Post # 1
So J and I had a looong talk last night about where/if we’d like to move. We’re both terribly unhappy with living in Atlanta, so we spent a couple hours looking up law schools that he could get into/I could transfer to in neighboring states. He kept talking about how I needed to be sure it was a place I could see myself happily living and working long term, and whether I would be okay living a state away from my mother(we’re very close and as it is, I only live a half hour from her.)
Later that night, he mentioned a few more things about what kind of wedding he’d like to have…he even said who he’d pick for his best man, and that he didn’t care about having a groom’s cake.
Now this is all well and good, but I was really struggling to keep myself from asking if he plans on proposing to me before all this moving and changing takes place. I feel weird and uncertain making plans and talking about this stuff because I know that I am not willing to just keep living with him after this lease runs out(June). At the same time, I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to bring another huge element into the conversation before he’s even taken the LSAT or knows if he’d get into law school at all.
Still, I REALLY want to know. I know that we’re going to going t’o be married one day, but I really want the security of knowing that the proposal is coming sooner rather than later…yet, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. J is not at all the type who would be willing to tell me a “propose by” date, and I don’t think I would want that anyway. Yet, I still really want to know when.
Post # 3
My rule for that (when we thought we were going to have to move) is that I absolutely would not move without a proposal. Up and changing your life is fun and great! And exciting when doing it with someone else cause you have a comiserator… but it’s a HUGE commitment and one that needs to not be taken lightly.
Also, why do you not like Atlanta? I’d give ANYTHING to be able to go back and live there.
Post # 4
I know how you feel! That is so tought trying to plan your life and moving to a completely new place without commitment. You might want to mention to your BF that you don’t feel comfortable moving away without a commitment. I know it is sort of an ultimatim for him, but if you aren’t engaged, maybe you shouldn’t move away right away and wait a while.
Post # 5
I understand your frustration!
But it seems like you guys are in a good place – talking about your future together! And him making plans WITH you in the picture not making plans without you!
Would you really leave him if he doesn’t propose before June? It seems like you are already in a very committed relationship already and the ring won’t make that commitment any more real. But at the same time by the way he discusses his future with you – you know it IS coming!
I think you guys are in a really good spot and obviously he is thinking about marriage and so the proposal will come when he is ready.
I say this but at the same time I know how frustrating waiting can be! But trust me in that it will be SOOOOOO worth it when it eventually comes!
Post # 6
@KMSull: I know! I guess I just really have to make myself wait until he gets his LSAT score back…because until that happens, we won’t really know if he’s going to law school at all, so this could totally be a moot point.
Now that his friends are asking when we’re getting married, I feel like a proposal is imminent, plus he does bring up something marriage or wedding related nearly every day. I have said before that I am definitely not comfortable continuing living together without more commitment and I know he understands that…so maybe I should just leave it at that?
And Atlanta…I guess he and I just aren’t city people. We don’t like the traffic, the crowds, the crime, the lack of greenspace…we could make an eternal list. It works for some, though!
Post # 7
@Future Mrs. Martin: It does feel like we’re in a good place…and while I wouldn’t leave him, I would leave the living together situation absolutely if we weren’t engaged. It seems like we’re getting to a place in the relationship where the time is right for it to happen…so if it didn’t, I can’t really see what benefit there would be to continuing to live together. If he needed more time to decide, then I would want to put some space between us.
I mean, I know that “right now” isn’t the right time for a proposal. First, he needs to get over the LSAT hurdle…