(Closed) Not RSVPing and decide to show up? Enjoy your pbj…

posted 9 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What do you think about a pbj dinner for the people who don't RSVP or say "no" and show up anyway?

    It's fair

    Totally rude!

  • Post # 17
    5986 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @bretonvirgniia:  +1

    I think it would be a bit strange to see that table set up at a wedding. I just wouldn’t plan on feeding them at all.

    Post # 18
    3380 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014


    View original reply
    @Steampunkbride:  Everything you both just said. +100 “Mean-spirited” is an excellent analysis.

    Post # 19
    7960 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    whether they rsvp’d or not, they were invited as a guest and should still be treated as a guest.  why would you humiliate them with pb&j and plastic cutlery?  you would only be embarrassing yourself in the process.  imo, that’s worse than not rsvping.

    you are hosting this wedding.  act like proper hosts regardless of the rsvp.  vendors often have a few extra meals on hand so it’s no big deal. 

    if one of your friends dropped by your house would you be rude to them?  probably not.  well, this is your wedding.  be gracious.

    Post # 21
    1908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I saw this happen on an episode of “Four Weddings” there were no extra seats for those who did not RSVP for dinner. They had to stand outside! I think they were able to get some food but they were not allowed in to the hall where dinner was served. The place was at maximum capacity, nothing else the couple could do.

    Post # 22
    4173 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @MrsSweetT:  …sorry, but just because it’s your wedding does not mean the rules of being a good hostess go out the window.

    I understand how frustrating it is to have guests that fail to comply with the rules of etiquette, but just because they ignore certain things does not entitle you to lord it over them and produce some punitive peanut butter and jelly sandwich for them at your reception…I mean really?

    It will only make you look like a shrew and cause some of your gentler guests to raise an eye, frankly, if I was at a reception and this happened, I would offer my food to the errant attendant before I let a bride treat them so poorly.

    Post # 25
    30400 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MrsSweetT:  better to be pro-active and make those phone calls to the non- responders. If invited guests still can’t give you a firm yes or no when you follow up after the deadline, I think you are perfectly justified in telling them ” I’m sorry, but we’ll have to take that as a no. We have to give firm numbers to our caterer. We will miss you at the wedding.”

    If you contact all the non-responders as above, I doubt there will be an issue with people who show up anyhow.

    Post # 26
    7384 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bretonvirgniia:  +1

    We will be contacting people who did not send in an RSVP card one time after the due date with a, “Hey, we have not yet received your RSVP card for our wedding. If we do not receive it by x date, you will be marked as not attending and your presence will be missed.” If they STILL show up to the reception (since ours is in a different place), they’re fucked. There will be no seating and no food for them.

    Post # 28
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think that is really rude.  I would never dream of humiliating someone like that.  Shit happens – maybe there is a really good reason they didn’t reply.  If they don’t RSVP then just don’t set a seat for them.  But chances are a few people that did RSVP will not make it so you would probably be able to accomodate them.  And I can’t believe a caterer wouldn’t be able to whip up a few extra meals if they needed to.

    Post # 29
    1087 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @bebero:  +1. The bigger issue is people who RSVP yes and then don’t show for various reasons (both valid and nonexistant).

    Post # 30
    2865 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    @MrsSweetT:  As a guest who RSVPed, I would think you are increadibly rude and tacky. I get the urge and it is funny, but it is still super rude for you as the host. Two wrongs don’t make a right and keep it classy.

    We were missing 55 RSVPs the day before our deadline. I freaked out and my mom sent out reminders to all family who did not RSVP that our deadline was the next day. By the mailing day after our RSVP deadline, we got 40 back. Then we emailed each remaining person and all but one replied. The one who didn’t replied to a text message. 

    Post # 31
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    Yuck, I dislike this idea.  It goes against what being a host is all about.  I think this table setup is rude and humiliating and will make the host look like an ass.  

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