(Closed) Not RSVPing and decide to show up? Enjoy your pbj…

posted 9 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What do you think about a pbj dinner for the people who don't RSVP or say "no" and show up anyway?

    It's fair

    Totally rude!

  • Post # 32
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Part of me is like “hell yeah,” but another part of me hates that. It’s so rude! If you invited them, you must want them there. I wouldn’t treat a loved one like that even if they did something really annoying like rsvp no or not rsvp then show up. Yes, it’s a HUGE pain in the butt. But I’d still be happy they came, and I’d try to accomodate them. I’d probably say something like “oh! I’m so glad you were able to come! but I thought you weren’t, so unfortunately I didn’t assign a set for you, and I’m not sure how much extra food the caterer will have available. Let me see what I can do.” Then I’d try my best (or have someone else try) to find an extra seat and get them fed. It’s likely that someone who rsvp’d yes couldn’t make it last minute and theycoudl take their spot, or the caterer might have prepared a little extra. i’d make it work and I’d be as polite and accomodating as possible and let them know I’m so happy they came, but I would make it clear that the situation arose because THEY didn’t rsvp.

    Post # 33
    2604 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    That’s one of those things that sounds funny in theory but wouldn’t be in practice. Like sending no-shows a bill for their meal. Fantasize about it and joke about it all you want to, but if you actually do this it will reflect poorly on you.

    Just be vigilant about contacting them and explicitly tell them if they don’t respond by x date, they’ll be marked down as a no. If they show up anyway and there’s no food left, you have already been clear about it, so that’s their problem.

    Post # 34
    4144 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @bebero:  Ditto

    I’m sorry, this is extremely annoying and rude to me as well, an inability to properly RSVP. But putting the random’s at a table with a rude sign and a jar of peanut butter? HORRID behavior.

    Post # 35
    2010 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Mind you, as someone who has NEVER had a proper American peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it’d be quite an experience for me!

    Post # 36
    2056 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I think some of you are missing the point… It’s not a hypothetical situation where the guests that show up didn’t get a call to remind them to give an answer, it’s a hypothetical situation where these people just show up despite saying no or not returning phone calls.  Saying “just call them” is taking this completely out of context.

    I probably wouldn’t do the PB&J idea, but I can see me being the type of person that only orders exactly enough meals and have exactly enough seats, no more.  If you can’t take the 5 minutes to reply to my phone call, you don’t get to sit through a dinner that amounts to a couple hours of my salary.

    Post # 37
    7960 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @MrsSweetT:  yes, but you have invited them already so you should be expecting to spend $58 on them.

    Post # 38
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2001

    Commenting to say now I want a PB&J

    Post # 39
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsSweetT:  I think it’s a fair idea. I think you are a considerate host when you send them a lovely, well prepared invitation expressing your desire for them to be in attendance at your wedding and could they kindly reply by (insert date)…and they don’t. They are the inconsiderate folks here. And I don’t think they even know they are inconsiderate because if they did they would have sent back the RSVP, answered your phone call, sent a text, sent an email…SOMETHING. They will not be embarassed if you find room for them, they will be vindicated. They will think this is how it’s supposed to be. I don’t have to bother to respond and they still have to accommodate me. I don’t think so. I’m sorry but I don’t agree that ill-behavior gets rewarded. I actually think the PB and J is too nice. You were so rude to me that you couldn’t even tell me you wanted to go come…you got to go.

    And let’s be real, there are a few people that many of us have to invite to our wedding to keep the peace or some other political-familial reason that we really wish wouldn’t come.

    Post # 40
    31 posts
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I am shocked the fact more people here voted for “rude”, i think your PBJ idea is totally fair or more accommodating. I would not feed such guests at all.

    I would say it’s rusde if you do not make out a call after dealine and assuming its NO, and those pepole show up. But if once you do a followup-call and still no answer or just show up, then PBJ is totally fair.

    Post # 41
    8700 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    There was an episode of Four Weddings where they did this!

    They had a table OUTSIDE for people who didn’t RSVP and showed up anyway!

    Post # 42
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If anyone extra shows up we won’t even have a seat for them. We are doing a sit down three course meal. If anyone that RSVPed no shows up they will have to march themselves to the restaurant in the hotel and buy their own dinner. 

    I’m actually more nervous about someone that RSVPed yes not showing up. The thought of wasting a lovely, and very expensive meal, makes my blood boil. I think that would the single most annoying thing that could happen on my wedding day. Well, except maybe someone ripping or spilling red win on the dress.:) 

    Post # 43
    1988 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @mikachii:  Yes it is rude for people to show up who haven’t RSVP’d, but that doesn’t mean you get to publicly shame them with a humiliating table pointing out to every other guest that they showed up unexpectedly.  It’s very juevenille and if I saw it at a wedding would be more dissapointed with the behaviour of the couple than the party crashers.

    Post # 44
    2039 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @badabing88:  +1! although it sounds like that’s what they get for not RSVPing, it’s quite humiliating.

    Post # 45
    1731 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MrsSweetT:  This is my feeling when you plan your wedding you know who you are inviting (for most weddings anyway). I planned for both what I like and what I think will make my guests feel comfortable.  My dad’s side of the family is puertorican and really value having lots of tasty food as we do at all events.  My Fiance loves puertorican food too.  I am a pesceterian and had many veggie and vegan guests so I wanted to make sure that there was a proper meal for myself and those guests.  

    I got a store that makes this type of food to whip it up and deliver it to the venue and my cousins helped to prepare the veggie/vegan food.  I did this buffet style and made sure to have extra for people who wanted to eat more than once, and to account for people who just showed up.  We had people around to make sure not too many people showed up who we didn’t invite but all family and friends were let in.

    My point is if you know you want to have people at your wedding that you know wont RSVP or might RSVP and then not show up then you should really plan for that to accomodate them.  We love all the people who we invited so we wanted them to be at our wedding we would never treat them so badly as to banish them to another table etc.  We even had the event at a dry venue that our family owns and then an after party that was not dry at my parents house so that our older/religious etc guests could attend the reception and the ones who wanted to drink (including us) could celebrate afterward with plenty of drink.

    I really don’t get this new culture that is developing where the bride and groom do whatever they want without considering their guests and then some have the nerve to insult them because they didn’t give them a gift or follow whatever set of rules the bride and groom deem fit.  What happened to being gracious and happy that the people who wanted to share this occasion with actually showed up and were happy to be there for you.

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