(Closed) Not Providing Alcohol

posted 4 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Am I right or wrong about this? What action should I take?
    Right : (50 votes)
    32 %
    Wrong : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Stick to your guns : (58 votes)
    37 %
    Hire a much more expensive pay bar : (0 votes)
    provide a case of wine to appease others : (9 votes)
    6 %
    pay for alcohol the usual and expected way : (27 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    4823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    beltacular2008:    Why not simply have a dry reception?  Personally I’d be totally happy with that, and I’d consider it a bonus to be supportive of you on your special day.   

    Post # 47
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I voted wrong but I think it is totally okay to not provide alcohol at a wedding.  I don’t think you need to write a long disclaimer explaining your choice.  I would spread the news by word of mouth that it will be a dry wedding and not say anything about the BYOB option. 

    Congratulations on five years!

    Post # 48
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I think BYOB is a great idea for your wedding.  It’s okay if you don’t want to pay for the alcohol.  It gets expensive!  Open bar at my venue was $70 pp at our venue after heavy negotiating.  We trimmed our flowers, invite, cake, etc. budget, so we can get the open bar.  I mean who remembers flowers, invites, the bride’s shoes?  But yeah, people remember if they had a good time or not, and I find alcohol results in a good time for a lot of people.  I am not a drinker at all, but I heavily endorse alcohol at weddings.  I realize that a lot of people just have more fun when alcohol is involved.  I have spoken to several people that have been to dry weddings and honestly, they all just shook their heads at the concept and admit that they didn’t have as good of a time.  Yes, people are there to celebrate your union and are happy for the couple, but honestly, weddings aren’t just about the bride and groom.  I disagree with statements that it’s your wedding, you should do whatever you want.  I think you should also make sure you’re appreciating your guests as well.  However, I do think the note that you have is too long, just say “guests are welcome to provide their own alcoholic beverages”, something short and simple!        

    Post # 49
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Let’s just call a spade a spade – you don’t want to pay for booze.  And that’s fine.  But don’t pretend like it has something to do with your sobriety, because it absolutely doesn’t.  You obviously don’t care if people drink at your wedding, so don’t get all up on your high horse about sobriety and an “alcohol policy.” Frankly I think a BYOB wedding comes across as really cheap.  

    Post # 50
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    Honestly, I’m of the “if you want a dry wedding, have a dry wedding” opinion. I’d think if I was invited to a wedding that encouraged me to bring my own bottle I’d be… more confused and put-off than if it was just a dry wedding? I’d actually be more inclined not to go, because if you’re relying on people to control their own alcohol consumption, you’re far more likely to have -more- drunk people than if you had an open bar with a bartender.

    If you’re sticking by BYOB because you think it’ll go over awesome with your friends for one reason or another, that’s cool – but I agree with PP’s. You don’t need to explain it or add a disclaimer. In the words of Shia LaBeouf and Nike in the 90’s: Just do it.

    Post # 51
    Member
    6671 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I agree with those who think a) stick to the dry reception b) shorten the spiel about it

    I’d like to add that if I were a recovering alcoholic and someone made a fuss about my not having alcohol at my own wedding, they would not be invited, even if it was my own mother.  That is so disrespectful I can’t even wrap my head around it!

    lastly your wedding is IN Luray Caverns?  Please may I come?  That is awesome! And no, don’t worry about sending that invite… I’m too far away and haven’t been underground in several years – but I bet if I still lived out there I’d know you!

    Post # 52
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Im not providing alcohol, they can buy it at a bar but we wont have an open bar. I dont think youre obligated to give people alcohol. I heard too many crazy stories of wedding with open bar.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2466 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am seething with resentment as I read your post, beltacular.

    What you wish to serve or not serve at your reception is totally and absolutely your call, with NO disclaimers, ABSOLUTELY no apologies, and no second thoughts on your part.

    I would be absolutely furious if anyone could not sacrifice the spirits for my ceremony and reception.

    Major kudos that you assumed responsibility for yourself.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Profile Photo ann.reid.9277.
    Post # 54
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I don’t think you need a disclaimer.  I wouldnt find it odd if you didn’t serve alcohol but would think it was weird if you sent a note explaining that the funds were going elsewhere!!!

    Post # 55
    Member
    2691 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    beltacular2008:  So, I’m guessing other people may have the same view but

    1) the monologue is too much

    2) either have a dry wedding or provide whatever you can afford alcohol wise

    3) Sorry but BYOB to a wedding seem REALLY distasteful. This isn’t a bakcyard BBQ… or is it!?

    Post # 56
    Member
    2092 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    beltacular2008:  First off, congrats on your sobriety!! Now as for your drink dilemma, open bars are not a necessity (I know, I probably sound like a HORRIBLE host on here). We offered beer, wine, and soft drinks and guests were plenty happy with us. If you aren’t providing alcohol (which is totally acceptable IMO) you can have a cash bar option, but I would still provide punch, soft drinks, or mocktails at the least. That way you’re still providing some form of beverage, but not alcohol. If guests want alcohol, it’s more than reasonable to have an option for them to purchase it on their own. I personally am against the whole “you’re the host you must provide an open bar.” Where I come from, cash bars are the norm and are completely acceptable. Do what you and your Fiance want, guests will still have fun regardless of what beverages you choose to serve! I would skip on the whole disclaimer however and just spread the message by word of mouth. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    3169 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with PPs who have suggested shortening your explanation. No need to go into details of where you want to spend the $$ instead etc

    Post # 58
    Member
    415 posts
    Helper bee

    I understand and respect your reasons for not wanting to provide alcohol.

    However you contradict yourself when you turn around and tell guests it’s OK to BYOB. 

    Either you’re OK with alcohol being at the reception, or you’re not.

    Pick a side — either make it a dry wedding, or provide a bar. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1811 posts
    Buzzing bee

    For the record, I don’t think you’re being cheap. Based on what you said you are providing for entertainment plus the location doesn’t sound cheap at all. And you want your friends to have a good time–generosity isn’t just about money, folks. It’s about feelings, thoughts, and effort, too. But if I were a recovering alcoholic I would have a tough time purchasing for others the very thing that gave me so much trouble at one time. I give you a lot of credit for even being willing to be around liquor since I can imagine it may not always be easy.

    I would cut down your explanation…no need to explain such a thing. No need to explain why you don’t feel comfortable purchasing your (former) demon for others, either. In this particular situation and given the thing you’ve overcome, I find the BYOB option to be a MOST generous compromise. A simple, “While we will not be providing alcoholic beverages, you may bring your own.” Or, as others have mentioned, provide the cash bar–also totally acceptable. On that note, if you truly want a dry wedding–definitely acceptable. It’s your day and as a PP posted, it’s really quite sad and also irritating that you have to explain your wishes or feel the need to make compromises on YOUR wedding day….over THIS issue! The way I see it, those who have an issue with you not wanting to condone alcohol consumption and especially over consumption on your wedding day are the selfish ones and are “cheaping out” on their understanding towards YOU! 

    Post # 60
    Member
    980 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Blue Hound Farm

    Fiance and I are both in recovery as well. He was more open to the idea of having alcohol at our wedding, but I was totally opposed from the beginning. I hate being around people drinking, and it’s really the last thing I want on my wedding day. Plus, we have a number of friends in early recovery, so I want to provide a safe space for them. Anyone who doesn’t know us well enough to expect and understand our choice, well I don’t particularly care what they think anyway. Not having the additional costs is an added benefit, but for me, it’s 100% that I don’t want it around. I have to agree with pps op, this really does sound more like your being cheap than an issue related to your recovery…

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