(Closed) Not sending STD to every guest.. Rude?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Save-The-Date Cards are not required, and I agree with you on not sending to all, just VIPs, and maybe Out of Town guets.  But that is optional.  If I were you, I would not do B Save-The-Date Cards, but just wait and do invites.

Post # 5
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Both of your mom’s are wrong.  Only send them to those you are definite on inviting.  Once that STD is received they ARE invited, no takesy-backsies.

My Dirty Delete is getting married in June and only family and far away friends were on the STD list.  For generations and millenia no one even used these things and got a 6-8 week notice on when your wedding was when the invitation was received.  We have a graduation in June in the family and we want our far away definitely-invite friends to have time to coordinate those things.

Do your mom’s realize that an STD is a solid invitation?  Just send your 8 families/people invitations when you send the rest of them.  Hold your ground.

Post # 6
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 I believe that the Save the Date notices were invited by the wedding industry to take our money. No one used to send them. I did not send any.

 I think what you did is fine. Sadly, your parents will probably be very pushy about a lot of things they want. Guilt is one of a parent’s favorite weapons. It’s your wedding. Send both sets of parents a “Save the Guilt” card.

Post # 7
13296 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not rude to send Save-The-Date Cards to only some guests.  You send them to the people you know for sure will get an invitation, which will buy you some time to whittle down your guest list.  Good luck!

Post # 8
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Country Club

I don’t think is rude either. I am sending save the dates to only out of town guests who have children (whom Im not including in the invitation) this way they can plan accordingly if they decide to come.

Post # 9
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We didn’t send them to everyone – I don’t want my photo all over FI’s bosses’ fridges.
And I didn’t send STD’s to FMIL’s bosses for the same reason… it’s awkward.

Not rude!

Post # 10
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We sent ours to out of town guests (most people).  Our local guests are all parents’ friends who may or may not have wanted our grinning faces on their fridges.  I did leave my parents with a stack of magnets just in case they wanted to give them to someone.

Post # 11
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wish we hadn’t sent them to everyone, it’s caused me some discomfort as I have 9 months of people knowing that they’re not invited instead of only a few weeks.

(we had to be selective with my Step Mom’s family)

Post # 12
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We sent Save-The-Date Cards to only those we knew for sure we wanted at our wedding.  All these folks received an invitation later on.

However, invitations also went out to people who did NOT receive Save-The-Date Cards.  By that time, we understood our logistics a bit better and were able to include a few more potential guests. 

But like other bees said, Save-The-Date Cards are not required at all.

Post # 13
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t think its rude per se, but I’d be worried about drama if someone from your B list finds out that someone on the A list received one.  but if their paths don’t cross (and if they don’t post your Save-The-Date Cards on Facebook), that should be totally fine.  we’re sending our Save-The-Date Cards to everyone, but we most of our guests are out of towners.

Post # 14
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We’re getting married in my hometown (on the other side of the country), so we only sent STD’s to people who were coming in from out of state.

Post # 15
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve never heard of sending Save-The-Date Cards to every guest.  Usually it’s for out of town guests who need time for travel plans, close family/friends you want to make sure keep the date open, and stuff like that.

We sent out maybe 100 stds and will have close to 150 invitations.

Post # 16
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We aren’t doing Save the Dates, but if we were, we’d only be sending them to out-of-town guests. So no, I don’t think you’ve done anything rude here! 🙂

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