- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I have been friends with a great girl since middle school we’ve always been friends and have always been close. I’m now almost 30 and getting married…and really excited about it.
My friend has always had some problems when she was young, she could be a little harsh, she’s never had much of a filter but has a great personality and always tries to be a good friend and always had lots of friends.
She told me stories of sexual abuse and physical abuse by her relatives (all the stories she didnt’ tell me until we became adults) and I remember when we were just kids, she would say she wanted to die…stop breathing. Obviously in highsight, she’s always had problems.
Up until 3 years ago, she was a vibant, had a career, owned her own home and was engaged to be married. She lost all of that because she became mentally unstable either just before or just after the engagement fell apart. She’s been in and out of hospitals over the last 2 years. She was just admitted again yesterday, and this time it would be about the twevth time. Each time, they hold her in the ER for a day or two and send her to a mental clinic for a week or two or three and then she’s back out, and before long, she stopps taking her meds and she’s back to square one.
I’ve tried talking to her, openly and frankly…but even in her most ‘sane’ and medicated states of mind, she won’t fully accept having a mental illness.
She’s been missing for teh last two days so I was releived to hear she was safe, in a hospital bed, but I was so sad when I called to talk to her and I could only hear her in the background, making no sense, yelling and screaming at the nurse. The nurse was upset and asked me why no one had come to see her. I told her her family has given up on her, her friends have given up on her.
Everyone tells me I’m such a great person for sticking around but the honest truth is, I’ve almost given up. Even during the times when she’s better, she’s almost intolerable. She’s no longer the person she used to be even when medicated. She’s agumentative, offensive, and sometimes still delusional, even when she’s not manic. I can’t even sit down for a nice dinner with her and have a normal conversation with her anymore. She just gets angry if I try to talk about normal subjects not to mention her illness. When she talks about it she says my “so-called illness”. “so -called manic/psychotic episodes”. She thinks everythign she’s been through is supernatural, that she’s on some sore of mission.
Her family thinks she jsut smokes too much pot. her mother is an immigrant and has no more than a 5th grade education. Her father has been severely disabled by stroke and her brother doesn’t respond to me when I tell him to read about her illness, educate himself about it. That this will keep happening if she doesn’t take her meds.
She has nobody, her home is gone, her fiancee’ is gone, her friends are gone, she has medical bills piling up, and also crimal issues piling up as well. She was convicted of several mistemeanors and one felony in the last two years stemming from her illness.
I guess I just feel helpless and like I’m a horrible person for wanting to just forget about her and enjoy my wedding, not invite her, etc. These are all thoughts that creep into my head. I feel terrible I can’t invite her out with my friends anymore because they dont want her around. I feel guilty that just a week ago she really wanted to go grab dinner, but I forgot, and maybe I wanted to because she treated me so badly the last time we had dinner. Everyone is tired of hearing sbout her which doesn’t help…so there’s no one to talk to.
But I do mourn the friend I used to have. Sorry for the rant/emotional release.