(Closed) Not proposing

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s good that he told you. You won’t be focused on not getting a proposal on the trip and will enjoy your trip.

Post # 17
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

When DH and I were dating, we went on a couples trip with 3 other couples.  I straight up asked him NOT to propose on that trip.  Not because I didn’t want him to, but I’m sensitive to others and I didn’t want this trip which we ALL spent money on to become about just he and I.  He said he had considered that too.

Once that was settled, I enjoyed the trip while not being on edge over whether he had the ring there waiting or not.

To echo other bees, at least you know.

But if he isn’t moving on getting a ring for you and you have ring fever, you guys need to have a serious talk.

Post # 18
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

My husband and I went on a trip (before we were engaged) and I was CONVINCED that that was when he was going to propose. It was the only trip he ever planned entirely himself (I am the planner in our relationship) so I just KNEW he’d be proposing. It was perfect! I was so excited leading up to this trip. I got my hair cut, got my nails done, completely beautified myself! And then the whole trip I felt like I was just watching him so intensely hoping that this was it. 

And you know what? He didn’t propose and I felt crushed. When we got back home I felt so sad and, I’ll admit, I was basically a huge bitch to him for a little while. And he had given me a lovely trip! He had planned out all these great things for us to do that he knew I’d love, but all I could focus on was the proposal. It was so stupid. 

I WISH he had told me before that trip to not expect a proposal. I would’ve enjoyed it so much more!  

Post # 19
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

He probably heard your friends say you might get engaged during the trip and was kind enough not to lead you on. You will be able to enjoy the trip and not build unnecessary resentment towards him.

Take a deep breath and enjoy what you have. You guys are planning to get married in Jan 2019. It’s not like he doesn’t want to marry you. Slow down…

I know it’s hard, but you are focusing too much on a possibly near engagement and building too many expectations – this might not be so good, because you might you lose sight of the most important thing: your relationship

Post # 20
Member
2045 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Sounds like your SO is all about managing expectations. Plus I think you both are viewing this in completely different ways.  You’re hurt because he was being so straightforward (crushing your romantic fantasy) and he was being straightforward to keep you from being hurt and therefore crushing your romantic fantasy.

Just chill and enjoy the vacation bee.

 

Post # 21
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
mrstodd2bee : That’s true. The whole waiting concept I don’t get it. If you want to get married, just ask. He’s not a stranger, he’s your boyfriend. If you don’t have enough confidence with him to do so, maybe you should reconsider getting married altogether becouse in spite you might have a house, a dog, an two kids together, your relationship is not mature enough.

 

Post # 22
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you planned an eleaborate surprise for your projected event? Are you sure you’ve given him enough details so that he knows EXACTLY what you want in your surprise? Have you specified the place, time, and environment that you’re expecting?

Unless you’ve been totally specific about the terms of your surprise proposal it doesn’t seem too fair to impose upon him to move forward on his own. 

Post # 23
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like the engagement isn’t happening on this trip, but does sound to me like one is in your future. Maybe it’s not happening on this trip, but doens’t mean it won’t be wonderful and exciting!

Look at it this way, just because it hasn’t been made official just yet, doesn’t mean you can scope out venues on line. I admit that’s what I was doing about a month before I got engaged. Wasn’t on line since this was before websites were so common place.  I asked around, visited a few places to look,  and just said that I knew someone getting married, and I did. 0:) put us a few steps ahead of the game once we had to make a decision, and I was able to tell engaged friends what I thought of the places I visited.

chin up, things will happen when they are meant to. Have fun on your trip!

Post # 24
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

why don’t you initiate the propesal there are no rules any more that the man needs to be the one to propose, hell my proposal was me looking at my SO and saying hunny we are getting married Sept 22 2018, and he responded with i guess i should go talk to your dad. If you two have been together a while and you know that this is something that is going to happen just do it don’t wait for him.

Post # 25
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
nel30 :  You say people have been expecting him to propose on this trip. Do you think he’s been experiencing the same pressure?! People can be so interfering! I was with my DH six years before we decided to get officially engaged. People made out that I must be desperate for it to happen and every time I returned from a stay away or a ‘romantic’ holiday they would always be checking for a ring on my finger. The truth was that DH floated the idea less than a year in but I told him that I was too young and that I wanted to be at least 25 before getting engaged. I’m just saying, people can be twits wrapped up in their own perceptions and expectations. Your partner may be feeling the pressure. He ‘should be settled down with kids’ by now, right?

Post # 26
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
nel30 :  is he trying to throw you off? My husband did the same thing your BF did before we went on a big trip. The trip we got engaged on. 

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