(Closed) Not Providing Alcohol

posted 4 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Am I right or wrong about this? What action should I take?
    Right : (50 votes)
    32 %
    Wrong : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Stick to your guns : (58 votes)
    37 %
    Hire a much more expensive pay bar : (0 votes)
    provide a case of wine to appease others : (9 votes)
    6 %
    pay for alcohol the usual and expected way : (27 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 16
    1080 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I’m writing this as someone with a couple family alcoholics – so I get your perspective… After a month of family rehab with my mom, I had to take her to my cousins wedding. Not fun for her – very stressful!

    So…. first, congrats on the upcoming 5 year mark!

    Second, I don’t think you need to go into that much detail! Especially talking about how you don’t want to buy alcohol – that makes it sound cheap. I get that you are compensating with the band, photobooth and tour…but most weddings have music and often photobooths. Basically, stop explaining why! The long and detailed explanation is not only coming off cheap, but defensive and honestly, it kinda shames people who would like a drink – it puts them under the assumption that they will be drunky and unruly, even if they are ones who do know their limits and control.

    I recommend keep it simple – Our wedding is BYOB, and we look forward to spending our day celebrating with you! And then provide info on how they can keep their drinks cool, if glassware will be provided, and if this include non alcoholic beverages like soda, coffee, tea, ice, etc.
    Third – if it truly makes you uncomfortable to the extent that you will have a hard time enjoying your wedding, make it completely dry. Weddings are hard for recovering alcoholics at any stage of their recovery. If yours is common knowledge, hopefully your guests will respect that.

    Post # 17
    8100 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    beltacular2008:  Congrats on your sobriety! I think it’s best to just have a dry wedding and not make a fuss about it – your guests know you and won’t be surprised. The part about “not wanting to buy alcohol” might come off as patronzing otherwise so just think up some really fun and interesting mock-tails and enjoy!

    Post # 18
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    This is the exception to the “a good host provides alcohol” rule. A recovering alcoholic is under no obligation to provide others with booze. Your “policy” is a bit overly defensive, though. I would assume that anyone who you know well enough to invite to your wedding knows your situation. I would shorten it and not call it an “alcohol policy” but find a nicer sounding name (a note on alcohol, etc.) for it. Keep the first paragraph, then add a statement like “if you care to partake in alcoholic beverages you are welcome to bring your own.” 

    Post # 19
    416 posts
    Helper bee

    Sounds like you don’t have a problem with alcohol being at your wedding, you just don’t want to provide it. A simple BYO statement would suffice–it’s a little long now and calling it a policy sounds controlling. Might think of providing a place for people to drop off the booze as they arrive so they are not holding bottles during the ceremony. 

    Post # 20
    5072 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m confused. . if you are okay with alcohol being present why aren’t you providing it?  I could see if you didn’t want it there at all .. but this just looks like you don’t want to pay for it.  

    Post # 21
    9097 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We had a dry wedding for no other reason that it was expensive. I don’t feel you have to explain yourself to your guests.

    Don’t have alcohol. If somebody can’t have fun without being tipsy, they can always leave.

    Post # 22
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee

    GroovyHippieChick:  I agree with this. Either have alcohol there and provide it, or make it a dry wedding.

    Post # 23
    2961 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    Congrats on your sobriety!! 

    I think your plan is totally cool, and your loved ones should understand. You are giving them another option, its not as though it is a dry wedding. 

    Post # 24
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    i dont see the problem, you dont want to drink so why should you force yourself to spend the money for an open bar just so others can. This is a wedding not a typical lets get drunk and party. Id imagine that maybe a lot of your guest know about your sobreity and wanting to stay clean, so i cant imagine people being offended. 

    id simply state something to the affect of BYOB or bring your own alcohol. Or you could choose a low alcoholic wine to serve to guest, to try and contain the drinking.

    Post # 25
    958 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I don’t understand. I get why you don’t want to provide alcohol, but you say that you don’t like to watch people get drunk, so it will be byob?? Won’t people still get drunk? I would at a byob wedding…

    I’m pretty much always in the open bar camp. In your situation however, I’d say have a dry wedding. I’d assume all your guests know you and that you dont drink – so it really wouldn’t be a surprise. 

    But, if you want your guests to be able to drink, then provide a bar. Saying that you are uncomfortbale being around alcohol and watching others get drunk and then saying they can bring their own makes zero sense to me.

    Post # 26
    3868 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016


    CostaRica120:  This was my thought too.  I would absolutely understand recovered alcoholics not wanting to have alcohol at their wedding and would completely respect that decision.  However, because you’re ok with it being there and not paying for it, I think that it looks like you’re just being cheap.

    If you’re set on doing things this way regardless, I agree with PP that I would keep it short and not get into details.  Reading the part about using the money for other things that you like would rub me the wrong way as a guest, especially since it’s the same reasoning I see on the bee all the time for other bees not wanting to pay for alcohol. 

    Post # 27
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I think it’s totally fine not to have any alcohol in your situation – but I would just not have it at all versus explaining to guests why you’d rather pay for other things.

    Post # 28
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I would understand having a completely dry wedding but I honestly don’t see the difference between being around alcohol that you pay for and being around alcohol that you don’t pay for.

    Post # 29
    4943 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Considering you are a recovering alcoholic (congrats!), I’d think that guests would assume there will not be alcohol, so honestly, I probably wouldn’t say anything. No explanation needed.

    Post # 30
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I completely understand why you wouldn’t provide the alcohol and see nothing wrong with it. My boyfriend and I love having a few drinks at weddings and dancing all night long, so we would be much appreciative of the heads up and would have no problems at all bringing our own beverages. I say stick to your guns and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to come. 

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