(Closed) Not really liking my family or FIL’s very much today…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ugh. Compromise can be hard to begin with, but when one party doesn’t follow through with the joint decision it’s really frustrating. Hopefully some time to cool off and think things through will give everyone some time to get a little perspective.

We’re also planning a multicultural wedding–combining Haitian and American traditions. We’re having the wedding in Haiti, and everything will be translated because we’ll have guests who only speak English and others who only speak French/Creole. Both sets of parents have been pretty hands off except when we ask for their opinions, for which I am VERY thankful. My Fiance and I have discussed the ceremony and know what we want, but I’m pretty nervous that when we sit down with our pastors (one will do the ceremony and the other will translate) that they will expect the ceremony to be mostly Haitian since it’s happening in Haiti.

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ick, that sucks.  I don’t really have any advice other than pointing out the obvious numbers (75% of your guests won’t know what’s going on, you’re the other HALF of the reason this whole wedding is happening, etc.)

Stick to your guns so you get the wedding you want!!

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That really sucks, it sounds like you’re being totally reasonable and willing to compromise and just geting shut down on both ends – it’s especially worriesome that your Fiance is just going along with his parents. Maybe you should let him know that your parents wanted the wedding 100% American, and you told them no out of respect for him and his family’s culture, now it’s his turn to man up and do the same for you, even if his parents don’t like it.

But I think you and your Fiance need to have a private conversation abotu this – a calm one with no yelling and no interfering parents.

Post # 7
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Wonderstruck: I agree with everything!! JM, you definitely need to sit down with your Fiance and talk about what each of you wants for the ceremony and reception, especially since you are going to have a completely Macedonian ceremony later.

It may seem like my Fiance and I have everything together, but we spent HOURS going over the minute details of Haitian weddings vs. American weddings. It was tedious and sometimes frustrating. And other times hilarious as we acted out or drew pictures of certain aspects for each other. I think what helped us was making a list of 3 or 5 things we absolutely could not live without and then working from there. Neither one of us cared about having a flower girl or ring bearer, so we aren’t doing that. I want my dad to walk me all the way down the isle; that’s not the norm for Haiti, but it was REALLY important to me. However, our weddign party will be sitting (including us) because that was important to him (and what reason do I have to say no to sitting in a comfy chair while the pastor drones on and I only have eyes for my man?). There were some other negotiations we made, but I dont’ remember what they are right now. It’s too late for my brain to function properly.

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