Post # 1
So I know there is so much negativity around the idea of having a wedding after you have been legally married for some period of time.. I’m doing it anyway and am looking for advice from others who have done it as well.
We were married at the courthouse August 2015 and our “marriage celebration ceremony” Is August 2016. I am trying to outline what the officient will say and I am having a hard time. This ceremony is meant to be a public affirmation of love and commitment since technically we did not do it publicly. We both feel very strongly about having our friends and families there to witness the promises we have made to each other.
Does anyone have a suggestion?
Post # 2
Can you be more specific about the parts you’re having trouble with? Also, you officiant can be a great help to you here.
Post # 3
Do the guests know you’re already married?Did you make any vows at courthouse or simply sign paperwork? Not asking for judgmental reasons, but because it may change whatever wording you choose to use.
Post # 4
basically how to go around the typical ceremony outline and make it work for what we are doing. I envision the officiant explaining why we are making this a big deal and why we see it important to still have a real wedding although legally we have been married. I would also like him to read the promises we made to each other when we got married so that our guests are “witnesses” instead of us exchanging vows how you would during typical wedding .. I am all over the place right now I have just started.. any suggestions will help
Post # 5
Everyone knows we are married. We did exchange vows and rings at the courthouse .. it was basically a wedding ceremony without anyone there
Post # 6
First of all, if you are hiring an officiant it is usually his/her job to work out the details of ceremony wording. So you may be borrowing stress unnecessarily.
But if you want to start sketching it out, I’d say that there are some easy substitutions to be made. For example,
– the introduction when the officiant would normally say something like “we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of x & y” he/she could say something like, “we are gathered here today to witness the re-affirming of vows between x & y” or “we are gathered here today to witness the marriage vows of x & y”
– the end when the officiant would normally say something like “I now present to you, for the first time, mr and mrs x!” he/she could say “I now present to you, mr and mrs x!”
Most of the ceremony is still completely relevant without modification even if this isn’t the first day of your marriage.
Post # 7
My husband and I got married in a courthouse last year and we will be having our “real” wedding ceremony mid 2017. I don’t think it’s weird to have the wedding you’ve always dreamed of, regardless of whether you’re already married or not.
We are personally doing it because we had to get married quickly before moving to another country for a job, and so we didn’t get to enjoy our engagement or have extended family or even any friends at our courthouse wedding. We also didn’t hire a photographer as we were planning on having our “real” wedding later on anyways. Everyone agrees that it’s a fine thing to do, and we actually know two other couples who have married at city hall and are planning their big wedding for a year or two after.
Since everyone knows we’re married, we’ll either have the officiant say something like “as Mr. And Mrs. have already participated in a matrimonial ceremony, we will be proceeding with this event as it is the first time”. This is just so that our photographer, family, and friends who missed it the first time can experience it. We are also toying with the idea of just doing a vow renewal with a reception. Whatever you choose, you can’t be wrong if both your and your husband are happy!
Post # 8
I don’t see why any of the wording for a vow renewel wouldn’t work. Just take out any references to a long period of time. I also think its off puttig to call it your real wedding. Plenty of people get married at city hall. I would just call it your big wedding.
Post # 9
I don’t understand. A vow is a promise, so exchanging promises you made at your original wedding in front of your guests could also be called exchanging vows. Do you just not like the term “vow renewal?” Because, to me, that sounds exactly like what you are doing
Post # 10
I see a vow renewal as something done after the relationship has grown and been through some things that change the relationship from what it initially was at the start.. We haven’t been married a year yet so I don’t feel we are at that point where we want to re-commit, re-dedicate, re-promise.. etc. Honestly the point of us having this ceremony is for my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles who weren’t there originally and are really involved in our relationship be a part of this and also celebrate with us. So I am kind of thinking of it along the lines of “public
affirmation” … but wording things is hard for me
Post # 11
I think you’re on the right track. Have the officiant begin with something like “we are here to publicly witness the commitment X and Y have made to each other, and to show that we as a community support their marriage.”
Then the officiant can maybe say a few words about your relationship with your husband, have someone special to you do a reading, and say your vows. You’ll probably find other marriage ceremony scripts helpful and can easily make a few tweaks to fit your situation.