(Closed) Not really sure what to do about this whole wedding thing now.

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: What would you do?
    Stick with your original plan. You're still having an event with friends and family later. : (30 votes)
    59 %
    Have a wedding. You'll regret it if you don't. : (19 votes)
    37 %
    Other (please explain below) : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @abirdword:  I feel like someone is going to be mad about something even if you have the “big” wedding. I would come up with a “stock” response to tell anyone who gives you a hard time, like, “We understand that everyone is super excited for our wedding plans, but unfortunately our ceremony will be close family only. A reception/celebration will be taking place in X month. We hope to see you there!” Someone is going to be upset about some aspect of this whole thing (ugh weddings ughs!) so I vote do what you want. As long as your parents, ILs, Fiance, etc, are all on board, try not to worry about these other people.

    Post # 4
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If I were in your shoes I would pick just one of your ideas – either have the big party/wedding with everyone, or stick to just a small wedding with just very close family. Unless there is a serious reason for having your ceremony before the celebration (like an illness or Fiance in the military), some guests will be offended by the fact that they’re invited to the party but not the ceremony…and honestly, I can’t say I disagree with them. Yes, there are lots of stupid little things people find to get offended about when it comes to weddings – but I don’t think this is a stupid little thing. I’m sure some bees will think I’m overreacting, but personally it would bother me if one of my cousins or friends was getting married and wanted me to come celebrate and give a gift, but didn’t want me to actually be at their wedding.

    Post # 5
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    take your fiance and elope 🙂 

    i say follow you heart someone is always going to get upset but remember what this is for. This is not a famiy reunion this is your union in marriege to your fiance. remember no mater what anyone  says that this is your day to share with you fiance and if people get upset well i know you didnt intend for them to get their feelings hurt but you shouldnt have to to choose on anything just to please others


    Post # 8
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I’m always confused by this, because for some reason people don’t have a problem with a reception-only invitation as long as the reception is on a different day than the ceremony.  However, if you were having your ceremony and your reception on the same day you would never invite some people just to the reception but not to the ceremony, right?  So I don’t see how this is any different.

    I’ve personally been in that situation, where friends have had a small Destination Wedding or a private civil ceremony that I wasn’t invited to, but was later invited to the larger party/reception.  It stung a little, to be honest, and just because the events are on different dates the message is still the same: “You weren’t good enough to invite to the ceremony, but please come to our reception and bring us a gift”. 

    ETA:  I also never understand how planning 2 events, 1 small and 1 large, is any less stressful than just planning 1 large wedding.  These are the types of things that make me go “hmmm” :-)… Clearly I’m in the minority on this, but I have always wondered why people go that route and would love to get someone’s perspective on it just to satisfy my personal curiousity

    Post # 9
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You could always do a short vow renewal at your later, larger reception (if you go this route) so people can still see you walk down an aisle (if you want to) and recite vows to your FI/hubby.  That may appease people and go along with your original plan.

    Post # 11
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I dont understand why his family wouldn’t be allowed to come.. is that what you’re saying? Personally I think its kind of one sided for all of your family to be there and none of his… If I was mother-of-the-groom I would be extremelly offended and hurt that I was not allowed to come. 

    Post # 13
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @reebee:  You aren’t in the minority, and took the words right out of my mouth.  Planning a large-scale wedding-related event will be just as stressful if you are already married as it will be prior to your marriage, OP.

    Are your FI’s immediate family members invited to the private ceremony?  I think you said they were.

    I say either one or the other – do either the private thing now, or wait and host a larger wedding when you can afford it.  if you really want a private wedding, and still want to have a big party later, then have a party, but don’t call it a wedding reception, because I’m sure his family will be even more upset by that than they are by not being invited to the ceremony.

    Post # 14
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I’ve never understood when people accuse a couple of being ‘selfish’ about wedding plans – of course you can be selfish! It’s YOUR wedding, about YOUR union, and typically, YOUR money. But even so, I think wanting to include your grandmother is incredibily generous, and that alone makes this a very un-selfish plan.

    Bottom line, you’ll never please everyone, so do what best suits you and your Fiance.

    Post # 15
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Definitely stick with the original plan! Like PPs have said, it’s YOUR day, it should be what YOU want it to be! Plus you’re having a big party later, tell them that.

    The topic ‘Not really sure what to do about this whole wedding thing now.’ is closed to new replies.

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