(Closed) Not selecting sister as MOH

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do with my snarky, self-centered drama queen sister?
    Suck it up and make her MOH or everyone will think it is strange. : (11 votes)
    16 %
    Have your best friend as MOH and just make your sister a bridesmaid : (45 votes)
    64 %
    Don't ask her to be in the bridal party, but maybe give her a role to make her feel better : (9 votes)
    13 %
    Don't ask her to participate at all : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    well i guess it depends on how bad you feel like making her mad. it doesn’t sound like you’d purposely make her mad, but due to her personality your gonna make her mad no matter what! i would just not ask her to participate, its your day, not hers, and sounds like she will try and make it all about her and only ruin your day.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would just make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I have a sister, but my cousin is actually going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Mainly because my sister is not into wedding stuff and would have hated the job, so we just kind of collectively decided being a Bridesmaid or Best Man would be good enough. I don’t think people will automatically find it strange though (at least I hope not lol). I think if you have to deal with her annoyances as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it is way better than knowing she is in charge of details like your shower or bachelorette party.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You could just do away with titles all together, and just have everyone be a bridesmaid, or have everyone be a maid of honor. For me, my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister, but she’s not doing anything above and beyond as the Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t think the titles are that important. But I do think it would definitely cause tension if you didn’t include her at all so I would have her in the bridal party in some way. Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    This is tough- You could make everyone a “Maid of Honor”- that is what my mom did when she married her current husband because she has three daughters and we are all close in age.

    Post # 7
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I made my sister Maid/Matron of Honor after my mother decided to give me a guilt trip because she had her sis as Maid/Matron of Honor, so I had to have mine. My sister has stepped up to the plate though, even though she is 16.

    I wish I could make everyone Maid/Matron of Honor.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I have one sister and we aren’t really close.  We only ever talk when we’re both at my mom’s house for holidays or something.  My Fi and I decided to just have a Moh and best man, and I decided to pick my best friend.  That was about a year ago, and now I really regret it.  I feel like this could have been an opportunity to form a better relationship with my sister, but instead I chose an option which would only make us less close.  If I could do it over again I would have my best friend as MoH, and my sister as a bridesmaid.

    So that would be my advice.  You don’t have to have her as your MoH, but I would still put her in the bridal party.  Unless you think she’s going to do something crazy like insult the two of you at the wedding and throw a drink on you or something, then you should have her.  Just don’t expect too much of her.  Have her buy the dress and show up, and leave the rest of your bridal party to plan any events…

    Post # 9
    Member
    2077 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I have a friend who is getting married in August and because of her rocky relationship with her sister, she made her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and not Maid/Matron of Honor.  Her sister wasn’t offended, because they weren’t close by any means, but wasn’t overly thrilled to be in the wedding party either.  Her sister called her a month ago and told her that she didn’t feel “right” standing in her wedding because she “is having marital problems and can’t support a marriage that could turn out like hers”.  In other words, she didn’t want to be in the wedding party to begin with, and was using this excuse as a way out (there were many other remarks said and things done prior, this isn’t just an assumption I’m making about my friend’s sister’s choice to drop out).

    I voted to not make her the Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man and to give her another role.  If I’ve learned anything from my friend’s experience, and reading these boards, it’s that you should choose a wedding party that is going to want to be there!

    Best of luck with making the decision!

    Post # 10
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I was MoH in my best friend’s wedding and her sister was a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She didn’t seem to care – they aren’t close so I don’t think she expected the position.

    A friend of mine recently had ‘co-MoHs’ because her mom said her sister HAD TO BE a MoH but she wanted her BFF to be it too.. That’s a possibility.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Holy overreaction batman! She yelled for half an hour?  I’m hesitant to say this, but if she’s that irrational on a regular basis, maybe she has some deeper issue than being too much of an attention hog…

    Post # 13
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’m quite sure this varies by family and by individual, but I’ll just throw out there—I have a sister, and she’s getting married next year. We’re not close, and haven’t been since we were tiny. (She’s awesome and I enjoy hanging out with her, but we live thousands of miles apart, rarely see each other, and only talk or email infrequently, so we’re just not that up on each other’s lives.)

    I would absolutely NOT expect her to ask me to be MOH—because I’m not by any stretch of the imagination her closest female friend, and I feel like that role should be reserved for someone who is, not for someone who gets it by default. In fact, I would not be surprised if she didn’t ask me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, either, simply because I know she has lots of girlfriends she’d like to ask. (That’s not to say I wouldn’t be delighted and honored to play that role—but it’s certainly not a given, and I would not be at all slighted or offended if she chose otherwise.)

    So I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to choose someone else—and in fact I think it’s far more appropriate. (But I can also entirely believe there are families in which this would be a major faux pas….again, just depends.)

    ETA: Oh, and we’re not doing a wedding party at all for our wedding, so no Maid/Matron of Honor to start with!

    Also, who is your Fiance having as his best man? When my parents got married years ago, they each had their best friends as Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, and then the bridesmaids and groomsmen were siblings and one other friend each. I always thought it was a really nice balance; if Fiance doesn’t have a brother or isn’t having him as Bridesmaid or Best Man, you could always use that as the explanation.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1371 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I am in my sister’s wedding this year, we are a close family, and her best friend is her Maid/Matron of Honor (my younger sister and I are both bridesmaids).  I wasn’t offended at all – and she is my Maid/Matron of Honor for my wedding that is the month before hers!  And my mom actually said prior to her getting engaged “she HAS to have BFF as her Maid/Matron of Honor, they have been friends for so long”, so I think my family just expected it to be this way.  I also have a friend getting married soon and her sister isn’t even in the wedding (they are not close), and another friend who got married last year that had her one sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and her other sister just did a reading.

    I think you can always tell a white lie and say something like “Being a Maid/Matron of Honor is so much work, I wanted you to just be able to relax more and enjoy the wedding”, rather than telling her she is “just a bridesmaid”.  Or you could also make them joint MOHs, and tell BFF in private you only did it for your sister’s feelings and have her just perform the Maid/Matron of Honor duties.

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