Not really engaged?

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You don’t need a ring or proposal to plan a wedding.  I’d say you’re engaged.  If you want a proposal/ring, talk to your SO!

Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee

I agree with PP. It definitely seems like he’s on board maybe he’s already bought one and is just waiting for the right moment. 

Post # 5
Member
13215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
wannabee2019 :  By any traditional definition, if you’ve agreed to be married and have even picked out a date, that makes you engaged. No formal proposal or ring are necessary.

If you decide to keep it private for whatever length of time that’s up to you, but it doesn’t have  to be a secret just because he hasn’t given you a ring or planned what some would essentially consider to be an elaborately staged “do over.”  If that’s the way you feel about it, have a discussion.

Post # 6
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

if you’re not sure then you should ask him. this is the guy you’re planning to spend your life with, surely you’re prepared to have more delicate, uncomfortable conversations than this. 🙂 

“hey, we’ve gotten into some pretty specific wedding planning territory lately. it feels to me like we’re basically engaged, what are your thoughts?” if he’s on the same page and you want a ring… “i’d like to go pick out a ring together and let our nearest and dearest know the good news!”

Post # 7
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

This is definitely a conversation you need to have with him. Don’t hint or hope. Ask directly.

If having a ring is important to you, tell him that. He might not realize you care about that.

Post # 9
Member
7507 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you’ve agreed to marry and chosen a date, you’re engaged. Congrats!

and now that you’re engaged, there should be no need to tip-toe around the discussion. Just talk it out. Explain that since you’ve already agreed to marry and have even set the date, you aren’t expecting a fancy over-the-top proposal, but you’d like a ring and you’ve got no objection to choosing and paying for it together.

Post # 10
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If you want a ring be direct and ask for one. You set the terms of your engagement. If you need a ring to feel the process is  complete, that’s okay. Don’t hint. 

Post # 11
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
wannabee2019 :  i am of the opinion that you shouldn’t feel greedy about wanting things, so long as you don’t demand or expect things. you aren’t commanding him to buy you a ring. you’re expressing your desire to have an engagement ring. maybe he’s fine with buying you one. maybe he’d prefer to split the cost. you’ll only find out by talking through it with him. 

Post # 12
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
wannabee2019 :  don’t ask for a ring up front. Just be like “babe, I know this may be a weird question since we are already planning a weddings but are we officially engaged? Or are you still planning the proposal?” And then laugh a little bit and kind of joke and say “I just wanted to know since we are doing things our own way! :-p” and if he hadn’t thought about a proposal now he is and then he might ask “oh I thought we were already engaged” and then that’s when you can say “oh! That’s great! Can we go ring shopping my love?” And who could say no to that or be might say “I had a proposal planned” and then you could be like “ oh I’m excited!” And run and give him a hug and then you know at some point you’ll be getting a ring. Just happily ask. No pressure though! Make it as lighthearted as possible like you haven’t really been thinking about it and you’re just passing through conversation. 

Post # 13
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You sound like you’re engaged to me!

You don’t need a ring to be engaged, and he might not realise you want/expect one, so if you do then let him know!

Post # 14
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
wannabee2019 :  I would be gently direct (do not apologize) and simply say, “So are we engaged?  I want to be clear!”

Sounds like you are engaged to me!!!

Post # 15
Member
7594 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It doesn’t matter what tradition dictates – all that matters is what you and your bf think. Does your bf consider you to be engaged right now? Does he know you’re confused about where you stand? I would not “sit tight and wait for him to make a move” – that sounds like a recipe for stress and angst. Instead, I would talk to him now and get on the same page. It could be he’s shy and intimidated by the idea of getting a ring, which is fine – in that case just talk to him and figure out a solution together. You coudl go shopping for a ring together or you could just get one yourself. This is the man you want to marry – talk to him!

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