Post # 1
How would you say that you want a kid there for part of the time?
For instance.. FI’s nephew will be 4.
His nephew will get cranky and irritable. He’s like that most of the time anyway.
I do love the kid, but I have a very small Greek church and I don’t want him fussing while the ceremony is happening. But FIs sister wouldn’t have enough sense to step out until he calms down.
(I’m not being a b*tch.. she honestly takes the kid to R-rated movies late at night and hands him her phone to keep him busy during the movie. She NEVER takes him out if he gets loud.)
However, I want him to be in some of the family pictures after the wedding.
The reception is going to be late. It won’t be dinner, just heavy hors d’oeuvres. There will be plenty of alcohol. I don’t want him running around (which she will let him. He’s a kid, OF COURSE he wants to run around!)
Have any bees run into this kind of situation?
Again, I have tons of time to think about it. I’m just wondering how you go about doing this.
Post # 4
I would say leave him out of it. If he’s the only kid he will probably be even worse that he usually is because he will be bored to tears. Is his mom an out of town guest, or does she live nearby where your wedding is? If she lives nearby then I would assume that he would be watched by a sitter, maybe she can bring him for photos. The only thing you might catch flack about is the sister going to all the trouble to get the little tyke all clean and dressed for like 30 minutes of pictures.
I’m’ kind of thinking that you should not have him at all (which would be my personal preference) or have him for the whole thing.
Post # 5
I agree with PP. I would have him in either all or none OR if your Future Sister-In-Law can find a babysitter for him that would be ok too.
Post # 6
To be honest, I would be a little offended that my child wasn’t good enough to go to the wedding but that someone would want to still show him off in pictures. It is either all or nothing. He’s 4. Does he scream at the top of his lungs all the time?
Post # 7
@Chrysoberyl: If there are more kids why don’t you provide a children area? That’s what we’re planning to do if we get kids on the guest list. I just think it’s kind of rude to not invite kids, but that’s just me (I don’t like offending people). So maybe you could hire some one to take care of the kids during the ceremony and reception, and see if the parents can bring them a sleeping bag for later at night. In their area you could have osme entertainment too like a movie and snacks.
@onourway13: I agree, I too would be offended.
Post # 8
@Chrysoberyl: I don’t have any suggestions but did want to comment that I absolutely loathe people like your Future Sister-In-Law who bring small kids to R rated evening movies! I mean, that’s bad enough but to hand him her CELL to play with and not take him out when he makes noise?
Post # 9
email me on [email protected] if you want a template of the kids activity book I created for my wedding to keep kids occupied during the service.
Post # 10
This is definitely an all-or-nothing situation.
Would it be the end of the world if your nephew was not in your wedding pictures? This is just my personal opinion, but I think overall wedding day experience and low-stressfulness trumps getting a few pictures — meaning, that I would be more upset if my nephew was being disruptive and loud than I would about not having a picture. Just my thoughts.
Post # 11
She still lives with FI’s parents so they are definitely in town. My personal opinion is to not have him at all, but I don’t want FIs parents to be upset about that.
@onourway13: I’m sorry you saw it that way. I never said a child wasn’t good enough to go to a wedding. I do remember saying that I would like him at the ceremony, but he’s not very well behaved (FI’s sister is unfortunately the type of person who puts herself before anybody) She wouldn’t complain about not having him there because she is always sneaking out before FI’s parents realize that she’s gone and they are stuck babysitting.
He will be 4. He’s 3 now. But he’s developmentally and mentally very behind. He fusses, screams and throws fits constantly. It’s sad.. but the only time I’ve seen him quiet is when he’s stuck in front of the TV. Which happens way too often in my opinion.
@Sammy01: I don’t think it’s rude, it’s just a cultural thing. It will be late. There will be alcohol and probably just heavy hors d’oeuvres. Not chicken nuggets and other kid friendly stuff. None of my friends have kids right now and people in our family have kids that are 16+. It’s nothing against children.
@Zhabeego: LOL yes she’s that type of person unfortunately. She doesn’t seem to have a concept of “schedule” and “bedtime.” Two things that I think are very important for kids. Last month she was caught and charged for a DUI (pot) and didn’t have him buckled in properly. Her mugshot is awkwardly cropped because she’s holding him while having it taken.
So.. you can kind of see how he’s being raised. He doesn’t know right from wrong and doesn’t even know how to talk yet 🙁 He just yells all the time. Maybe something will change in a year.. I’m still clinging on to that hope.
@Ozziebee: That sounds like a great idea. But he can’t color yet 🙁 He doesn’t know how to use a spoon or fork and doesn’t know how to color or anything like that.. 🙁 I don’t think he has those motor skills yet…..
@FutureMrsLAL: No it wouldn’t. Sorry I didn’t make that clear earlier but you can see at the top of the post why I’m doing it. I just thought it would be nice to have him in some pictures. And I agree with you, I’d be really upset if you couldn’t hear anything in our video because he was being loud. And he loves being loud!
Thank you ALL for your thoughts! I’m really sorry if I came off as offensive to some. I promise I’m not trying to be rude. I’m a people pleaser so I don’t know how to make everyone happy in this situation. Everyone INCLUDING ME! Haha
Post # 12
Hire a babysitter. We had 18 kids at my 150ish person wedding. We hired a montessori teacher to watch them in a corner of the upstairs bar – they had games, toys, coloring books, etc. Parents could drop them off and pick them up throughout the reception. I don’t think any were left there during the ceremony, but the kids of our friends/family are generally well-behaved – I’ve never seen one acting out at a wedding or large event.
Post # 13
If that’s his behavior he probably will be like that for photos too.
Post # 14
@distracts: Our venue is one big room with a kitchen and a bathroom.
Post # 15
@Bubbles42: For some reason I didn’t even think about that… good point!
Post # 16
@Chrysoberyl: I didn’t see any part of your original post that mentioned wanting him at the wedding. Maybe I read it wrong, but it seemed like you were wanting to know if was okay to only have him there for pictures and nothing else. If he is developmentally delayed, I would feel even worse. Really sad to read about his mom though.