(Closed) Not Providing Alcohol

posted 4 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Am I right or wrong about this? What action should I take?
    Right : (50 votes)
    32 %
    Wrong : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Stick to your guns : (58 votes)
    37 %
    Hire a much more expensive pay bar : (0 votes)
    provide a case of wine to appease others : (9 votes)
    6 %
    pay for alcohol the usual and expected way : (27 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    First of all, congrats of being sober!! Second of all, I know people typically say it’s only right to provide an open bar for your guests, but in your situation it’s a little different. I think you’re totally in the right to not provide alcohol, considering the past and considering it makes you uncomfortable. Anyone who has a problem is being unreasonable, imho. 

    Post # 3
    619 posts
    Busy bee

    beltacular2008:  Congrats on your sobriety! 5 years is an amazing accomplishment. Keep it up! 

    In in terms of what you will be saying to your guests, assuming they all know you well enough to know you dont drink, I would shorten your schpel to the first paragraph and an invitation to BYO Alcoholic B. They don’t need the nitty gritty details about why or how. Just mention you have a lot of things to celebrate that day, and you can’t wait for them to see what you have in store That day. 

    Good luck bee And double congrats to you!

    Post # 4
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    You are completely right and the people that know and love you should understand your choice! Congrats on 5 years sober, that is Awesome!! I think the fact that you are not telling them they CANT have it is very cool of you. If given a heads up I would be more than willing to BYOB to a reception! We had a open bar of beer and wine, but let people know by word of mouth that if they preferred liquor they could bring some to give to the bar tender. I had no complaints and had a few people do just that.

    Please dont feel obligated to provide alcohol, it is your wedding and your choice. Stick to your guns! =)

    Post # 5
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Brace yourself, because I have a feeling you’re really going to get it from other bees.

    HOWEVER, I personally don’t think an open bar is necessary. You’re doing what’s right for you and your fiance, and I hope your friends can respect that. I think you should keep your explanation simple and short — “While Dan and I no longer partake in alcoholic beverages, please feel free to bring your own if you’d like.” No need to explain why, or that you allocated funds elsewhere. I don’t think you owe anyone that explanation. It’ll just open you up to more drama (like “I’d rather have a free drink than listen to a band,” etc.)

    That said, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to maybe buy a few cases of beer/wine to have on hand– that way you can give your guests a drink or two, and they won’t get totally trashed. 


    Post # 6
    1581 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    beltacular2008:  Go you! Stick to your guns! You’re sober and that’s awesome! If people don’t show up just because you’ve decided you don’t want to be around alcohol, screw them! They don’t need to be there anyway

    Post # 7
    3171 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    beltacular2008:  awesome for you!! Stick to your guns you are totally right and usually I’m a die hard open bar girl! Congrats on staying sober.

    Post # 8
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee

    Can’t you just say the reception is BYOB? I don’t think you need to go into reasons.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  beebee1983.
    Post # 9
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I can’t help you with the etiquette since I’m too much of the mindset that you should do whatever the heck you want, but I just had to say how awesome it is that you’re getting married at Luray! I’m from Virginia so have taken many school field trips and family outings to the caverns. What a beautiful and unique plan!

    Post # 10
    9527 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t think you need that whole post. The part of not getting arrested should be editted, people who indulge know the responsibilites of it. “Forrest Gump” is a bit harsh. A simple BYOB message would get your point across. Those that know you well enough to be invited would understand you not providing alcohol.

    Post # 11
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2016 - Volunteer Park and the Stimson-Green Mansion

    Five years sober is amazing. If I were a guest at your wedding, I’d understand completely and support you 100%. 

    I would rewrite the copy for your site to something like this, just because it’s a little simpler and the current wording sounds a little defensive.

    “As a celebration of our sobriety, we will not be providing alcoholic beverages at the reception. However, you’re welcome to bring your own in a cooler or other sealed container.”

    And I would add any requirements from your venue on the BYOB policy- do they have to come in a cooler, do you have to remove the bottles yourself, anything like that.

    Post # 12
    1241 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    I think it’s totally fine, although I would draft your message to be more straight to the point. No need for 3 paragraphs just to explain that guests may BYOB!

    Post # 13
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee


    Agreed. You don’t need any more than this or people will find it a lot to read:

    “We are so looking forward to seeing you (blah blah). If you know us, you know we don’t drink. That being said, we will not be paying for alcohol at our wedding and hope our guests will be fully entertained with the DJ and other activities we have planned for the day as well as the variety of non-alcoholic catering. Guests who wish to partake in alcohol on our special day are encouraged to bring their own in a cooler, as our awesome venue has told us they are happy for our guests to do so.”

    Post # 14
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    There is no reason to post that long explanation.

    If you are ok with alcohol being there, it really just seems like you are being cheap and making an excuse to avoid the cost. 

    If you really want it to be BYOB then I’d just say that in two sentences…just we do not drink alcohol and will not be providing alcohol at the wedding. However, you may BYOB. The end.

    Post # 15
    9198 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i would not provide it.  nor would i write a long disclaimer about it.  do your friends and family know you are an alcoholic and sober?  if so, then no expplanation needed.

    The topic ‘Not Providing Alcohol’ is closed to new replies.

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