Post # 31
Your guests don’t need that much information. If you want them to bring their own booze, you can simply state “setups will be provided for those who wish to bring spirits.” Then do furnish the cups, ice, soda, etc.
Post # 32
First of all, the Forrest Gump statement rubbed me the wrong way.
Second, this sounds like a major cop out. You’re being cheap, simple as that. If you wanted to have a dry wedding because you don’t want to jeopordize your sobriety I would be sooo on board with that. However, it sounds like you’re totally fine with people drinking, you just don’t want to pay for it. So you’re making your guests pay instead which goes against all etiquette in my opinion. I don’t eat seafood but I still paid for crab cakes and shrimp cocktail at our wedding because I knew our guests would enjoy it.
I just think you should have a completely dry wedding or pay for an open bar. But if you must make your guests pay, just simply write that it’s a BYOB wedding. Your guests don’t need an explination of all the things you find more important than alcohol.
Post # 33
I say either have a dry wedding OR pay for it… but thats just me.
Also careful about references like your “Forest Gump” comment.
It’s in poor taste and comments like don’t go over well on the bee
Post # 34
SoonAsYouCan: I asked everyone to keep it kind and PG, so I’m truly sorry if my “Forrest Gump” comment offended you! Thank you for your honest feedback. I genuinely appreciate all the different views. I have encountered them before posting which is why I posed the question.
Post # 35
it would be one thing if you wanted a totally dry wedding because you can’t be around it. if that was the case, as a guest I would totally understand that situation. if the rest of your friends were non-drinkers then this would also be a non-issue.
but you are making it clear that you’re comfortable with other people bringing booze and drinking at your wedding. and it sounds to me that your friends and family are the type of people who will want a drink there. it comes across as cheap if you are not willing to provide drinks.
Post # 36
Thank you for your feedback thus far. Comments on both sides of the argument are very helpful! I guess some clarification is in order. I was going to have a completely dry wedding, but some immediate family asked if I would reconsider. After looking at all my options, I didn’t see the harm in letting people without problems drink reasonably/responsibly. I honestly thought it was pretty cool of me to allow alcohol at all (why subject others to my restrictions), so I guess my feelings were hurt when what I was paying for/providing instead wasn’t good enough for some. We are honestly providing a lot of awesome alternatives and I think it will be a lot of fun!! I didn’t say everything we are doing in my draft because I like some surprises for people. 🙂
I think it would be good to cut down what we are saying on our website. A lot of people suggested this and reading the explanation as to why makes a lot of sense. People are going to feel how they want about it regardless of what I write, so why justify? This is solid advice. At the end of the day, I honestly think anyone who complained about it prior to the wedding is going to eat there words because it will be so fun! How many people have attended a wedding at such a venue? That, in and of itself, is worth the effort to attend.
I am grateful for all of the feedback on here telling me to do what I want because it is my day. I have always cared a lot about what others want/think, but this is mine and my fiance’s day to have our dream come true, and at the end of the day, I am marrying the most incredibly amazing person in the world. This is the most important detail that deserves my attention. Thank you for bringing me back to reality.
I am grateful to all of you, even if you don’t agree with me. Your feedback, opinions, honesty and encouragement are awesome. Glad I joined the Bee!
Post # 37
You’re right in not wanting to serve alcohol at the wedding. However, it should be all or nothing. BYOB is not ok for a formal event. This is not a house party.
If you go dry, a simple one-liner on the wedding website will do, as well as word of mouth…
“Dinner & Dry Reception to Follow”
Keep is short!
Post # 38
I usually think it’s a mistake to attempt to justify or explain your wedding decisions too much. That just validates the idea that people deserve an explanation for your choices, which they don’t. I would trim your statement to just the essentials, “We’re sober and will not be providing alcohol, but for guests who wish to bring their own, our venue is fully equipped to accommodate you.” Congrats on your sobriety!
ETA: I disagree with some PPs. If I was a guest at your wedding, I would really appreciate the opportunity to be able to bring my own booze rather than go without—as long as you’re comfortable with that, of course. Not every wedding is super formal.
Post # 39
janedw: Thank you for your feedback. I certainly didn’t mean to offend, just expressing my feelings. I will keep it more PC next time I make a post. This is useful advice!!
Putting it out there to all – Sorry if they way I wrote my questions made anyone uncomfortable and thank you again for your help!
Post # 40
beltacular2008: You don’t want people getting drunk? How will you stop that? What if someone shows up with a handle or two of liquor? At least if you provide alcohol, you can limit it to beer and wine.
Post # 41
First, I think it’s completely inappropriate for your family members, knowing you are in recovery, to ask you to reconsider having a dry wedding. Wow. That said, I agree with PPs that all you need to do is say it’s BYOB. And after reading your follow-up post it seems like you’ve recognized that you’re letting your annoyance at even making it BYOB bleed over into what you originally intended to write :). Your wedding sounds like it’ll be a ton of fun. Let that speak for itself.
Post # 43
I wouldn’t add that giant disclaimer about what you’d rather pay for.. It comes across as holier than thou. You have a perfectly valid reason for having a dry wedding.. Just mention that the reception is dry. I’m sure most of your family/ close friends know your sober. I’m not even sure if BYOB is necessary here.. Thoughtful on your part but, hard to word in a way that conveys a level of formality and not sound like a backyard bbq.
Also, congrats on being 5 years sober! That’s a huge accomplishment!
Post # 44
I think you are being…disingenuous. You are OK with people drinking liquor, you just don’t want to pay for it.
Post # 45
Normally the thought of a dry wedding would make me grimace but you’re doing it for all the right reasons. If people can’t see this and have issue with providing their own drinks like its a punishment, then they’re not really people you want around you. I think giving them the option to provide their own drinks is fantastic. Like you said, it could have been way more expensive for them.
Congrats on being sober by the way!