(Closed) Not Providing Alcohol

posted 4 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Am I right or wrong about this? What action should I take?
    Right : (50 votes)
    32 %
    Wrong : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Stick to your guns : (58 votes)
    37 %
    Hire a much more expensive pay bar : (0 votes)
    provide a case of wine to appease others : (9 votes)
    6 %
    pay for alcohol the usual and expected way : (27 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 31
    7432 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Your guests don’t need that much information. If you want them to bring their own booze, you can simply state “setups will be provided for those who wish to bring spirits.”  Then do furnish the cups, ice, soda, etc.

    Post # 32
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    First of all, the Forrest Gump statement rubbed me the wrong way.

    Second, this sounds like a major cop out. You’re being cheap, simple as that. If you wanted to have a dry wedding because you don’t want to jeopordize your sobriety I would be sooo on board with that. However, it sounds like you’re totally fine with people drinking, you just don’t want to pay for it. So you’re making your guests pay instead which goes against all etiquette in my opinion. I don’t eat seafood but I still paid for crab cakes and shrimp cocktail at our wedding because I knew our guests would enjoy it.

    I just think you should have a completely dry wedding or pay for an open bar. But if you must make your guests pay, just simply write that it’s a BYOB wedding. Your guests don’t need an explination of all the things you find more important than alcohol.

    Post # 33
    1053 posts
    Bumble bee


    THIS! SoonAsYouCan:  


    I say either have a dry wedding OR pay for it… but thats just me. 
    Also careful about references like your “Forest Gump” comment.

    It’s in poor taste and comments like don’t go over well on the bee

    Post # 35
    893 posts
    Busy bee

    it would be one thing if you wanted a totally dry wedding because you can’t be around it. if that was the case, as a guest I would totally understand that situation. if the rest of your friends were non-drinkers then this would also be a non-issue.

    but you are making it clear that you’re comfortable with other people bringing booze and drinking at your wedding. and it sounds to me that your friends and family are the type of people who will want a drink there. it comes across as cheap if you are not willing to provide drinks. 

    Post # 37
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    You’re right in not wanting to serve alcohol at the wedding. However, it should be all or nothing. BYOB is not ok for a formal event. This is not a house party.

    If you go dry, a simple one-liner on the wedding website will do, as well as word of mouth…

    “Dinner & Dry Reception to Follow”

    Keep is short!

    Post # 38
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I usually think it’s a mistake to attempt to justify or explain your wedding decisions too much. That just validates the idea that people deserve an explanation for your choices, which they don’t. I would trim your statement to just the essentials, “We’re sober and will not be providing alcohol, but for guests who wish to bring their own, our venue is fully equipped to accommodate you.” Congrats on your sobriety!

    ETA: I disagree with some PPs. If I was a guest at your wedding, I would really appreciate the opportunity to be able to bring my own booze rather than go without—as long as you’re comfortable with that, of course. Not every wedding is super formal.

    Post # 40
    1122 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    beltacular2008:  You don’t want people getting drunk?  How will you stop that?  What if someone shows up with a handle or two of liquor?  At least if you provide alcohol, you can limit it to beer and wine.  

    Post # 41
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    First, I think it’s completely inappropriate for your family members, knowing you are in recovery, to ask you to reconsider having a dry wedding. Wow. That said, I agree with PPs that all you need to do is say it’s BYOB. And after reading your follow-up post it seems like you’ve recognized that you’re letting your annoyance at even making it BYOB bleed over into what you originally intended to write :). Your wedding sounds like it’ll be a ton of fun. Let that speak for itself.

    Post # 43
    4697 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I wouldn’t add that giant disclaimer about what you’d rather pay for.. It comes across as holier than thou. You have a perfectly valid reason for having a dry wedding.. Just mention that the reception is dry. I’m sure most of your family/ close friends know your sober. I’m not even sure if BYOB is necessary here.. Thoughtful on your part but, hard to word in a way that conveys a level of formality and not sound like a backyard bbq.

    Also, congrats on being 5 years sober! That’s a huge accomplishment!

    Post # 44
    2748 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think you are being…disingenuous.  You are OK with people drinking liquor, you just don’t want to pay for it.

    Post # 45
    142 posts
    Blushing bee

    Normally the thought of a dry wedding would make me grimace but you’re doing it for all the right reasons. If people can’t see this and have issue with providing their own drinks like its a punishment, then they’re not really people you want around you. I think giving them the option to provide their own drinks is fantastic. Like you said, it could have been way more expensive for them. 

    Congrats on being sober by the way!

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