Not sending thank you cards

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding. I got a thank you card for being in the wedding, but we never received a thank you card for our gift, nor did my mom who threw her a bridal shower. I think it’s beyond tacky. I would have even appreciated a thank you email if money were an issue. 

Post # 4
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

I think thank you cards must be a regional thing, or possibly it runs in circles?

But I have ltierally never received a thankyou card after a wedding. In fact I can only think of one event EVER where we recieved one (an engagement party) and they come from a very traditional family.
We tend to just say thankyou in person – either when they give you the gift or whenever you see them nex t. Or if something’s been mailed I’ll send/receive a quick text saying that it has arrived and thankyou.

I’m in Australia by the way.

 

ETA: I do think it’s incredibly rude to not acknowledge it at all, but I don’t think an actual “thankyou card” is necessary.

Post # 6
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I attended a wedding a few year’s ago for a friend’s daughter.   The bride’s aunt was supposed to get the food together and served for the reception.  She never showed up, so the MOB was in a panic about what to do.  I sent my husband home to get roasting pans to warm the food in and then another lady and I out all the food out.  We refilled the dishes and then cleaned up.  I gave a nice gift to the couple.  

Never got a thank you from either of them.  

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Good friends of mine got married a few years ago, they had a wishing well (not  mentioned in the invite, was just there for cards) and we gave several hundred dollars in their gift, plus I made a hand drawn piece of art with it – no thank you, no acknowledgement, nothing… BEYOND rude. I still can’t believe it, I made damn sure after my own wedding that I thanked every single couple/guest for their attendance and if they gave a gift, for that gift too. In cards I had designed and printed myself. Thank you cards are definitely necessary, and not a ‘white person’ thing – surely just a well mannered person thing!?

Post # 9
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

missviolet92 :  I’ve been to two weddings, baby shower two bridal showers in the past two years and have yet to receive a thank you card. We were late sending out wedding thank you cards because we were waiting on the photos from our photographer but my bridal shower and baby shower thank you cards were sent out promptly after the events. I think the etiquette is beginning to slip..

Post # 10
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

we Didn’t spend a ton of like customized thank you card with pictures from the wedding or anything but we sent everyone a thank you card with a personalized note. It hardly cost us anything, I could understand I guess not realizing she needed to send them but to say she refuses to spend more money is just crazy. 

I did attend a couple wedding of family members and they didn’t send thank you cards but I genuinely don’t think they knew it was a thing, so I didn’t really care  

missviolet92 :  

Post # 11
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

missviolet92 :  The bride didn’t.  She did tell me a few month’s later that she had used the gift and liked it a lot.  MOB did that night, but also said she would be thanking me with a gift later.  I didn’t need a thank you gift, but a thank you would have been nice.  I saved her butt that night.

Post # 12
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

It used to be that thank you cards were a given. Is it a generational thing?  The last 2 weddings I attended (millennials getting married) the couple did not send out thank you cards.  Instead they said thank you to me in person the next time I saw them.  I wonder how they thank people who live far away? By text?  

Post # 13
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Im also in Australia and I’d say I receive thank you cards about 50% of the time.

FWIW I sent them (for my wedding, baby gifts etc) and they were very well received. I guess because it’s becoming less common to send them people are pleasantly surprised?!

Post # 14
Member
3930 posts
Honey bee

I find such entitlement to be revolting and classless. Her parents did a craptastic job of raising her.

Post # 15
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It would depend on the circumstances for me. I attended one wedding two years ago that had over 200 guests. We gave them a $50 and a card…. We never received a thank you card, part of me thinks its because we somehow got lost in the mix of that many guests, the other part of me thinks they had zero ambition to tackle 200 something thank you notes, names, addresses, etc. And I cant say I blame them thats just a h*’ll of a lot to keep track of. 

We had a small wedding of 40 something people, I had my thank you notes done within a day or two after coming back from our honeymoon…. 

I would expect a thank you note, but im also not the kind of person to completely hold a grudge over something like that. 

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