Post # 1
So my Fiance is Macedonian Orthodox and they have A LOT of wedding traditions, which is fine. Before we even got engaged the topic came up a few times and we had both agreed that we would have an Orthodox ceremony (I am Catholic) and that our reception would be a mix of both Macedonian traditions as well as American ones.
Well he’s being a stubborn butthead and my FIL’s are backing him up. Today we were discussing music. When you think about it, only 25% of the wedding guests will be Macedonian. His mother is full blooded Native American and I am just a mutt, so whatever. They want the entire wedding, minus the first dance songs to be Macedonian. I freaked out and said there is no way in HELL that the wedding my parents are also paying half for (his parents and mine are each splitting the costs) will pay for a 100% Macedonian wedding. I don’t even know the language! And yes, the dancing they do is very fun, but he has a ton of cousins and family friends that have gotten married recently and their weddings were full Macedonian weddings and I thought it was not fun at all. Everything was in Macedonian, when they introduced the couple and bridal party, cutting the cake, the toast, everything and I felt so uncomfortable. I really don’t want to make 75% of the guests feel weird because they have no idea what is going on. Shoot, I want to know what’s going on and I only know like 50 words in Macedonian!
So we got into a huge fight. i am not afraid to tell my IL’s like it is because they are not afraid to yell back either. I told them everything I said above and I get called a Bridezilla. For wanting to compromise because the only language I know is American. Sorry I didn’t spend half of my life in Europe.
So now I’m very hurt by my Fiance who is totally going along with his parents. We agreed before all of this to compromise and it’s ticking me off. So I came home and I was discussing this with my parents and now they are saying that they don’t want ANYTHING Macedonian at the wedding. Really Mom and Dad? They’re being just as ignorant and stubborn as my FI’s parents.
So I’m being yelled at and tugged all around and all I want to do is compromise. I don’t mind half American music and half Macedonian music. I don’t mind the pig dance tradition or the bread dance tradition. I don’t even mind having to wear specific jewlery. I just want to know what is going on at my own wedding.
I’m so stressed out with school, work and wedding planning I sort of just want to say to hell with it and go elope.
Any of you bees have a similar situation to help me through this? Or any words of wisdom before I take a whack at everyone?
Post # 3
Ugh. Compromise can be hard to begin with, but when one party doesn’t follow through with the joint decision it’s really frustrating. Hopefully some time to cool off and think things through will give everyone some time to get a little perspective.
We’re also planning a multicultural wedding–combining Haitian and American traditions. We’re having the wedding in Haiti, and everything will be translated because we’ll have guests who only speak English and others who only speak French/Creole. Both sets of parents have been pretty hands off except when we ask for their opinions, for which I am VERY thankful. My Fiance and I have discussed the ceremony and know what we want, but I’m pretty nervous that when we sit down with our pastors (one will do the ceremony and the other will translate) that they will expect the ceremony to be mostly Haitian since it’s happening in Haiti.
Post # 4
@blayne7: That’s awesome that you and your Fiance could compromise so well. I’m just so worn out from it all I’m ready to scream. I would understand if his family did not speak English, especially those from over-seas. But they all speak wonderful English and his relatives from over-seas are not coming to our “American” wedding, they are throwing us another one in Macedonia on our honemoon (we are going to Greece, Macedonia, and Croatia) so I think that’s a lot of Macedonian stuff and nothing at all Catholic or American.
But I hope that everything works out wonderfully for your wedding! It seems as though you have it all together!
Post # 5
Ick, that sucks. I don’t really have any advice other than pointing out the obvious numbers (75% of your guests won’t know what’s going on, you’re the other HALF of the reason this whole wedding is happening, etc.)
Stick to your guns so you get the wedding you want!!
Post # 6
That really sucks, it sounds like you’re being totally reasonable and willing to compromise and just geting shut down on both ends – it’s especially worriesome that your Fiance is just going along with his parents. Maybe you should let him know that your parents wanted the wedding 100% American, and you told them no out of respect for him and his family’s culture, now it’s his turn to man up and do the same for you, even if his parents don’t like it.
But I think you and your Fiance need to have a private conversation abotu this – a calm one with no yelling and no interfering parents.
Post # 7
@Wonderstruck: I agree with everything!! JM, you definitely need to sit down with your Fiance and talk about what each of you wants for the ceremony and reception, especially since you are going to have a completely Macedonian ceremony later.
It may seem like my Fiance and I have everything together, but we spent HOURS going over the minute details of Haitian weddings vs. American weddings. It was tedious and sometimes frustrating. And other times hilarious as we acted out or drew pictures of certain aspects for each other. I think what helped us was making a list of 3 or 5 things we absolutely could not live without and then working from there. Neither one of us cared about having a flower girl or ring bearer, so we aren’t doing that. I want my dad to walk me all the way down the isle; that’s not the norm for Haiti, but it was REALLY important to me. However, our weddign party will be sitting (including us) because that was important to him (and what reason do I have to say no to sitting in a comfy chair while the pastor drones on and I only have eyes for my man?). There were some other negotiations we made, but I dont’ remember what they are right now. It’s too late for my brain to function properly.