(Closed) Not Really Waiting But What is Going On?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would ask him instead of us– you’re going to get so many “well maybe it’s this” answers here, so I’d just go straight to the source. The next time it comes up, ask him why he keeps saying that and go from there so that you can figure out how long “a long way to go” is, exactly.

Post # 3
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

greybee:  why wouldn’t you just ask him? And tell him how you feel about tossing around words like that without explanation, joke or otherwise. 

Post # 5
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Personally, I’d rather know straight up what the timeline is than sit there thinking will he, won’t he. It sounds exciting, but look at your post again– you don’t sound too thrilled by it all! I’d still straight up ask him what’s going on.

Post # 7
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well it’s clear you’ve already decided he’s just trying to “throw you off” and you’re just looking for confirmation. 

Post # 10
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

greybee:  maybe now that you guys hit the year mark, he’s feeling pressure to make moves but isn’t quite ready yet? that is what it sounds like to me… 

i wouldn’t just write this off as him trying to “throw you off”, you might end up pretty disappointed. 

Post # 11
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

I think he’s being straight with you. It’s going to be a long time until he proposes.

You said “Courting” are you in one of those fundamental Christian sects that do courting vs dating? If so, isn’t the whole thing really between your dad, him, and his dad?

Post # 12
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

greybee:  The response you’ll get from those who are still waiting will probably be “Don’t say anything, it’s his big thing, don’t ruin the surprise, he’s obviously trying to throw you off”. The response you’ll get from married people (at least this married people) will be “Ask him what he means when he says you have a long while to go”.

Why? Because those who are married know that good communication is the foundation for a successful marriage. Hoping, waiting and wishing for what you want is not. All it does is breed resentment when those hopes are not fulfilled. 

Post # 13
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

If you’re talking about wedding related issues quite a bit & you’re posting on the Waiting forum of the Weddingbee…..why is it important to you to state you’re ‘not really waiting’ in your thread title? It sounds like waiting is exactly what you’re doing so this is puzzling. 

We can’t really know what’s going on in your SO’s head. He could be trying to throw you off because he’s planning something, he could be stressed out when you talk about such things because he’s saving and is worried he won’t have enough saved up by your timeline, or he could be all talk no action and wants to keep wedding talk on a purely hypothetical ‘someday’ level and becomes evasive when you want to make actual plans as opposed to mere talk. 

Your SO is really the only one who can asnswer all these maybe he’s thinking this or maybe he’s thinking that questions. Ask him. 

Post # 14
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you’ve agreed on a February timeline then there should be no confusion on your part. The fact that there is confusion means you should talk to your SO. Just tell him you’re confused when he says “we have a long way to go,” and ask him if he is still on board with the February 2017 timeline. 

Post # 15
Member
11967 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Since you’ve already set a timeline, and have agreed to get married, technically you are already engaged. That aside,  there are a few possibilities, here.  One, the timeline to a formal proposal and planning a wedding is intact, but for whatever reason, excitement, surprise, boredom etc.  he does not want to discuss those things right now. Another, now that it’s getting closer, he’s starting to have second thoughts about the timing. 

Since this has all been previously and openly discussed, just ask him. 

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