my dinner.  I would have rather of just gone home and eaten, but was just forced into this really awkward situation.  Not sure if it’s a budget thing, but what I would think of doing is hosting the wedding party, parents/inlaws for a dinner (anything from pizza and wings to a plated meal), and then having Out of Town, close family and friends join up at a pub close by and stop in for a few drinks and hellos.  Everyone at the pub should know it’s not catered and won’t feel pressured as it’s a totally optional event, just to get out, socialize and see the Bride and Groom to be.  I think either route you go would be totally fine, and don’t think you’ll offend too many people … you know your crowd and family best!


Post # 63
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

View original reply
@Autumnsnow:  I agree!

Post # 64
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So much bad advice on here. You should host your wedding party for the rehearsal dinner. Bottom line. Stop saying that you aren’t “traditional”. That doesn’t give you an excuse to be rude. Do you know WHY rehearsal dinners even exist? To thank the people who have helped you with the wedding. That is mostly in reference to the Wedding Party. But can also include family. Dont worry about going to a place with a beautiful fireplace, instead worry about properly thanking those who have gone out of their way to support you during this process. And if thatinvolves serving deli sandwiches, so be it. 

Post # 65
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree.  If the bride is so non-traditional, maybe she doesnt need a rehearsal.   Most people will know who to follow. 

Post # 66
29 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ugh. I know this is tough because weddings are expensive. But my gut says do what you can afford. If you can only afford to do a pizza party with your wedding party, then that’s what you do. There’s a few different pizza chains that will only charge $5 or so per pizza if you order two or three of them. You could probably do the whole thing for about $40, honestly.

I know there’s pressure out there to have an expensive, three-course meal for every wedding event, but that’s not reality. And I’m not sure it’s fair to expect your wedding party to pay for their own dinners if they’re from Out of Town. Keep in mind they’re probably already eating out at least twice, probably more, if they’re arriving immediately before your wedding and leaving immediately after. Not to mention gas costs, hotel fees, etc.

No matter what you decide, good luck!

Post # 67
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why cant you host the wedding party and parents at 7 for cocktails and apps (apps and maybe a few bottles of wine are paid for by you) give out the bridal party gifts make a couple of speeches and then open the invite up for others to join you for a “pre wedding cocktail” at 830?  The times are just examples. 

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