- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
I know there have been a few threads about deciding whether to have a full Mass if you’re marrying a non-Catholic, and my apologies if this post is sort of repetitive, but I need some advice. My fiance is Protestant (Unitarian) and I’m Catholic, but we are getting married in a Catholic church next year.
Our priest will not do a full Mass since we are an interfaith couple (which I agree with, since it highlights our differences rather than unites us), and has told us that the diocese will not allow it. We are both fine with that, and my fiance has even considered inviting his Unitarian minister to co-officiate. Most of our guests are not Catholic, too, so not many of them will be able to take communion anyway.
The thing is, my super-Catholic mom is fully expecting the whole shebang–full Mass, communion music, even a unity candle–but I haven’t told her about our arrangements with our priest. I sort of brought it up obliquely, and she reacted so negatively at the thought of not having a nuptial Mass that it makes me really scared to tell her what our arrangements are.
I’ve brought it up with my fiance and he says he understands, but he doesn’t want to do the full Mass, since he and his family wouldn’t feel very comfortable with it. I think it’s only fair, since he agreed to get married in the Church in the first place.
I can already tell that my mom will be VERY upset about this and will probably consider our marriage invalid if we don’t have a Mass. She’ll probably try forcing me to get a dispensation to have the Mass, point out that her friends have had children who’ve had the full Mass even though they’ve married non-Catholics, or even boycott the wedding. She can be pretty unreasonable when it comes to matters of religion, and is VERY difficult to reason with. (All you Filipina brides out there with Catholic moms will get my meaning.)
I’m so torn about what to do!! I don’t want to piss her off, but I don’t want to exclude my fiance and his family too. What should I tell her? When? I know this is really our decision as a couple in the end, but how can I be diplomatic about this??
Any advice would help, thank you!