(Closed) Not Saying You CAN'T bring a date, but…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Overjoyed:  I think it would be weird. What if you haven’t met my boyfriend/FI/husband? Thats the only person I would want to travel with so I would have trouble picking someone else. Which would mean I would either go alone and feel lonely or not go at all.

ETA: If you don’t want my plus one to be a stranger, its up to you to contact me after I RSVP to set up a double date or something so that you can meet them before the wedding. If they know who they would bring before the RSVP date then you can set up a get together before the RSVP. If this person is important enough to your friend/family member for them to drag them across the country to your wedding, then they should be important enough to you for you to try to meet them. That can occur before the wedding if you want to recognize everyone, or at the wedding if that is your first oppertunity.

Post # 4
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

For me, that just isn’t possible. If there’s somebody who I like that is married and I never met his/her spouse I would not just send my friend an invitation without inviting the spouse as well. If I were to receive an invitation even now being engaged without my fiance’s name on it as well I would think it was a little rude and frankly would decline.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For me it depends on your definition of ‘no strangers’. For example, if you’re inviting a relative who has a long term girlfriend or boyfriend you’ve never met, I don’t think it’s okay to not invite them because they’re a stranger to you. I did not have a blanket plus one policy because every single person at my wedding was going to know a ton of other people there including either their immediate family or super close friends, so it wasn’t like anyone needed the company or wouldn’t have anyone to visit with. But anyone in a relationship was invited with that person, I think it’s impolite to split up couples even if you’re only close with one of them, they are there to celebrate your relationship so I think it’s only right to be respectful of theirs as well!

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Overjoyed:  I think this is becoming very common and I’m all for it. I don’t think you’re obligated to allow single guests to bring a random friend or flavor of the month to your wedding. However, I do think that it’s courteous to extend a plus one to single guests who may not know anyone else at the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I understand the space/money/intimacy issues behind not allowing +1’s but it really is kind of crappy to not be able to bring a date if you want to. Some people just aren’t as comfortable mingling around. And even if they know other people there, it still isn’t quite the same as having a dedicated date. For me personally (assuming I wasn’t engaged) I would really have to think about going and my decision would hinge on how many of friends were going and if they had dates etc. I wouldn’t want to end up the one single out of the group of people I know.

 

Post # 8
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’m in the old-school etiquette camp that true plus ones are a HUGE no-no. Partners in established social units get invited by name, but other than that, there should be no dates. You should also neevr invite someone as an open seat. All guests are invited by name, so if Jane Doe gets to bring whomever she wants, you’d need to get that person’s name and address in advance and send him/her a proper invitation.

Post # 9
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m pretty much saying no strangers. I do not want to see some rando that FI’s friend brought at my wedding, period. that was one of my big things that I wouldn’t budge on. Yes, there will be people there that I haven’t met yet or that Fiance hasn’t met yet, but very few. I am not doing + ones, I don’t have the space or money. Only serious relationships.

ETA: most of our single guests have friends attending, and I know it will be a good time for them.

Post # 10
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t think a “no strangers” policy is really fair, but a “only firmly established significant others” policy is absolutely fair.

Post # 11
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t really think this is such a realistic expectation. There were members of my husband’s family that were invited that I had not met. I’m not talking about his immediate family, but extended family, etc. His mother had some friends there who I had never met and I haven’t met every single partner of every single friend of mine that was invited either. And even if I have met them, that doesn’t mean that I know them any better than a stranger from spending a scant amount of time with them. I think a bride that wants to have a “no stranger” wedding or a wedding where she intimately knows everyone in attendance should consider an elopment or a wedding with just immediate family.

Post # 12
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think OPs post was not about guests bringing husbands you havent met but randoms, like some guy from work because they dont want to go solo. I think like VAwife said, if I invite someone who knows no one else at the wedding I’m ok with them bringing someone, but as I posted before about my cousin bringing the dude she met last week, I think it’s not cool to bring a stranger who isn’t a legitimate SO. Unless of course the bride is having a huge wedding and doesn’t care.

Post # 13
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think anyone in a serious relationship should get a plus one. also for Destination Wedding – i mean, how much fun is it going to the beach/ a different city alone? for my Destination Wedding virtually everyone is in couples, so the single friends have the option of taking any plus one they want. I know they appreciate it and are much happier about it – but thne im having a big wedding so an extra person here and there doesnt made too much of a difference

Post # 14
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Oh and I totally forgot to say that if it’s a Destination Wedding they should be allowed to bring someone even if they’re not in a long term relationship. First off, not many people will take you up on that since it’ll be expensive for them to bring someone else, but also spending one night with a bunch of people you don’t know is different than spending a week in a different place with people you don’t know.

Post # 15
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that this is legit for unmarried/unengaged folks, but for those who are married I think the best thing to do is invite their spouse even if you havn’t met them.

I for one don’t want my friends’ latest rowdy flings who won’t be around next week coming to my wedding.

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