(Closed) Not RSVPing and decide to show up? Enjoy your pbj…

posted 9 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What do you think about a pbj dinner for the people who don't RSVP or say "no" and show up anyway?

    It's fair

    Totally rude!

  • Post # 62
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think this is totally insane. Im not someones mother. you get one phone call with a message.  that would make me feel like a stalker or like im pressuring.  

    Everyones rudeness should not just be ignored.  if they cant take the time to contact you the obviously do not care that much about the wedding so why bother.  

    Post # 63
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Retalitory rudeness is always in poor taste.

    How awful would it be if someone actually did respond, and it got lost in the mail.

    A polite host adds more water to the soup, and sets another place setting, they don’t intentionally slight, and embarass their loved ones.

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @red_rose:  i disagree with this. If you receive an invite and are asked to RSVP, I understand that life happens and sometimes people forget. HOWEVER, I will only take time out of my day to call you one time. If you can’t be bothered to RSVP in the first place, and then still not do so after a polite reminder by phone or voicemail, I am not going to hound you for an answer, I am just going to mark you down as a no. Yes, hosts should be considerate of their guests, but these are ADULTS we’re talking about. Guests need to shape up and take responsibility for their own behavior too. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Watch one of those people has a serious nut allergy and just the smell of PB and they are gasping for breath on the floor….    

     

    in all seriousness I’d never plan for that.  I also would have a place for the them sit and I wouldn’t order food for them if it’s plated.   We’ll have a buffet and plan to order LOTS in the event anyone gets buffetitis and goes a bit over board so they will likely get something to eat but just won’t have a seat. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MrsSweetT:  I have decided to have assigned seating.  So if this were to happen, the person who did not RSVP would not have a seat to sit at.

    Post # 67
    Member
    1178 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Beware of those who say they are coming and then don’t show up. I used to plan fundraising dinners for a nonprofit organization. I learned quickly that it was a standard rule of thumb that a number of people who bought tickets would not show up. The same thing happens at weddings, although I did not expect it. 20 out of 200 did not show up at one wedding I know of. At my own wedding it was nine people out of 54.

    I would almost have been glad to see a few people show up I had not expected. At least then the food I paid for would have gone to someone.

     

    Go into this with your eyes wide open . With all you have to worry about, don’t get fixated on this.  Expect that some of your guests will be no-shows and that there might be a few who show up whom you did not expect to be there.

     My wedding day was wonderful, and I did not let the no-shows bother me. I just felt a little sad that they were not with us because we had such a good time.

    Post # 68
    Member
    2198 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m not sure I would go as far as the pbj dinner but I certainly won’t be creating spaces on the off chance that someone extra turns up. If they do and discover there is no place for them they will be embarassed. They can eat in the other room

    Post # 69
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @MrsSweetT Professional catering companies ALWAYS have enough food to cover a few extra guests, and a venue will have a few extra seats on hand. Do not be as rude and selfish as your non-RSVPing guests (I see that you wedding is a long way off…you don’t even know if you will even have someone not RSVP and show up yet.) 

    If someone extra comes, quietly alert your DOC or venue point person and they will take care of it. Don’t publically humiliate a friend or family member by calling them out. That’s worse behavior than what he or she did to you. Also, a response may have been lost in the mail, and if 2 people were included on an RSVP, only one may have been responsible for not sending the card back…you’d be ostracizing at least one person who has no idea about the situation. 

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MrsSweetT:  OMG, does this actually happen? People that never respond just show up anyway? This is scaring me!

    Post # 71
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We are having a plated meal so no RSVP = no meal, no seat…

    Post # 72
    Member
    1797 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Honestly our guest count changed up until 4am the night before the wedding.  And day of we had one extra.  But on the whole it balanced perfectly for the last minute declines and everyone got food. 

    I can imagine feeling the way you do.  I think when you’re ready to celebrate the number counting flies out the window and it’s more about having good people around having a good time.

     

    Good luck!

    Post # 73
    Member
    2670 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    @leenh78:  Some of my family rsvp’d for themselves, including marking what meal they wanted and then showed up the day of the wedding with some random friend of my teenage cousin. They new we were doing a plated meal and never said a single thing about bringing an additional guest. We rearranged their table and the caterer was prepared for a couple extra guests. I to this day have no idea who that girl was.

    Post # 74
    Member
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @ieatunicorns:  It’s funny — I was experiencing a huge amount of work stress last week, so I wasn’t sleeping as well as I normally do (when I’m out, I’m out like a log). Therefore, I was able to remember a dream — and in my dream we received a wedding RSVP from relatives who put themselves +16! I think the relatives were my aunt and uncle.

    What’s even funnier is that said aunt and uncle have four biological children (all over 21 now), plus six adopted children (it’s Just the Ten of Us in real life!). However, due to budget constraints, we couldn’t invite the kids — just my aunt and uncle.

    Money is a huge issue for them right now because they just went through adopting child #10, so I doubt they’ll come. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    5545 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @MrsSweetT:  If we haven’t heard from people by about 2 weeks after our deadline, we will chase them. If they can’t commit there and then, we will politely but firmly let them know that we’re marking them down as a ‘no’. We will then bump up some of our evening guests to fill their places (it’s very unlikely any of our day guests will RSVP no though).

    We will then be at capacity, so if people show, there simply will not be space. They would be welcome to join us for the ceremony and the drinks reception, and later for the evening reception, but would have to make their own plans for the rest of the day, as we simply would not have the space to accommodate them. If we did have space, I would accommodate them, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to cause a scene on our wedding day. However, you can bet that I would probably be cooling off our friendship/relationship as I would find it INCREDIBLY rude to turn up having not RSVP’d/having RSVP’d no, unless there was a very good reason (eg RSVP got lost in the post)

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